her mind cleared she was shocked at herself for having given in to her feelings without caution. But how could she have thought about it in advance when it had sprung on her out of nowhere, like a storm from a calamitous sky?
And if I’d seen it coming I wouldn’t have let it happen, she mused. Would that have been better?
She found that a hard question to answer. Would it really have been better not to discover the fierce pleasure of his lovemaking?
And could she have turned away from Leonizio when everything in her had flamed with need of him?
When it was over there had been the dizzying sensation of seeing her own reflection, her locks cascading about her shoulders. It was like meeting another person and trying to believe that it was herself.
Silently she’d addressed the woman in the mirror.
I guess you’re my other self. A different me, and yet the same me. I’ve never met you before, and I’m not sure I want you to hang around. You’ve already got me into trouble.
To make certain of it, she pulled her hair back again, fixing it tightly as before.
Now stay away, she told her other self, now fading into the mists.
If Leonizio noticed that she had changed selves he didn’t mention it. He’d paid his bill and they bade each other a polite farewell.
He’d soon returned to Italy and after that they had communicated only formally. He had abandoned his claim on his wife’s child and the divorce was moving to a speedy conclusion. That was the end, she told herself. Leonizio no longer needed her professional services and each could forget that the other existed,
Eight weeks had passed since she’d last seen him. She’d spent the intervening time telling herself that it had been a fantasy. Nothing had really happened.
But, with shattering impact, she had discovered that she was wrong. She’d been reckless to sleep with him, but they had used protection. Only it must have failed. It had to have failed. She was carrying his child.
To make her troubles worse, she desperately needed someone with whom she could share the news. But she was alone. Both her parents had died several years before, and there were no other family members that she was close enough to confide in.
Suddenly her life had become a desert. She was thirty-eight, and pregnant by a man four years younger than herself. Who else could she tell but her baby’s father? However hard it would be to manage, they must have one more meeting so that she could reveal the news that changed the world.
By good luck some papers arrived that required his signature.
‘Best not entrust these to the post,’ she’d said to Dallon. ‘I’ll hand deliver them.’
‘There’s no need for you to go all the way to Italy to be a messenger,’ he’d protested. ‘There’s a firm I can use to deliver this stuff.’
‘I think it would help if I was with him when he signs, in case he raises any problems.’
‘Fair enough.’ He’d given her a friendly grin. ‘You weren’t planning on doing some sightseeing in Rome as well?’
‘Well, it’s my grandmother’s city and I’ve always longed to see it.’
‘Ah, I see. Get a sneaky holiday under the guise of duty. Very clever.’
He’d winked kindly. ‘All right, I’ll fall for it. You’re due for a break.’
She’d smiled and let the matter go. Anything was better than having him suspect her real reason for going to Rome.
She’d emailed Leonizio that she would bring the papers and set off at once, without waiting for his reply. There was a flight due to leave that same day.
She landed in Rome in the evening, too late to go to his office, so she made for the Piazza Navona.
It was among the most prosperous places in the great city. Here, Leonizio’s business centre was located, with his apartment two streets away. Checking into a nearby hotel, Ellie asked herself for the hundredth time whether she was doing the right thing in coming here. But these days most of her own actions confused her.
I was mad to come, she mused. I should have sent someone else. I was also mad to go into his arms, but it all happened so fast I couldn’t think. I have to see him. I have to tell him everything myself.
Briefly, she considered letting her hair hang loose, but all her defensive instincts rose against it for fear that he would get the wrong idea.
‘I don’t want him thinking that other me is still around. He must have no doubt who he’s dealing with now.’
From their correspondence she knew his private address. As the light faded she slipped out of the hotel and made her way to the nearby street where he lived. There was an elegant block of apartments, with lights in almost every window. She looked up, wondering if she might see him.
Several minutes passed while she tried to pluck up the courage to ring the bell. But she couldn’t manage it, and had almost decided to retreat when the sight of him at a window made her draw in a sharp breath. He pushed it open, leaning out, while she stood, tense and undecided. She was just beginning to back into the shadows when he looked down.
His face was in shadow but there was no mistaking the shock that pervaded his whole body.
‘Ellie? Ellie?’
‘Yes, it’s me,’ she called back.
‘Wait there.’
He was with her in a moment, ushering her inside and towards the elevator, which took them up to the second floor. Once they were inside his apartment she walked ahead a few steps, then turned and saw him standing by the door, regarding her curiously.
‘I couldn’t believe it was really you down there,’ he said.
He approached and put his hands on her shoulders.
‘Let me look at you,’ he said. ‘It is you, isn’t it?’
‘Can you doubt it?’
‘Maybe. You look like a woman I once knew—just for a short time.’
A very short time, she thought. And we didn’t know each other, except in one particular sense.
Aloud, she said, ‘Nobody stays the same for ever.’
‘That’s true. So tell me, has the divorce hit a new problem at the last minute?’
‘No, you have nothing to worry about. Harriet has signed all the papers so far, and we’ve fixed a date for her to sign the rest. There are some more forms for you to sign, and then it will be pretty much over. I’ve brought a few of them with me.’
‘Instead of just putting them in the mail? Thank you so much.’
‘Things can get lost in the mail,’ she said. She was prevaricating as the crucial moment neared,
