in her taut face and posture. If only she would give up this madness!
Emma tapped Traveler with her heels and rode to her sister’s side. “Annie…” She frowned, changed her tone. She had tried pleading. “Anne, this is your last chance. It will soon be too late to change your mind. As your doctor, I am advising you to reconsider your decision to make this journey. You are not yet recovered from—”
“Do not say it, Emma!”
Anguish flashed across Anne’s pale face. Emma’s heart squeezed, her professional doctor’s facade crumbled. “Oh, Annie, forgive me. I did not mean to—” She stopped, stared at the silencing hand Anne raised between them, the uncontrollable twitching fingers that were the outward sign of Anne’s inward suffering. She reached out to touch her sister’s arm. It was jerked away.
Emma pulled back. She stared at her younger sister, once so happy and loving, now so grim and distant, and closed her hand in a white-knuckled grip on the reins. All Anne had ever wanted was to marry and have children. But that dream was now as lifeless and cold as the stone that marked her loved ones’ graves.
“I know you mean well, Emma. And I do not mean to be sharp with you. It is only—I cannot bear—” Anne’s hesitant words stopped on a small gasp. She clutched her side.
Emma took note of Anne’s closed eyes, the increased pallor of her skin, and clenched her jaw. She could not bring back Phillip and little baby Grace, but she could treat the physical injuries Anne had sustained in the carriage accident that had killed her husband and child. Only not here. Not on a wagon train.
Almighty God, if You can change the heart of a king, You can make Anne change her mind and return home to Philadelphia where Papa Doc and I can properly care for her—where the love of her family can help her over her grief.
Emma shifted in the saddle, closed her heart against the useless words. The prayer would only be heaped atop all the countless others she’d offered that had gone unanswered. She cleared the lump from her throat. “Annie—”
“No!” The black bonnet swept side to side. “I am going on, Emma. I cannot face the…the memories at home.” Anne opened her eyes and looked straight into hers. “But I want you to go home, Emma. It is foolish for you to come along, to place yourself in harm’s way so that you may doctor me when I no longer care if I live or die.” Anne’s voice broke. She took a ragged, shallow breath. “Turn around and go home, Emma. You still have your dream. And all you desire awaits you there.”
Emma’s vision blurred, her throat closed. She looked away from her sister’s pain, stared at the wagons that had become the symbols of William’s lost hope and Anne’s despair—of her own thwarted ambition. Why God? Why could not at least one of us have our dream?
Emma huffed out a breath and squared her shoulders. Pity would help nothing. But the truth might help Anne. At least it would keep her from feeling guilty. “How I wish that were true, Anne. But though Papa Doc has taught me all he knows of medicine, his patients do not accept me as a doctor. And they never will.” The frustration and anger she held buried in her heart boiled up and burned like acid on her tongue. “It is time for me to set aside my foolish dream. I will never be a doctor in Philadelphia or anywhere else. Men will not allow it. They will not permit me to treat them or their families. And who can be a doctor without patients?”
She lifted her chin, tugged her lips into the facsimile of a smile. “So, you and I will journey on together. And we had best start, or we will fall out of place behind our wagons and be chastised by the arrogant Mr. Thatcher.” She urged Traveler into motion, gave an inward sigh of relief as Anne nudged her mount into step beside her. “What slow and lumbering beasts these oxen are. It will take us forever to reach Oregon country at this pace.”
Anne stared at her a moment, then turned to face forward. “Forever is a long time to live without a dream.”
The words were flat, quiet…resigned. Emma shot a look at Anne but could see nothing but the stiff brim of her black bonnet, the symbol of all she had lost. Oh, Annie, you cannot give up on life. I will not let you!
Emma set her jaw and fixed her gaze west, her sister’s words weighing like stones in her heart.
Zach stopped Comanche at the edge of the woods, rested his hands on the pommel and studied the wagons rolling across the undulating plains. The line was ragged, the paces varied, but it was not bad for the first day. Too bad he’d had to scout out the trail conditions. Things would be better had he been around to run the practice drills himself. Still, Blake had done a fair job, but he was too soft on the greenhorns. They had to learn to survive, and there was more to that than simply learning a few new skills. They had to develop discipline, and a sense of responsibility to the group as a whole or they would never make it to Oregon country.
Zach frowned and settled back in the saddle. There had been a lot of grumbling when he pushed them to an early start this morning. The problem was the emigrants’ independent spirit. They balked like ornery mules being broke to harness when given orders. It was certainly easier in the military where men obeyed and performed duties as instructed. But it was not as lucrative. And, truth be told, he had his own independent streak. No more fetters of military life for him.
“We are going to be free to roam where we will, when we will. Right, boy?” Comanche flicked an ear his direction, blew softly. Zach chuckled, scratched beneath the dark mane. Of course he had his ambitions, too. A trading post. One that would supply both Indians and army. And the fee for guiding this wagon train to Oregon country, combined with what he had saved from his army pay, would enable him to build one next spring. The large bonus promised—if he got the emigrants to Oregon before the winter snows closed the mountain passes—would buy the goods to stock the place. He intended to earn that bonus. But in order to do that he would have to drive these people hard and fast. It snowed early in those high elevations.
Zach gave Comanche a final scratch and settled back, his lips drawn into their normal, firm line. Too bad they were not all reasonable men like Mr. Allen. It was obvious, even at his first meeting with the emigrants back in St. Louis, that the man understood the need for rules and limitations. Of course that wife of his was a different matter. She had no place on a wagon train with her fancy, ruffled silk dress. He had learned in his days of command to spot troublemakers, and Mrs. Allen spelled trouble with her challenging brown eyes and her small, defiant chin stuck in the air. She looked as stubborn as they came. Beautiful, too. More so today, standing there by the wagon in the soft, morning light.
Zach again crossed his hands on the saddle horn, drew his gaze along the line of wagons. There she was, riding astride, and looking at ease in the saddle. He never would have thought it of her with her fancy gowns and her city ways, but astride she was. Must have had that outfit made special. He’d never seen anything like it. She looked—
He frowned, jerked his gaze away. The woman’s beauty was but a shallow thing. He had overheard her complaining to Allen of their wagon being too small to live in. He shook his head, glanced back at the slender figure in the dark green riding outfit. Coddled and spoiled, that was Mrs. Allen. But she was her husband’s problem to handle, not his. And a good thing it was. He was accustomed to commanding men, not obstreperous women.
The lowing of oxen and braying of mules pulled him from his thoughts. Zach straightened in the saddle, stared at the mixed herd of animals coming over the rise behind the wagons. Those fool boys were letting the stock wander all over the place! And that bull in front looked wild and mean. If he caught a whiff of the river ahead and took it into his head to run—
He reined Comanche around. “Let’s bunch up that herd, boy.” The horse needed no further
