kitchen counter, the urge to escape replaced by the desperate need for comfort. For understanding. For an answer that wasn’t the one she most feared.
‘I’m pregnant.’ Her hands trembled so she clutched them in her lap.
Eva sat on the stool next to her and settled her hand over both of Tess’s. ‘I’d say congratulations, but you don’t look much like celebrating. When did this happen?’
‘Six weeks ago. Exactly. The night Dan dumped me.’
‘I see. I guess that’s not the best timing,’ Eva said gently, the sympathy in her voice and the stupid sound of the piped lullaby making emotion close Tess’s throat. ‘Have you told Dan yet? About the baby?’
‘It’s not a baby,’ Tess said automatically, although she already knew that desperate deception had stopped working the minute she’d laid eyes on Carmine. ‘And it’s not Dan’s.’
‘Ah,’ Eva said, but refrained from asking the obvious next question.
‘The afternoon he dumped me, Julie got the flu and asked me to help host an event she’d been organising for Galloway. It was a great opportunity to make some new contacts, so I couldn’t really refuse…’
Stop rambling. Stop justifying. You did what you did. Eva won’t hate you.
‘I was stressed out and I guess still in a state of shock about Dan. And when I got invited to the after-party, this guy hit on me. In a big way. And I hit on him right back.’ She shut her eyes, picturing Nathaniel Graystone’s focused gaze, the melting look that had made her pulse skip, and cursed the shaft of heat that washed through her, even now. ‘He was sexy and gorgeous and so focused on me, I was stupidly flattered.’ She opened her eyes to find Eva staring at her in disbelief. ‘And after two solid hours of flirting and touching and tempting each other—we just sort of went off like firecrackers.’ She paused, gulped in air to push the last of the words out. ‘In a utility cupboard.’
‘I see,’ Eva said.
‘He used protection, but it was all so hot and mad and rushed and…’ She threw her hands up. ‘Basically, it must have failed. Somehow. Because I didn’t get my period and I took three pregnancy tests this morning and they were all positive.’ The frantic confession came to a babbled and humiliating halt.
‘Okay,’ Eva murmured. ‘But how can you be absolutely sure it isn’t Dan’s? Your protection may have failed with him.’
Tess cocked her head to one side. ‘Highly unlikely, seeing as the last time we made love was approximately three months ago.’
Eva’s lips twisted. ‘There’s a surprise.’
‘Sorry?’ Tess said, a little taken aback by the sharp tone. Eva had always liked Dan. Hadn’t she?
‘Well, you and Dan generated about as much sizzle as a wet flannel.’
Tess didn’t know what to say to the matter-of-fact statement. ‘Was it that obvious?’
Eva sent her a level look. ‘What on earth did you see in him anyway? He bored Nick and I to tears, but we figured he must be a wild man in the sack. Although apparently not.’
‘I thought we were well suited,’ she mumbled, realising how lame and ridiculous that sounded. What had she been thinking? Sticking with a guy for so long who did absolutely nothing for her, in bed, or out of it? Had she actually been that shallow? That obsessed with appearances? That desperate to have what she considered a suitable boyfriend? No wonder she’d gone off like a firecracker with Graystone without any encouragement at all. She’d been sex-starved and desperate.
‘Hmm.’ Eva gave a low hum, her eyebrow lifting in a sceptical frown. ‘But not all that well suited in one particular area.’
‘Not in any area really,’ Tess agreed, ashamed of herself. How could she have spent a whole year dating a guy who didn’t mean that much to her?
‘Enough about Dan.’ Eva leaned forward. ‘Tell me about Firecracker Guy? Who is he?’
Tess huffed. ‘He’s not Firecracker Guy. He’s Complete and Utter Disaster Guy. His name’s Nate Graystone. And I stupidly went to see him first thing this morning after taking the pregnancy tests, because I thought it was the logical next step…’ Tess paused, gulped down the swell of nausea, and finally admitted to herself that was a big fat lie. She hadn’t rearranged her appointments for today and hightailed it over to Graystone’s offices to tell him about the baby because she thought he needed to know.
When those little blue crosses had appeared, she hadn’t been thinking about logic or taking steps. She’d been in a state of shock, and so terrified all she’d really been thinking about was passing the buck—and making this pregnancy Graystone’s problem as well as her own.
Eva grasped her hands again. ‘Stop it, you’re doing the shell-shocked thing again. What did this Nate Graystone say? When you told him about the baby?’
The word baby echoed in Tess’s head, making her flinch.
‘It wasn’t what you’d call a roaring success.’ Tess lifted up shaking fingers and tried to sound flippant. ‘First he hit on me,’ she said, counting off the injuries she’d suffered that morning and praying for some fortifying anger to make the crippling feeling of inadequacy go away. ‘Then he said the bab…’ She paused. ‘He said it wasn’t his.’
If only she could have been mad at him, instead of simply terrified. The sudden realisation of how pathetic she’d been had the tears she’d been holding back flooding over her lids.
‘Oh, Tess.’ Without a pause, Eva placed an arm round her shoulders and gave her a hard hug. ‘Don’t cry. This is not that bad.’
‘How could it be any worse?’ Tess said, the choking sobs lodging in her throat. ‘I got dumped by the most boring man in the universe. I’m pregnant by a guy who I don’t know and who thinks I’m a liar. I don’t have a stable job. Or decent health insurance. I just moved into a flat that costs three thousand two hundred dollars a month.’ She took a deep breath and finally said the thing that she had feared the most. ‘All of which means I should have an abortion. But just the thought of it makes me feel…’ she gulped in air, the hideousness of her situation assailing her for the first time ‘… that I’ve failed. That I’m a stupid, terrible, selfish…’ The sobs finally burst out of her mouth, the warmth of Eva’s arms only making her feel like more of a fraud. She didn’t deserve Eva’s sympathy. She didn’t deserve anyone’s sympathy.
‘Shh.’
At long last the sobs eased off, and Eva shifted back. The dampness in her friend’s eyes almost set Tess off again, but she refused to give in to the pity party.
‘The first thing you need to ask yourself is do you want to have an abortion?’ Eva asked softly.
‘I don’t think so,’ Tess answered instinctively. The tears spilled over again. ‘I’ve been trying really hard to pretend it’s not a baby. Not yet. But the minute I knew, I felt…’ she paused, lifted tear-soaked eyes to her friend ‘… different somehow. Connected. But I’m not sure I have any other options,’ she said dully. The one thing she couldn’t be now was insane. She’d been insane enough already.
Eva
