of the way I talked and acted. I wanted you to love me so I tried hard to continue to be that woman even though she wasn’t really me.
“And all the time, I knew I wasn’t giving you what you needed but I didn’t understand what it was that I was doing wrong. I kept trying harder and harder but no matter what I did, you kept moving further away from me. Then one day I realized that if I tried any harder to be someone I wasn’t, I’d disappear forever.”
Stunned, he put both hands on her shoulders and tugged her onto her back with him braced over her. She tried to avoid his gaze but he put a finger on her jaw and applied gentle pressure until her eyes met his. “You don’t have to act a certain way to prove yourself to me. The only thing I ever wanted was for you to drop your shields and let me in.”
Her eyes widened at his husky words. A hesitant hand rose to touch his cheek and he felt his whiskers scrape her skin. He used to shower and shave before coming to her, wanting to be what he’d thought she needed.
“Really?” Doubt continued to throw shadows over her expression.
Understanding, he stroked the hair off her face. “Don’t you think I could tell what Ada had tried to do to you? What attracted me to you was your spirit, your refusal to be crushed by her. I was so goddamn proud to have you as my wife. You, not the well-bred, elegant doll.”
“And I was proud to have you as my husband.” Vicki’s hand slid to rest on his shoulder. “Proud of what you’d achieved through sheer determination. Did you know I used to brag to the other wives about your successful cases? Sometimes, I’d go sit in the back of the courtroom to watch you work and think, he’s mine.”
Caleb’s whole world changed in that instant. “Vicki,” he whispered. No one had ever been proud of him. His family came to him for money but not one of them had ever said, “Well done, Caleb, well done.” Not one of them had ever come to watch him defend a case. And not one of them had ever been so proud that they’d praised him to others.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I’m so sorry.”
He shook his head. “I’m as much to blame as you. I pushed and pushed like I always do.” As a child, belligerence had been the only way he’d been able to make his father, Max, “see” him. As often as not, his stubbornness had sparked Max’s temper, but back then Caleb had been desperate enough to value any connection with the man. The experience had scarred him, made him emotionally aggressive when dealing with the people who mattered to him, with Vicki.
“And I let you,” she added, taking a burden that should never have set on her shoulders. “Every time I tried to speak about it, I’d get so nervous and when you began to soothe me and say we could talk about whatever it was later, I’d agree. But later never came.”
Caleb wasn’t going to allow her to let him off the hook so easily. “Honey, I knew you wanted to tell me something…” I just didn’t want to hear it. I thought,” he dropped his head and owned up to his colossal blunder, “that you’d tell me you didn’t want to be in bed with me. So I tried to change your mind each time.” Another assumption, he realized, beginning to see the pattern in his dealings with Vicki.
Her eyes were huge. “What happens next?”
“I want to be married to you, Vicki.” Nothing subtle would work now. “Do you want to be married to me?”
The pause was minuscule. “Yes.” She took a deep breath. “Yes.”
It wasn’t the avowal he’d been looking for. But it was better than her earlier statement that they were still separated. “Then giving up is not an option.” It had never been for him. And despite Vicki’s ambivalence, he didn’t think it had ever been for her, either. If it had, she would have taken his key when she’d kicked him out and refused to see him those times he’d come over or invited her to lunch. But she hadn’t.
“Caleb…” She put a hesitant hand on his upper arm. “Do you want…? We can try again.”
The vulnerability he could see shattered him. He knew that right now, he could ask for anything in bed and she’d try to provide it. But he didn’t want his wife giving in to him because she was laboring under a burden of guilt. He wanted them to bridge this distance in the bright light of day.
“All I want is for you to sleep in my arms.” He dropped a soft kiss on her lips. It was one of the hardest things he’d ever done. Part of him—the part that had been deprived for years—whispered that he should take this chance, that it might never come again, that this emotional woman in his arms would be gone when morning arrived, replaced by the cool, elegant lady he barely dared to touch.
Troubled eyes met his. “Caleb, I can…”
“Hush.” He moved onto his back, pulling her against his chest. “Sleep. This is enough for tonight.” Despite the desperate voices urging him to take what she was trying to offer and not look back, he knew he spoke the truth. His wife was used to keeping her emotions well under control. And yet she’d come to him tonight.
Finally, she’d come to him.
Five
Vicki woke to the sound of Caleb showering. As always, she fantasized about going into the bathroom, stripping off her clothing and joining him in that steamy enclosure. What she’d give to run her hands over his soap-slick skin, to explore his beautiful body as she wished. But as always, she got out of bed and went to put on the coffee instead.
“One day,” she muttered under her breath as she set the coffeemaker. “One day soon.” She’d love to shock Caleb by joining him. He’d never expect that. And he was probably right—she didn’t have the kind of sexual confidence it took to approach a man naked and vulnerable, assured that he’d accept, not reject, her silent invitation.
Getting the bread out of the pantry, she was struck by the appearance of her hands—the oval nails polished a pale nude color, the tasteful wedding band that was her only jewelry. It seemed to her that she was exactly like her hand—well polished, boring and without character. Not a woman who did exciting things like surprise her husband in the shower.
The scent of Caleb’s woodsy aftershave warned her that he’d entered the kitchen. Without thinking about it, she turned and blurted, “Am I boring, Caleb?”
His eyes widened. “You might be a lot of things, honey, but boring isn’t one of them.”
“Tell me one thing I’ve done that’s been out of the ordinary.” She put the bread on the counter and frowned. “One thing I’ve done that you never expected me to do.”
“You asked me for a divorce.” He grabbed a couple of slices of bread and put them in the toaster. “Then you told me to go sleep in the guest bedroom—surprised the hell out of me and not in a good way.”
She breathed in the just-showered scent of him and wanted nothing more than to pull him down by that sedate navy tie and plant a shockingly raw good-morning kiss on his lips. Caleb had always looked good in a suit. “Hmm,” she said, staring at him as he reached up to get mugs from the upper cupboards. “Caleb?”
He put two mugs on the counter. “Yes?”
“Are we going to ignore last night?” She couldn’t bear to pretend anymore. It was as if once she’d ripped open this scar she had to keep pushing at it to
