jaw tightened. He still didn’t understand why Elaine hadn’t come to him when she found out she was pregnant. Granted, the handful of times they’d spent together had been more a series of one-night stands than an actual affair. And by insisting on using protection, he had made it clear that he wasn’t interested in a commitment.
But if she had just sought him out, told him that something had gone wrong and that she was carrying his child, he would have married her in an instant. He was a man who took care of his obligations.
Instead, she’d remained silent, even when she fell ill and left his child with her mother to raise. Hell, if the old lady hadn’t gotten sick herself, he never would have known he had a kid.
He shook his head. Every time he thought about all the years he’d missed with Lissy, it made him a little crazy. He couldn’t help thinking that maybe, if he’d had a chance to get to know her as a baby, to see her grow and get acquainted with her gradually, he wouldn’t be such a bust as a parent now.
Then again, maybe not. The truth was, the Lander County Boys’ Home hadn’t prepared him for fatherhood, instant or otherwise. Nor had it taught him the first thing about being part of a family. No matter how hard he tried, he didn’t know what to say or how to act, much less how to befriend a little kid—and a girl, at that.
And though he wasn’t surprised, it ate at him. He’d long ago decided he’d never marry, since what he’d seen at the orphanage—boys left alone, whether by their parents’ choices or by their parents’ deaths—had convinced him that love couldn’t be depended upon. But with Lissy it was different, since neither of them had a choice in the matter. She was here, and he was here, and he knew damn well that she deserved better than he was able to give.
Still, they’d managed all right during the summer. Due, no doubt, to the fact that his nearest neighbor’s teenage daughter had been willing to baby-sit, leaving him pretty much free to go about his business as usual. Now that school had started and he and Lis were on their own, it wasn’t so simple, however. In addition to having a twelve-thousand-acre ranch to run, he had to contend with baths, bedtimes, laundry and meals. And without someone to run interference, his normal reticence combined with his daughter’s shyness was making for increasingly long and awkward silences.
Across the way, Lissy started down the bus’s steep metal stairs. It was his signal to climb out of the truck, and he did, striding around to the other side as she walked up. “Hey, Lissy.” Opening the passenger door, he reached for her bright red backpack and tossed it onto the truck’s abbreviated back seat.
She glanced shyly up at him. “Hi.”
He reached out and boosted her carefully onto the seat. She weighed next to nothing, making him acutely aware of his own strength. Straightening, he stepped back and waited for her to fasten her seat belt. Once she did, he shut her door, walked around and got in on his own side. As soon as the bus lumbered away, he started the truck, made a tight U-turn and headed back to the ranch.
Silence reigned as he tried to think of something to say. Finally, after more than a mile, he glanced surreptitiously at her. She jerked her gaze away from him and stared down at her lap, pink touching her cheeks as she began to pluck at her skirt with her pale fingers.
He cleared his throat. “So…how was your day?”
She shrugged one thin shoulder. “Okay.”
“Anything interesting happen?”
Her fingers stilled. After a moment, she nodded. “Uh-huh.”
He waited, but she remained silent. “What?” he said finally.
To his surprise, she suddenly sucked in a breath and turned to face him. “Jenny Handelmen asked me to come to her birthday party!”
He stared at her. Her usually sober little face was lit up like a Christmas tree. “She did?”
“Uh-huh. She wasn’t going to—” her pleasure dimmed a fraction “—but her mom said she had to ask all the girls in the class.”
John suppressed the urge to ask who in the hell had felt compelled to tell her that. “Yeah, well, the important thing is you got invited,” he said awkwardly.
She appeared to think about that. “I guess.” Her face brightened. “She’s going to have pizza, and a Barbie cake and chocolate ice cream. And she said we’re gonna play games!”
He frowned, surprised by the extent of her excitement. “That’s good, huh?”
She started to reply, then appeared to reconsider. “I think so.”
“Don’t you know?”
She shook her head and her unruly mop of dark blond corkscrew curls bobbed around her shoulders, making him belatedly wonder what had become of the ponytail he’d struggled so hard to secure that morning. “I—I’ve never been to a birthday party before.”
“You haven’t?”
“Uh-uh.”
“Why not?”
She shrugged, her expression suddenly uncertain. “Grandma always said no.”
“Huh.” He’d known Lissy’s grandmother only briefly, but it hadn’t taken him long to form an opinion about her character. He wondered if it had been disapproval of having fun in general or the price of a gift that had made the old lady deny the kid such a simple pleasure.
“So can I go?”
He started to say yes, then caught himself. “When is it?”
“Saturday.”
“This Saturday? Tomorrow?”
“Uh-uh.” She shook her head. “The next one.”
His heart sank. “Are you sure?”
“Uh-huh.”
“What time?”
“Six. Remember, I told you, we’re gonna have pizza for dinner.”
Great. The annual Cattlemen’s Association banquet was due to kick off at seven the same night in Missoula, a hundred and twenty-five miles away. He’d already tried and failed to get a sitter, so he’d gone ahead and made a reservation for the two of them at the hotel. As outgoing president, there was no way he could miss it.
Yet something told him that Lissy wasn’t going to see it that way. He glanced at her. For once she was staring straight at him. Her eyes—the same intense blue as his own—were bright with anticipation. “Can I go? Please?”
He swallowed a curse. “No, I’m afraid not.”
She blinked in surprise, her long lashes brushing her translucent cheeks as all the joy drained from her face. “Oh,” she said in a small voice.
“Look, I’m sorry.” Even to his own ears, his voice sounded stilted. “I’ve got a meeting that night and I can’t miss it.”
“Oh,” she said again. She swallowed hard, turning away to once
