As her mother had always cautioned her, “Don’t do anything in the heat of the moment. You’ll always live with your regrets.” At this moment, her emotions were too raw to think rationally, so she cautioned herself to bide her time until she could approach the situation sensibly.
On the other hand, the difficulty she had went much deeper than the notion of having Cole’s child underfoot. It was the reminder that Ruth had succeeded in one night with what she had failed to achieve for months. If that wasn’t enough to howl at life’s unfairness, she didn’t know what would be.
“I’d do anything if I could turn back the clock,” he said quietly, “but I can’t.”
He sounded sincere. She wanted to believe that he’d never done anything like this before or since, and part of her did believe, but her heart was still too bruised to forgive. Given enough time, she hoped she would, but at this moment she couldn’t.
“I know you want me to smile and say everything’s okay. That I’ll unpack so we can bring Brody home and be one big happy family, but I can’t say those things.” She met his gaze. “I can’t. Not yet.”
He fell silent. “I can respect that, but while you’re mulling over the situation, we need to meet him, Sara. I need to see him. Not just a photo, but him. Brody didn’t arrive under ideal conditions, but he’s my son.”
She’d half anticipated his request. What man wouldn’t be curious about his own flesh and blood? She, on the other hand, wasn’t eager to meet the little person that he and another woman had produced so easily.
“If you’re asking for permission, feel free to do whatever you want.”
“I’d like you to go with me,” he said.
She shook her head. “I can’t. Not yet. Not tonight.”
Expecting him to protest, she was surprised when he simply paused. “Okay,” he said, weariness evident in those two syllables. “If you can’t handle seeing him so soon, you can’t. I’ll call Maitland and decline his invitation.”
As he rose and strolled toward the door, his usually squared shoulders slumped in defeat, she regretted being so petty. The thing was, she already guessed at how this situation would play out and she was simply trying to hold it at bay as long as she could, hoping another solution would present itself or, better yet, she’d wake up soon and discover this was only a nightmare.
As Cole had said, the boy’s future had to be decided. How could she possibly make the right choice if she didn’t face her demons? He was, after all, Cole’s son no matter how, why or when he had been conceived. Being with Brody would be a painful experience whether she met him tonight, tomorrow or next week, so she had to handle it like one handled any adhesive bandage. Rip off the tape in one swift motion rather than by degrees. Besides, she’d always faced her problems head-on. Ignoring them, pretending they didn’t exist, wasn’t her way, even if she wanted to indulge herself.
“Cole, wait,” she said as he reached the threshold.
He stopped and turned. “Yeah?”
“Would you really cancel and stay home tonight?”
“If that’s what you wanted,” he said simply. “I may not be the most sensitive fellow in the world, but I’m well aware that seeing the boy won’t be easy for you. If giving you more time to adjust will help, then that’s what we’ll do.”
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