movements lethargic and dreamlike, she sat up in bed, willing her hand toward the receiver. But the caller had given up. In the ensuing quiet, Sarah could have sworn she heard the ghostly ticking of her alarm clock, even though she’d unplugged it days ago.
Leaning back against the headboard, she wondered how long she’d been asleep. She wanted to know the time, too, but not enough to get up and go find another clock. Nor did she check her phone to see who had been calling at so late an hour. A phone call after midnight was never a good thing.
Her first thought was that her ailing father had taken a turn for the worse. When she’d been there a week ago, the doctor had warned her that the old man had only a few months at best. The doctor had tried to break it to her gently, but he needn’t have worried. Sarah would hardly be grief-stricken when the time came. She and her father had never been close. Sometimes, when he looked at her with the same old contempt, she wondered why she even bothered. She could have drifted along quite happily in their estrangement if Michael—Dr. Garrett—hadn’t persuaded her to try and make amends before it was too late.
He liked to tell her that avoidance wasn’t a solution, but Sarah wasn’t so sure about that. Sweeping her problems under the rug had worked pretty well for her in the past. Might have continued to work, if the insomnia hadn’t forced her back into treatment. And now, thanks to her visits back home, the nightmares had also returned.
Everything is connected, Sarah.
Well, no kidding.
She jumped, realizing that she’d drifted off again. Sitting upright in bed with her eyes wide open. She hadn’t been asleep, but the last few moments—or had it been hours?—had passed without her awareness. Now the phone was ringing again.
Someone really wanted to get in touch with her.
Sarah waited a moment, hoping the caller would give up again. When that didn’t happen, she reached for the phone with a sigh, as she glanced out the window. Just beyond her tiny courtyard, the dead branches of an oak tree windmilled in a frigid gust.
“Hello?”
“Finally.”
She recognized the voice at once, and his exasperated tone was like the prick of a needle against her spine. How like Sean Kelton to think she had nothing better to do, even in the middle of the night, than wait for his call.
“Are you there?” he demanded.
“Yes, I’m here. What do you want?”
“What’s wrong with you?”
Her hand tightened on the phone. “What do you mean?”
“It took you forever to answer and now you won’t say anything. It’s like you’re there, but you’re not.”
“For God’s sake, it’s the middle of the night. I was asleep.”
Sean fell silent. “I’m sorry,” he said, after a bit. “I wouldn’t have called if it wasn’t important.”
“It couldn’t wait until morning?”
“I didn’t know I’d wake you up,” he said defensively. “You never sleep unless…” His voice trailed off with the slightest edge of accusation. “What are you taking these days?”
“That’s none of your business. You gave up the privilege of poking around in my private life when you moved out.”
Hang up, a little voice urged her. Just press the button and make him go away.
His voice was so familiar, the regret it stirred was still so deep that Sarah’s free hand reached out for the pill bottle on her nightstand. Not finding it in the dark, her fingers scrambled across the wood surface.
“It may not be any of my business, but I still care about you, Sarah. I’ve been hearing things lately that worry me.”
“What kind of things?”
“You’ve been hanging out in some pretty rough places.”
“What, are you spying on me now?” The crab-like hand searched through the nightstand drawer and closed, like a claw, around a plastic medicine bottle. She cradled the phone against her shoulder as she twisted off the cap, then dry-swallowed half a Xanax. The bottle was alarmingly empty.
“I’m concerned about you. I know how you get when you drink. Especially if you’re still popping pills.”
“Oh, and how do I get, Sean? Why don’t you tell me?”
Another pause, one that seemed filled with his own regret. “You get reckless.”
“You used to like that about me.”
“There’s a difference between being reckless and self-destructive. Took me a while to figure that out, but I see it pretty clearly now.”
“Is that why you left?”
“You know why I left.”
No, she really didn’t, but her pride wouldn’t allow her to ask any more than it would let her chase him down the morning he walked out.
Looking back, Sarah realized that he had been trying to tell her for weeks that it was over, but she hadn’t wanted to hear it, so she refused to listen. She’d been out running errands that morning and had noticed something different about the house the moment she walked through the door. But she hadn’t stopped to consider what it might be. Instead, she’d gone into the kitchen for coffee and that was when she found his note propped against the sugar bowl.
You’re going to hate me for this, but I did what I had to do. If you want to talk, I’ll listen, but I don’t think there’s much left to say at this point.
Sarah had folded the note and slipped it into her pocket as she walked calmly into the bedroom, then opened the door of the closet as if trying not to set off a bomb.
Sean’s side was always a mess, but not that morning. His clothes were all gone. Suits, pants, shirts, everything. Nothing left, but a couple of hangers dangling from the rod and a crumpled shirt on the floor.
He’d cleaned out the bathroom, too, and as Sarah walked through the house, she saw what her subconscious had noted earlier. Missing CDs and books. His laptop. Favorite pictures.
Everything of his—gone.
A big chunk of her life—gone.
And now here he was, nearly a year later, calling her in the middle of the night.
“How long can you just sit there and not say anything?” he asked angrily.
“You’re the one who called me. I don’t have anything to say to you.”
“Sarah—”
“Just get to the point, Sean. I’d like to go back to sleep sometime tonight.” Although she knew that wouldn’t happen. She was wide-awake now.
“All right,” he said in a resolved tone. “I’m calling because I need your
