bleary-eyed reflection—and the fact that he was not, had never been, and would never be normal.
What right did he have to dream about being Kelsey’s father? His own father had been one hell of a lousy role model. The only thing Rob’s father had taught him was how to beat the crap out of a kid like Kelsey—how to degrade her and crush her self-esteem into oblivion. Oh, yeah, and he had also learned from his dear old dad how to intimidate and hurt without leaving bruises behind. He knew how to be feared and hated.
What goes around comes around.
Rob got dressed, carried his suitcase to his car, and then climbed back up the stairs and onto the deck to knock on Jess’s kitchen door.
He took a deep breath, forcing his speeding heart to slow. Yes, he was going to see her, but only for the briefest moment.
He knocked then waited as he heard her movement in the kitchen, as the door swung open. Jess stared out at him through the screen. She was wearing shorts and a T-shirt, and her feet were bare. Her hair was slightly messed, as if she hadn’t gotten around to brushing it yet this morning. Her eyes were guarded.
“Hi,” Rob said, wishing that she would smile at him, but knowing that she wouldn’t. He looked away from her, down at the deck. “I, uh, just wanted to let you know that I’m going out of town tonight.”
Jess pushed the screen door open, a gesture that invited him inside. She had just finished pushing and prodding Kelsey onto the kindergarten bus, and had been getting ready to leave on her regular Thursday morning grocery run when Rob had knocked on the door. But the groceries could wait. She wanted—no, needed—to talk to him. But he shook his head, still not quite meeting her eyes.
“I’ve got to get to the office—I’m already running late,” he said. “We’ve got a project going and we’re working around the clock.”
Jess stepped out on the deck, joining him in the hot morning sunshine. “Gee, and I thought you were just hiding from me.”
He was tired. She could see it in his eyes, on his face, in the way he was standing. But he smiled at her words. It was a sweet smile that touched his eyes with sadness and made her heart turn over.
“I was doing that, too,” he admitted. His smile faded, leaving only the sadness in his brown eyes. “I’m sorry about…what happened.” He rubbed his forehead as if he had a bad headache. “The bottom line,” he continued, “is that I really had no right to go out with you in the first place. I thought I could handle it—you know, being with you—but I couldn’t, and I’m really sorry, Jess. The last thing I wanted to do was to hurt you.”
“I don’t understand,” she finally said when he didn’t speak again. “Are you telling me that you’re married?”
He shook his head. “No.”
“Engaged?”
Another head shake.
“Seeing someone else?”
“No, Jess, it’s not that at all…” But he didn’t explain.
“Then what?” She willed him to look up, to meet her eyes, and finally he did. “Are you some kind of priest?”
That got a rueful smile. “Not even close.” He paused, looking away again. “I just…I need some space, some distance. I got too close, Jess, and I needed some time to back away. I still need time.”
She crossed her arms, wondering if he could read the unhappiness in her face as clearly as she read his. Why wouldn’t he be more specific? Why did he need space? There was clearly an explosive spark of attraction between them that in her mind was well worth the time and effort it would take to explore it. She liked him and he liked her. Why not see where that might go?
And unless Rob had some dark secret that was keeping him from starting a relationship with her…
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I really am.”
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