looking confused and guilty.
Not half as confused as he felt just by looking at her. She was blurting out what was on her mind now, as he’d planned; but none of it made sense to him. He was lost in looking at her. She was so sweet, so pretty in her confusion, he ached. Ached to turn back the clock and change choices that had been set in stone before he’d met her. Ached to haul her close and tumble down the barriers she’d put up between them.
The thought of making love to her made him burn inside, so fierce and hot that he had to force his mind back to the real issue. He needed to be calm and focused. “Casey deserves to know who she is. This isn’t about your past, Sam,” he added gently, knowing how hard this would hit her. But someone had to tell her, and he was the only father Casey had.
Unless Sam has found another man and Casey has already accepted him as her father?
“This is about Casey and her needs,” he went on, ignoring the dark coils of jealousy that sprang up at the thought of another man touching Sam. “Why isn’t she the sort of child my family will welcome? I know they can be a bit snobbish about dress and appearance, but they’ve never stopped me doing what I want with my life. They’re dying to meet Casey. They have a room full of presents for her, stuff recommended by the Royal Blind Society. They want to meet her so badly. She’s their granddaughter, Sam, their flesh and blood.”
After a moment, she sighed. He saw her hands trembling. “I didn’t mean it like that,” she muttered low. “It’s not that…”
“Then what is it? You said she’d asked about me. Are you trying to keep me from her, Sam? Would you deprive her of her father, of her family heritage, so you won’t be alone?”
At that he saw the faltering of that fierce lioness, saw her resistance stumble, leaving a crack of vulnerability shining through.
“If she finds out the truth one day—that she has a whole family in Melbourne that you’ve kept from her—she’ll resent the hell out of you for keeping her from them. Casey deserves to experience the love of extended family that’s every kid’s right. You should understand that, Sam. Do you still lie awake at night wondering who you are, wondering where your mother is and why she left you? Why your dad didn’t hang around?” He waited a moment, but she didn’t reply. “I know you do, Sam. Everyone wants to know who they are. Are you going to deny that security to Casey just so you won’t be alone anymore?”
She looked up at that; her eyes flashed. “You don’t understand.”
“Make me understand,” he said quietly. Trying to see how she’d react to his words.
Sam turned and walked to the window, looking out at the trees bending in the wind. The storm, which had hovered off-coast for a while, was closing in fast—but it didn’t compare to the turbulence inside her heart. Within minutes of Brett’s return he’d left Sam feeling raw and exposed—and now she felt more vulnerable with each probing word he uttered. On a night when emotional roller coaster didn’t begin to cover the way she felt, she couldn’t speak.
The laughing, live-for-the-moment Brett she’d adored had become quiet, dark and driven. What had he been through in Mbuka? Instinctively she knew whatever he’d told her so far had only scraped the surface of his suffering. The almost two years of therapy he’d endured showed how close to death he’d come.
And now his father was ill, in a wheelchair…and it was her fault.
Given what he’d been through, what his family had been through, she couldn’t tell him about his father’s threat to take Casey from her. Being an orphan who’d never had the priceless treasure of family, a heritage or any sense of belonging, she couldn’t take those threats from Brett. She’d spent her entire life craving what he had. It wasn’t his fault his family didn’t find her good enough for their beloved son. How could she blame them for that, now she had Casey? She wanted the very best for her beautiful girl…
Brett might be the single greatest threat to her security in Casey’s life and love at this moment, but he’d obviously suffered enough. For the sake of the love she’d once had for him—for Casey’s sake, too; the Glennons were her grandparents—she must keep silent about the reason for her flight from Melbourne.
She may not know how it felt to belong or about being loved, but she knew about disillusionment and abandonment.
She lifted a shaking hand to wipe away the sweat she hadn’t known was breaking out on her face until that moment. “There’s nothing to understand. Casey and I are a double package, and that’s all—and we both stay in Sydney.”
She could see his gaze on her, searching her face; she forced her eyes to remain calm as she faced him down.
Eventually he sighed. “I’ll play your game for now, but the playing field could shift sides without warning. I want to know my daughter.”
“I wouldn’t prevent you if I could.” She’d take what advantage she could get, for as long as she could, but Brett was far too much a take-charge man to sit in the backseat for long. “You’ll love her, I know you will. She’s such a little imp at times, but so loving. You barely know she’s blind half the time, she’s so able and smart.”
His eyes grew dark, shadowed again. “I’m sure I will love her—she’s from both of us,” he agreed. “As sure as I am that my family will love her just as she is. As sure as I am that having Casey to love would have helped my parents during the time they thought I was dead.”
She’d expected a frontal attack, but at his words the world seemed to go elliptical, swaying around her in strange arcs. She reached out behind her to a chair, the closest thing she could find as an anchor. I can’t tell him, I can’t!
Silence seemed the only option. To vindicate herself at the cost of Brett’s family, his stability and security, was too selfish.
As selfish as you’ve been all these years in keeping Casey from all the rights and privileges of being a Glennon?
The pain was too great to bear. Every way she looked, her choices, both past and present, hurt someone she cared about.
But all those other people at least have someone else to love. Casey is all I have.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered, praying he would leave it at that, knowing he wouldn’t.
He stared at her, frowning. “Even if you couldn’t handle living with Mum and Dad, why didn’t you at least stay in Melbourne? Then you’d have known I was alive the past two years.” His voice came out raw and scraped with intense emotion. “You’re my wife, Sam. I went through hell in Mbuka—but the real nightmare began when I came home and found out I could be a father to a child I’d never seen. I lay awake night after night, wondering if you were all right, if I had a son or daughter. Wondering why you’d run—and if you’d run from me.” His lips pressed together and she knew he was in pain that was as much physical as it was emotional. “I needed you, Sam,” he managed to get out through gritted teeth.
Her eyes closed as she prayed for strength. He was hitting her right in the heart with every word he spoke, because they came from his heart. “You needed me?” Her throat scratched on the words. “I was in hospital for weeks after you left, bleeding and in constant danger of miscarriage. I called you from the hospital, trying to talk as if nothing happened because I didn’t want to upset you when you couldn’t do anything about it! I needed you, Brett—”
“Is
