minutes you practically had your tongue in his mouth. How restrained was that?
Even so, right up until the second her lips had touched his she’d thought she could handle it, because what she’d told him was true—she was over Terrence Patrick Sullivan. Completely and totally over him. So why at the exact moment of contact had she experienced that icily electric thrill, as if she had leaped recklessly out into empty space and was suddenly plunging toward destruction?
Her only consolation was that he’d obviously been hit by the same force that had smashed her detachment to bits. And although she was pretty sure she’d hidden her reaction from him, Bailey thought shakily, there had been no mistaking his response for anything other than pure, immediate desire.
But that meant nothing. She opened her eyes. If all she wanted from the man was another brief physical fling, she could be in his bed within twenty-four hours. She could have those strong, hard hands on whatever part of her body she chose. She could see those blue, blue eyes looking down on her and becoming blindly hazed with passion. She could feel his mouth the way she used to feel it, slowly and unerringly igniting every secret desire she’d ever imagined.
But that would be all she would ever have from him. And that was why she was over him.
“The way I hear it, your guy Jackson used to have an alcohol-abuse problem,” she said abruptly. “How under control is it?”
A driver in front of them made a typical Boston lane change—no signal and at the last possible minute—and Sullivan jammed on his brakes. He looked over at her. “Hank takes it day by day, just like any other recovering alcoholic. He’s got his five-year pin from AA, if that’s what you’re getting at, and I’d trust him with my life.”
“But you’re still checking up on him personally,” she argued. “You’ve got some doubts about him, haven’t you?”
“No.” His tone was flat and uncompromising. “If he hasn’t been at work for the past few days then something’s the matter. I should have known about this sooner.” He geared the Jaguar down as they entered a rotary, merging seamlessly with the flow of traffic. “You were right about one thing. I’ve let myself slack off these last few months.”
There was a hard edge to his voice, but Bailey knew instinctively it wasn’t directed at her. It was directed at himself, she thought curiously, darting a look at him through her lashes, but self-chastisement was something that the Terry Sullivan she knew didn’t indulge in.
His jaw was set and his expression was unreadable. Maybe she’d imagined that tone of disgust in his voice, she thought hesitantly, but now that she was studying him, she realized there were other changes she hadn’t noticed earlier. They were subtle, but they were there.
There was a steel-wire tenseness about him that betrayed itself in the grim lines that bracketed his mouth. His face was leaner somehow, his cheekbones harder looking. He drove with the same casual competence he’d always had, but on closer inspection she could see that the knuckles of the hand wrapped carelessly around the steering wheel were held tightly enough that they were whiter than the rest of his skin.
At first glance he still gave the impression of a big, lazily sexy man with not much more on his mind than the nearest attractive female. He gave that impression because he wanted to give that impression, she thought slowly. Had it always been a facade? Had it been a facade even when she’d known him a year ago?
“Sully? The man was a maniac—always volunteering for suicide missions, always with that incredibly charming but quite mad grin on his face. It got worse after the Salazar woman was killed.”
The gray-haired British officer’s words came back to her, and so did the feeling of frustration she’d felt when the man had refused to elaborate any further on what he’d told her. The name of Maria Salazar had had that effect on others who had known Sullivan, too. One of his closest friends, a pale-eyed, grimly silent mercenary named Quinn McGuire, had simply gotten up from the table and walked away when she’d asked him what he knew about the woman.
But right now wasn’t the time to go into the subject of Maria Salazar. She cleared her throat awkwardly.
“You run a different kind of operation than Triple-A. With the dozens of case files that Sullivan Investigations must be working on at any given time, it’s not possible for you to be familiar with each one personally. I was out of line saying that.”
“Yeah, but that’s what I liked about you, honey.” Like magic, the grim look had disappeared from his face. One corner of his mouth lifted wryly as he briefly switched his attention from the traffic to her. “You were always out of line. I’ve missed that.”
He didn’t know it, but he couldn’t have said anything more calculated to wipe out the fragile détente she’d been about to embark on. Bailey stiffened.
“If you missed anything at all about me, it was nobody’s fault but your own. You had me. You got bored. End of story.” Her tone was barbed. “But since you like it when I cross the line, I’ll oblige. Tell me, Sullivan, why did you have to destroy me? When you were talking on the phone to your newest plaything that morning, you knew I was right behind you and hearing every word you were saying, didn’t you?”
“I knew.” His admission took her aback for a moment, but his next words floored her. “I planned it that way.” He shrugged. “You had a concept of me that wasn’t real. A clean break seemed best.”
His words were completely uninflected. Unhurriedly he swung the Jaguar down a smaller side street lined with older, slightly dilapidated homes, as Bailey scrambled to cope with his unwelcome revelation.
She’d lied to herself, she thought. She’d never gotten over him—not totally. It had taken this latest admission of his to open her eyes, but this time she wanted to be absolutely sure she understood him.
“You say my concept of you wasn’t real. What do you mean?” she asked carefully.
“You were beginning to think of me as someone you could build a future with.” He could have been talking about the weather, there was so little emotion in his voice. “Your faith in me was all wrong, but you couldn’t seem to see that. I did you a favor, Bailey. I let you see what kind of man I really was before it was too late.”
“Your timing could have been a little better,” she said, still not looking at him. There was a far-off roaring in her ears that made it hard for her to hear her own voice. It was as if she were holding a conch shell and listening to imaginary waves crashing against an imaginary shore, she thought foolishly—as if she was standing in the middle of a desert, longing for a sea that didn’t exist.
“My timing could have been a lot better,” Sullivan said harshly. Pulling in to the curb in front of a small bungalow, he switched off the ignition and turned to her. “I never should have gotten involved with you at all.”
“So why did you?” she rasped, amazed to find that her voice still worked in any fashion at all. “If going out with me in the first place was such a big mistake on your part, why did you?”
His eyes darkened as he looked at her. “For God’s sake, do you think I had any choice?” he said tightly. “You came into my life. I took one look at you and I was lost. I didn’t care if it was the smart thing to do, the responsible thing to do, or the right thing to do—I wanted you. Even knowing that I was going to have to make you walk away in a day or two didn’t matter, honey.” He rubbed the heel of his hand against his mouth in frustration. “You
