on.
The biggest hell of captivity, even worse than the beatings and losing another marine, was not being able to tell her he wanted his son. He wanted to be obligated, to be involved. To pick up where he’d walked out and start fresh. Who knows? They might have been married now. But judging by the resentment in her eyes and the edge to her voice, it was going to be an uphill battle.
“That time—Us—It’s history,” he said.
“And the past is where it’s going to stay. Because the thing about you being selfish is that now I know. There’s no taking it back. And it’s a red flag for me that you’re probably not very good marriage material.”
“Now who’s assuming?”
“It’s not an assumption if you’ve got history to back it up.”
He ran his fingers through his hair. It was longer than military issue now and felt weird, different. Kind of like this conversation. He’d dug himself a foxhole and now he had to fight his way out of it.
“The most important thing is J.T.”
She nodded. “I agree.”
“He needs a mother and a father.”
“And he’s got one of each. There’s no reason to get wild and do something stupid.”
“I want to be there for him,” Joe said.
He’d nearly gone crazy, bound and blindfolded somewhere in the bowels of Afghanistan, knowing he was not only MIA as far as the military was concerned, but also during Kate’s pregnancy and the birth of his child. Not knowing if Kate and the baby were okay. He couldn’t be involved then because fate got in his way. But now he’d go to the mat with fate for the chance to know his son.
Kate frowned as she studied him. “Do you really believe a piece of paper and a couple of half-hearted ‘I dos’ are going to convince me that you’re a forever-after kind of guy?”
Of course not. He had up-close-and-in-your-face experience that a marriage license didn’t guarantee fidelity, loyalty and honesty. His ex-wife had barely waited until he’d deployed on his first tour before taking up with his brother. Out of sight, out of mind. But the betrayal was a double whammy and it had hurt so damn much that he didn’t want to be in that situation again. He wouldn’t let himself care. And he’d started to care too much for Kate so he’d broken it off.
The only good thing fate had done was deliver that letter before his last mission. Thoughts of seeing his son had gotten him through the darkest time of his life. He was here and Kate was going to have to deal with him.
“When it comes to J.T. I’m a forever-after kind of guy,” he said.
“But you also brought up marriage and I keep coming back to the fact that I don’t know you. Not then and not now.” She pulled at the paper that had covered her straw, shredding it over the burger she’d barely touched. “On top of that, you’re not the same man I knew before.”
No kidding. He was a hard man. War had a way of doing that to you. Scenes flashed through his mind. The rat-a-tat of machine-gun fire. The whine of a mortar. The explosion of IEDs—improvised explosive devices—while he was inserting or extracting combat teams. Screams from the wounded. The knot in his belly when he landed in a hot zone and the wounded were hastily loaded on board. Taking off and flying his heart out to get them medical attention before it was too late.
The blood. The moans.
If a man didn’t get hard, he didn’t get through. You turned off the feelings to get the job done.
“And you’re not the same woman I left behind. You can’t go through the process of bringing a life into the world without it changing you.”
“We finally agree about something. I am a mother now. I love J.T. more than anything in the world. And I’d do anything—” her eyes glowed with intensity “—anything in the world to protect him. It’s my job.”
“Is part of your job to protect him from his father?”
“It is if you’re going to waltz in, make him love you then disappear.”
Before he could respond to that, his pager went off. He pulled it out of his pocket and checked the digital display. “Dispatch,” he said. “The emergency code.” He called and listened to whoever was on the other end at the office, then met her gaze. “I have to go. Another patient for Mercy Medical.”
“I have to go back to work, too.”
They both stood and he looked down at her. “This discussion isn’t over, Kate.”
She sighed. “I know.”
Without another word, she walked away.
After picking J.T. up from Marilyn Watson, his babysitter, Kate took him home and changed quickly into shorts and a T-shirt. The baby fussed a little in his infant seat while she brushed her hair then put on a little blush and mascara. Earlier today, Joe had said they weren’t finished talking. And judging by the look on his face, their conversation would continue soon. He’d surprised her last night, but this time she intended to be prepared for battle. He was a warrior, she intended to fight like a girl.
In the living room, she lifted her son from the infant seat, kissing his soft cheek. “It’s bath time, Joey T.”
Talking nonstop nonsense to him, she walked into the spare bath off the hall. After assembling soap and washcloth, and filling the J.T.-sized tub, she got the baby naked and sat him in the lukewarm water, one hand firmly holding his chubby upper arm. Squealing with delight, he splashed away. They both loved this nightly ritual because they were both tired after a long day. Evenings were rarely serene and she counted on this happy time before the unrestful portion of the program commenced.
“I saw your Dad—Daddy—” Kate stared at the baby who had just discovered his navel and was poking at it with one finger.
When Joe had ignored her letter telling him he was going to be a father, daddy was the last thing she would have called him. Jerk was on her list and a few other, even less flattering, names. Then she’d tried her darnedest to forget him.
Now she knew why he hadn’t responded and her heart ached for him, what he must have gone through. She felt awful for believing the worst of him and knew part of that was about her own baggage before meeting him. But his rejection gave her more emotional baggage for the future.
Now he was back and they shared a child. There was every indication that he was dead serious about sharing this child.
She took the washcloth and washed her son’s head, gently letting the water trickle over his face. “I got a marriage proposal today, J.T.”
He blinked away moisture, then stared up at her with Joe’s blue eyes. She’d always known he favored his father, but seeing the man again confirmed that as much as she’d wanted to forget Joe, she would always see him in their son. And something else hadn’t changed.
In spite of the hurt and anger, Joe Morgan still made her knees weak and her heart beat too fast. That did not make her happy.
“Your
