Then he sat forward and let his friend pull the jacket off him. “Do you feel like talking?”
River nodded. “Try.”
“I know. I know it’s hard to talk. That’s due to the drugs, but…I’m sorry, Riv.”
River nodded. “Before Steph died…” His tongue felt thick and clumsy, and the words he formed in his mind didn’t make it all the way to his lips. He felt much like he had on prom night a hundred years ago when he and the jocks from the team had spiked the punch and he’d drunk way more than his share. Ethan had saved his ass that night. Practically carried him home, poured him into bed and then covered for him.
“Wasn’t this bad—jus’ the blackouts. And not rememememem…”
“Remembering,” Ethan finished. “I know.”
“Now…I can…barely…funchin…funchin…fun—”
“Function,” Ethan said.
Nodding, River lifted a hand to his lips, wiped and felt moisture. “Jesus. Ethan…I’m drooling.”
“I know. I know. I didn’t expect this, either.”
“It’s meds. Gotta be. Meds.”
Ethan nodded. “It’s possible. But River, you’ve got to stop getting violent with the staff here. It’s only making things worse. They’re here to help you. The way you’ve been acting the past few days, I’m afraid that without the medication, you might hurt someone.”
River narrowed his eyes on his friend. “Someone…tried…kill me.”
“What?”
“Pillow…on my face. Couldn’t see who. Came up sing—sing—”
“Swinging?”
“And…and they came in. I kep’ fighting. I din’t know…who—”
“All right, all right. Calm down. Don’t get agitated again.”
River took a few breaths, wiped the sweat from his forehead with his sleeve. “Not a violent…man. Din’t…kill Steph. You know that.”
“I know,” Ethan said, lowering his eyes.
“S’posed to get better…here.”
Ethan sighed. “River, I’m going to review your meds, see where we can start lightening up the doses, and gradually bring you off them. Then we can get an idea where you are without chemical help. And I’ll speak to the staff, make sure you’re safe. I’ll have them keep your room locked while you sleep, have them keep a closer eye on you. All right?”
“Can’t jus’ stop…meds? Jus’ stop them?”
Ethan shook his head slowly. “Not all at once, no. You’d be a mess if we did that. I’ll start lowering the doses today. I promise.”
River sighed. “Okay. Okay.”
“Okay.” Ethan clasped his shoulders one last time, then got up and went through the door.
River struggled to his feet, though he had to press his palms to the wall to do it. Then he clung to that wall, pushing himself along it, around a corner and to the door. Exhausted, he leaned against it, his head resting on its smooth, cool surface, his ear pressed tight, because he thought someone might be out there waiting to come in when Ethan left. He had to be careful. Be aware.
“…must be so hard for you, seeing him like this,” a woman was saying. “He’s not the same man he was when he came here. But I suppose it’s eating away at him. He killed his pregnant wife, for heaven’s sake.”
“Doctor, he’s drooling a bit,” a second female voice said. “Did you notice it?”
“Yes. I’m afraid he’s getting worse,” Ethan said. “Showing signs of increased paranoia. Brand-new set of delusions. We’re going to need to increase his meds.”
“But, Doctor, he’s exhibiting extrapyramidal side effects,” the second voice said. “Doesn’t that indicate he should be taken off the Haldol altogether?”
“Excuse me, who are you exactly?” Ethan asked.
The first woman spoke. “She’s new here, Doctor. Forgive her. Nurse Jensen, Dr. Melrose is an excellent psychiatrist. He knows his job.”
“I know mine, too,” the nurse said, but softly.
River heard footsteps, then the first nurse again. “I apologize, Doctor. I’ll see to it she learns her place.”
“Oh, don’t be too hard on her. You know how overzealous new nurses can be. Uh, maybe it would be a good idea to keep her away from this particular patient, though. All right? I don’t want anything interfering with his treatment.”
“You’re a good friend. He’s lucky to have you,” she said. “I’ll see to it immediately.”
“Thanks, Judy.” River heard scraping sounds, knew Ethan was taking his chart from the plastic holder there, probably writing in it. “Meanwhile, let’s increase the Haldol. See if it doesn’t help.”
River groaned softly and gave up his hold on the door, letting himself sink to the floor. Ethan didn’t believe him. His best friend didn’t believe him. His head spun and he fought, fought hard to latch onto a thought. A single thought, anything, to save himself from the madness that was trying so hard to swallow him up.
He wasn’t insane. It was the meds. The meds were killing him. Good. Good. What then? What could help him? He struggled; fog closed in but he pushed it back.
Nurse Jensen…she knew. But no, she couldn’t help him. No one could help him. He was on his own. Okay. So he was on his own. And on his own, he had to get out of this place. There. That was it, that was the answer he’d been seeking through the fog. He had to get out of this place.
Cassandra Jackson—Jax to her friends—sat in the front seat of Chief Frankie Parker’s SUV as the countryside of Blackberry, Vermont, unwound before her. She’d been here before, but she would never get over the beauty of a Vermont winter. The entire place looked like a Christmas card—sugar-coated pine trees, leafless maples and poplars glittering with icicles, blankets of snow covering every gentle slope and level field. Frankie drove, smiling and talking nonstop about the benefits of being police chief of a small town. Jax’s parents, Ben and Mariah, rode in the back, agreeing with every word Frankie said.
“You were so right about this place, honey,” Mariah said. “When you told us a year ago that we’d love it here, I thought you were crazy, but it’s wonderful. Truly.”
Jax shrugged. “Perfect for you doesn’t necessarily mean perfect for me.” Which was a lie and she knew it. She’d hit a glass ceiling in the Syracuse Police Department. Maybe because she was a woman, but more likely because her father was a convicted murderer who’d only been out of prison for two years. Either way, she’d gone as far as she could go there.
So
