mother had been left a widow five years ago, had enjoyed a happy married life with their father for over twenty years, and she just couldn’t understand—or forgive—Lindsay for simply moving in with Joel the way that she had. Nothing much had been said, the disapproval being mainly silent, but Lindsay had been as aware of it as if her mother had shouted it from the rooftops.
She had tried to persuade Joel to visit her mother sure that once the two of them met they would get on together. Joel had refused, and her mother had been unenthusiastic about the idea too, always complaining about their living arrangements when Lindsay visited home alone. To make matters worse Mike considered her living with Joel was really great, further encouraging her mother’s disapproval. If she needed any encouraging!
‘Do you think I was wrong, Judi?’ she voiced her uncertainty to her sister.
‘Not when you loved him so much,’ Judi shook her head.
‘But you and Jonathan never—I mean——’
‘No, we didn’t,’ Judi confirmed hollowly. ‘But I’ll always wish that we had.’
Lindsay’s eyes widened. ‘You will?’
Judi nodded. ‘But he refused to once he knew how ill he was, said he didn’t want us to have any accidents that would maybe prevent my marrying after—after he was gone. As if I’ll ever want to marry anyone else now that he’s dead!’
Judi’s fiancé Jonathan had died two years ago of leukaemia, leaving everyone who knew and loved him devastated by his loss, Judi had never recovered from losing her childhood sweetheart so tragically, the two of them having dated since they were at school together, and Lindsay now felt guilty about introducing a subject that could still upset her sister so much.
‘I’m sorry, love,’ one of her hands covered Judi’s. ‘I shouldn’t have probed.’
The hazel eyes were shadowed with memories. ‘It’s a relief to be able to talk about him, actually. Mother avoids the subject as if he never existed. And she keeps bringing up the fact that she doesn’t have any grandchildren yet.’
Lindsay’s mouth twisted wryly. ‘Then I must be a double disappointment to her.’
Judi smiled comfortingly. ‘I think we’re all a disappointment to her—even poor Mike gets nagged about how irresponsible he is, and he’s only eighteen!’
Lindsay shook her head. ‘I can’t understand why you continue to stay here. Mother certainly doesn’t appreciate you.’ Lindsay had taken the first opportunity she could to escape her mother’s oppressive attitude after their father died, having moved to London as soon as she had the job to do so.
‘I don’t mind,’ Judi smiled again. ‘My job is here, and most of my friends are too. And when it gets too much for me at home I can always go up to London for a few days to visit my notorious sister!’ she added mischievously.
Lindsay grimaced. ‘I dread to think what Mother’s going to say when I tell her I’ve left Joel.’
‘Do you have to?’ her sister sympathised.
‘I suppose I should,’ she pulled a face at the thought.
As it turned out her mother was the one to introduce the subject. ‘I telephoned you several times last week.’ She looked at Lindsay accusingly, a small plump woman with prematurely grey hair who didn’t look as if she could possibly be the mother of such a tall family. ‘That man Maybury kept telling me you weren’t at home. I would have thought, with—with Mr Sutherland away,’ she even had difficulty mentioning his name, ‘that you would have stayed in during the evenings. I know the two of you have an—unorthodox arrangement,’ she added haughtily, ‘but I’m sure he wouldn’t like the idea of you going out without him like that.’
Lindsay shot Judi a resigned look. ‘I wasn’t at the apartment, Mother, because I’ve moved out,’ she told her bluntly, knowing there was no other way.
Pale green eyes sharpened suspiciously. ‘Moved out? What do you mean?’
She sighed, aware that her young brother was all ears as they sat around the luncheon table. ‘I’ve moved back to my own apartment,’ she explained.
‘Why?’
Her brows rose at her mother’s vehemence. ‘I thought you’d be pleased by the news.’
‘Pleased!’ her mother echoed shrilly. ‘You disgrace the whole family by moving in with that—that man,’ she amended at Lindsay’s frowning look, ‘and now you expect me to be thrilled that you’ve moved out again!’
‘Yes.’
‘Well, I’m not.’ She stood up noisily, leaving her meal only half eaten. ‘You’ll be ruined by this, Lindsay,’ she warned agitatedly. ‘The whole family has been ruined by your selfishness!’ and she stormed from the room.
Lindsay was trembling in reaction to the explosion, giving a shaky laugh to break the tense silence. ‘So much for motherly love,’ she derided.
Judi gave a regretful sigh. ‘She’s just surprised, she expected you to marry Joel.’
‘She wasn’t the only one,’ Lindsay choked.
‘Does this mean you won’t let me look around Joel’s photographic studio?’ Mike put in disappointedly.
‘Mike!’ Judi reproved him frowningly. ‘Can’t you see Lindsay is upset?’ she glared at him.
‘But she was the one who left him——’
‘Oh, be quiet, Mike!’ Judi snapped with uncharacteristic sharpness. ‘Maybe when you’re a bit more mature you’ll understand.’
He stood up. ‘I wish you’d all realise that I am mature!’ He slammed out of the room disgustedly.
Lindsay pulled a rueful face. ‘I think his pride is injured.’
‘Then he should think a bit more before he speaks. Don’t worry,’ Judi assured her as she still looked concerned, ‘I’ll talk to him later.’
‘And Mother?’
Her sister shrugged. ‘She may take a little longer coming round, but she will eventually.’
‘I needed her understanding now, not eventually!’ Lindsay said with bitterness.
Judi sighed. ‘I’m sorry, love.’
So was she, sorry she had ever told her mother about Joel. And she needn’t have done; she could have lied to the whole family, could have simply told them she was changing apartments, and they would have been none the wiser. But she hadn’t; she had been honest about her actions, had borne her mother’s disapproval without demur. It would have been better for everyone, including herself, if she had never heard of Joel Sutherland.
And yet as she lay alone in her bed that night she couldn’t help thinking about him, wondering if he too were lying alone in the huge double bed they had shared for so long. Somehow she doubted it; he had never wasted time in replacing his women in the past.
God,
