Open Secret. Janice Johnson Kay

Чтение книги онлайн.

Читать онлайн книгу Open Secret - Janice Johnson Kay страница 3

Open Secret - Janice Johnson Kay

Скачать книгу

have to go away with strangers, too. And I felt horribly guilty because I was so relieved they’d chosen me.”

      He swore.

      She started, as if remembering he was there. “It was awful,” she said simply, wiping her eyes with her fingertips. “I swore that someday I’d find them. But then the years went by, and somehow I never did.”

      “What made you decide the time had come?”

      “I got a divorce three years ago. I’m not very close to my aunt and uncle, and I felt so alone.” She gave a small laugh. “That sounds pathetic. I’m sorry! It’s not as if I don’t have friends, but… I don’t know. I was left with this huge chasm inside. I felt empty.”

      Uh-oh. Unrealistic expectations always scared him. Adoptees invariably believed that finding their birth mothers would somehow make them feel whole. It was common to imagine scenarios rather like those in a romance novel. The adoptee believed that the moment he saw this woman, his mother, he’d recognize her, on the most fundamental level. The connection would be magical. All the hurt would be erased, difficulties in trusting people, in finding intimacy, would be healed.

      On the one hand, he did believe the seeking and finding were healthy steps for an adoptee or a birth parent. Even if the relationship ultimately went nowhere, disappointment could provide closure. If he didn’t believe that, he wouldn’t help.

      But no stranger, blood relative or not, could fill the emptiness this woman felt inside herself. And it wasn’t fair of her to ask anyone else to do that, or to feel hurt and angry when they couldn’t or didn’t even want to try.

      “Let me ask you a few things,” he said.

      She started to open the tote. “I have notes…”

      “Not that. Not yet. It’s you that concerns me.” When she looked at him, startled, he told her, “I’ve been doing this for some years now. First you need to know that sometimes I don’t find the person I’m looking for. The trail is just too cold. Most of the time I do. But what I find isn’t always what the seeker is hoping for.”

      She opened her mouth, but he shook his head.

      “No, let me finish. A couple of years ago, I was hired by a woman who’d given up her baby boy when she was sixteen. Her parents and everyone else convinced her he’d have a better life with a stable family. I was able to trace him. The adoptive father had abused him. He’d died in that adoptive home six months after she signed the adoption papers.”

      Suzanne Chauvin stared at him, aghast.

      “I’ve found birth mothers who refused any contact with their children. Mothers who were prostitutes. Turned out one had given up five babies for adoption over the course of eight years. I initiated contact to say that her daughter hoped to meet with her, and she said, ‘Which daughter?’”

      The woman across from him asked, in a wounded voice, “Why are you telling me this?”

      “Because I want you to go into this with clear eyes.” He leaned forward to emphasize his point. “What do you expect at the end of this search, Ms. Chauvin?”

      “I…” she faltered. “To see them, of course. To talk to them.”

      He waited.

      “To know what’s happened to them. That they’re all right.” She bit her lip. “To say I’m sorry.”

      “You were six years old.”

      “I know that!” she cried. “I know there wasn’t anything I could have done! But that doesn’t stop me from feeling guilty.”

      “So you want to ease your guilt.”

      Her cheeks flushed. “You make that sound…reprehensible.”

      “No. No, it’s not. I’m just trying to find out what’s most important to you. Do you expect these two strangers to become your sister and brother again? Best friends?”

      Her mouth worked for a moment, making him feel like a brute, before she said with dignity, “I would love for them to be my brother and sister. Just that. We’re adults now. Even if we’d grown up together, we might be spread across the country and only see each other once a year. I don’t expect us to…to time-travel, to have a different childhood where we stayed together, if that’s what you’re asking. I’d just like to renew a bond that was very important to me. And…” Her voice went quiet, so quiet, he just heard her. “I’d like to be able to tell them about Mom and Dad. About how loved we were.”

      After a moment, he nodded. “All right. I have just two cautions. One is that I want you to realize that, even if we find them, one or both may choose not to have any contact with you. They may feel bitter, or just indifferent. If the adoptions were successful, they may feel no need to explore their birth family.”

      “But…wouldn’t they want to know a medical history, at least?”

      “Your aunt and uncle may have provided that.”

      “Yes…” Her forehead crinkled. “I suppose.”

      “We’ll get back to that. First let me offer my second caution, which is simply not to expect too much from your sister and brother. With the best will in the world, they may not fill that emptiness.”

      She flushed again. “I really don’t expect them to. I didn’t mean to suggest I did. Only that I was at a low point in my life when I decided to initiate the search. Whether you believe it or not, Mr. Kincaid, I’m a reasonably stable, well-adjusted human being. I have a good job, I own my own home, I have friends, I…” Something seemed to stick in her throat. A lie she couldn’t tell. Had she been going to say, I date?

      She spoke with such offended dignity, he half expected her to rise and announce that she wouldn’t need him after all. He saw on her face that she wanted to do just that. He watched her struggle with the desire, then overcome her pride and hurt feelings.

      Like the stable adult she’d said she was.

      He relaxed slightly.

      “If you feel prepared to go ahead, let’s get to the details. What do you know about them? What did you discover? Where do you think you failed?”

      She explained what steps she’d taken in her search, guided by a book with which Mark was familiar. Unfortunately, despite her many phone calls and letters, she’d accomplished next to nothing. Her collection of notes was pitifully small. She’d struck out earlier in the quest than he’d hoped.

      Her aunt and uncle had placed the children through an attorney in a private adoption—or adoptions.

      “They claim not to know whether Lucien and Linette went together or to two different homes,” his client said.

      “How do they feel about your determination to find your sister and brother?” he asked.

      “They aren’t very happy about it,” she admitted. “Especially my uncle.”

      “Which is the blood relation?” It didn’t always matter, but in this instance his gut feeling was that it did.

      “My

Скачать книгу