I don’t mean it that way. I just wondered. How did you do it? It’s sort of creepy, you know, in general. Someone can be watching you at any time, even in your own home, and you have no idea.”
She shuddered, and Risa felt terrible—guilt was an emotion that had been largely regarded as useless in her life. She couldn’t do her work if she was going to feel guilty about prying into people’s thoughts, etc. But it was different this time—most of the people she’d scanned before were terrorists, enemies, but Kristy was neither.
“I was good with technology when I worked for the government.”
She thought back to all the hours, days and weeks when she’d been glued to computer networks, sifting through a constant barrage of information, trying to catch any stray byte that would be meaningful to the analysts at the Pentagon. It was a more intense connection, more difficult to maintain, than reading people, and once she’d gotten inside of the stream of information, it was often difficult getting back out. She’d shorted out like an overloaded circuit several times before they figured out how much she could take. Even then, Dr. Laslow had pressed her limits, always reminding her how important her work was. After her parents’ deaths, her work became her purpose, the thing she held on to that was constant in her life. If she ever felt lonely, she’d learned to push it aside.
It was an added benefit that all the residual knowledge, all of her understanding of how computers and networks worked, had stayed with her. She knew computers as well as she knew her own heartbeat. This wasn’t something she could share with Kristy, obviously. For her friend’s safety, the less she knew, the better.
However, Risa had never really had any conflict about her work or about spying on the people in her apartment building. She’d been taught to do what was necessary, and that’s what she’d done. She herself was exposed and studied in every aspect of her life, by Laslow and the government; it was the norm for her. But Kristy reminded her that most people expected privacy.
“It’s not difficult to get basic surveillance equipment if you know where to look, and since the building already had a decent security system, I just worked with that and added some enhancements. Mostly at night, or when people were out at work, gone shopping, stuff like that.”
“Even Ben Richter, on the third floor?”
Risa turned her head, detecting a subtle change in Kristy’s tone—why was she asking these questions?
“Yeah, even him. Why?”
“I’ve been crazy about him for months, but he doesn’t even know I’m alive. He works at the same lab I do. He’s here for a year from Germany as part of Ridge 2000—the program studying the midocean ridges. I thought he was just shy, but I can’t seem to strike up a conversation, or anything,” she confessed hurriedly.
“Maybe he’s not into women.”
Kristy smiled, though Risa didn’t understand what was so funny. It was a logical deduction that if a man wasn’t interested in an attractive woman like Kristy, then one of the reasons could be that he was gay. Or married. Or both.
“Nah, thanks for the vote of confidence, but I don’t think I’m that irresistible. And I’ve seen him out with girls. Believe me, those looks combined with his accent—Oh, my God, just hearing him say ‘good morning’ turns my knees to water—any red-blooded woman within hearing distance is toast. I never would have thought a German accent would be sexy, but oh, my.”
“That doesn’t mean he’s not gay.”
“How do you figure?”
“I read the minds of many men who had homoerotic tendencies, most of them buried in the subconscious. They didn’t even realize it themselves. Most of them were married or actively hetero. A lot of people simply can’t deal with those repressed feelings.”
Kristy shrugged. “I guess it’s possible. But I just have a gut feeling it’s not true in Ben’s case.”
Risa turned, interested. “Gut feeling?”
“Yeah, you know, an instinct. You just kind of know when something is true, even when all signs would indicate otherwise. Intuition, I guess. You know what I mean?”
“No, not really.” Risa scowled and looked out the window—she had sensed some things about people around her, Kristy and Daniel, but she found the vague indications of moods or tones aggravating after spending a lifetime accessing specific information. “I thought you were more of a scientific type?”
“I am. I am a solid supporter of the scientific method. However, the really big advances, the breakthroughs in science, are usually based on intuition. Those inklings can lead a scientist in the right direction.”
“If you say so.”
Kristy shot her a disbelieving look. “Don’t you get ‘gut feelings’?”
Risa wasn’t sure how to answer. “Dr. Laslow said my instincts weren’t as developed as normal people’s since I could simply find out what I needed to know with a touch. My superior strength meant I didn’t have the strong fight-or-flight responses that normal people have. Now I can sense some things about people or situations, but it’s not something I trust—I don’t know how anyone could trust it.”
Kristy passed over that idea to hone in on what Risa had let slip. “You were superstrong, too? Is that part of the psychic thing?”
Risa cursed herself silently—she had to be more careful. “I’d been working for the government, and in physical training, pretty much since I was born. I guess I was just in better physical shape from childhood than most people,” she hedged.
Of course, that wouldn’t explain why she didn’t have that same strength now, and she hoped her shrewd friend didn’t ask. Risa spoke quickly, filling the gap before Kristy could inquire anymore deeply.
“I’ve always been curious about things like intuition and gut feelings, though. When you have a feeling about something, do you actually feel it? Is it sensation? Pain?”
“No, not actual pain. I don’t know if it’s the same for everyone, but I get a kind of sinking feeling in my stomach if I think something bad is happening. Or, for instance, every time I see Ben, I just know that if I could get his attention, we’d be great together.”
“And you trust these feelings? Without knowing for sure?”
“Completely.”
Risa thought about the warm, pleasant sensation she’d had when MacAlister had kissed her, but she wasn’t comfortable discussing it. She’d assumed everyone had that reaction to being kissed, but maybe it came down to chemistry? What did that mean for her and MacAlister? Was that the same kind of gut feeling Kristy had for Ben?
“But Ben’s never talked to you? You don’t know him?”
“Not much. Basic conversation, hello, goodbye, how are you? That’s it. But I can’t get my mind off of him. Anyway, I was thinking if I had an inside line, if I knew about his interests, or what he does outside of work, you know, like where he was going this Saturday, then maybe I might fare a little better.”
“You want me to spy on Ben so you can try to seduce him.” This made sense, and Risa smiled.
