speaking.
Lydia shrugged. “I’m here now. No use crying over spilled milk.”
Then he started laughing. That didn’t help Lydia’s mood. She backed away from him, pushing her hands through her tangled hair. “You think that’s funny?”
“Yes. I mean, no.” He pulled her back into his arms.
“It’s just that…Lydia, you amaze me. You are so practical and pragmatic. Spilled milk.”
“Well, this is a big old puddle of a mess, don’t you agree?”
He probably could tell she was getting all worked up. He didn’t try to hug her again. Instead, he stopped laughing and let out a sigh. “That is correct. A big mess that I’ve somehow managed to get a nice girl like you involved in. Not only that, but one of the best men I know died tonight. Because of me.”
What could she say to that? She’d been so scared and confused, she hadn’t even stopped to think about his friend. She couldn’t resort to bickering and sarcasm after hearing the anguish in his words. Especially his next statement.
“This is all my fault.”
Since Pastor Dev walked on ahead, she had to follow him or risk getting left out in the Georgia woods with all the varmints and bugs and men in wigs. She caught up with him, but remained silent, sending up prayers for the soul of his friend. Lydia’s mother had always told her silence was golden. Since the woods were so dark and quiet, with only the moonlight and stars to guide them, she decided it was a good time to go to God in prayer about this whole bizarre situation.
Lydia worried as she prayed, not only about herself and her life, but also about Pastor Dev. He was right. He’d lost one of his best friends back in that hotel room. Now she reckoned he was grieving in a kind of delayed reaction way. And what about Reverend Pierson’s family? How was anyone going to explain this to them? What about the authorities back in Atlanta? Would they be hushed up, or would Lydia’s and Pastor Dev’s names and pictures be plastered all over the news? How would they ever get out of this?
She asked God all of these questions as they walked along, then she asked Him to show them the way. Lydia knew in her heart that Pastor Dev had to be telling her the truth, but she wondered how in the world such a good and decent man had become involved with killers and thugs. Then she reminded herself CHAIM was supposedly a Christian organization, meant to help those in need. And that would mean sometimes having to deal with dangerous, unscrupulous people.
He’s one of the good guys, Lydia, she reminded herself as she chanced a glance over at him. Remember that. Then she tried to imagine all the places he’d been, the horrible things he’d seen in his operative days. And he’d said he had to retire? What did that mean? Not, I retired, but I had to retire. There was a big difference in that particular wording. And just who wanted him dead?
He’d said he thought he knew who.
So she asked him. “Who’s behind this?”
“I can’t tell you.”
“But you think you know, right?”
“I’m pretty sure, yes.”
“Did you do something bad, for someone to want you dead?”
Dev didn’t speak for a while. Their feet crunched on leaves and twigs, each sound causing Lydia to walk closer to him. He grabbed her hand to keep her from tripping against his feet, since she was like a shadow right at his heels.
“I didn’t do anything bad,” he finally said. “I did do something that made some people very angry at me. But I had my reasons.”
“Such as?”
“I can’t explain it right now, Lydia. I’ve got people investigating things. It’s very complicated.” That was an understatement. He didn’t know where to begin.
“Yeah, well, it would have been nice to be forewarned about…your past life. I’ve known you for a while now, and I never would have guessed—”
“That’s how CHAIM wants things. We’re trained to fit right in, wherever we go. Sometimes, we fit in too well.”
“You can say that again. Are you even a real preacher?”
He looked over at her, masking the piercing hurt her doubt brought. “Of course I am. I attended seminary in New Orleans. I trained to be a minister. I just got sidetracked for a while.” Then he shook his head. “No, that’s not exactly correct. Being in CHAIM taught me more about being a Christian than anything else, even preaching.”
“I guess so, what with all the deception and intrigue. I’m sure that comes in handy each Sunday when you’re quoting the Gospels to all the good, decent folks back in Dixon.”
“I know you’re confused and angry,” he said, taking her hand again. “But my experiences in CHAIM have helped me with my messages each Sunday. My past life has taught me compassion, and understanding and unconditional love.” Then he squeezed her hand tight. “Lydia, I can’t bear you being angry at me. But I certainly don’t blame you.” He let out a long sigh, his hands dropping to his side. This wasn’t going to be easy, not with Lydia. She was too innocent for this. “If I’ve lost your respect, then I truly am lost.”
That comment shut her up, good and proper. But she glowed in her silence, and she didn’t exactly feel like pouting anymore. He wanted her respect above all else? Did that even hint at any type of feelings he might have for her, other than those of friend and coworker and fellow Christian?
Lydia swallowed hard, prayed for guidance, then said, “You did have my respect, and you still do. I just wish I’d had your trust so you could have told me about all of this.”
He pushed a hand over his face. “It’s not a matter of trust. CHAIM doesn’t allow us to give out information. We tell no one. We don’t share the details of our jobs. That would put too many people in danger. And I think someone has done exactly that—given our identities and our locations away. There are people all over the world who’d like to see all of the CHAIM operatives dead.”
“Starting with you?”
“It looks that way, yes.”
“But now that I know about CHAIM, can’t you give me a few more hints? I need to be prepared for the worst.”
He heaved them both up an embankment, then stopped to take in the lay of the land while Lydia stopped to marvel at his strength—not just his outer physical strength, but an inner core that now radiated around him and made him seem powerful and heroic in her eyes. And made her wonder, yet again, just how many secrets he was carrying.
Too tired to figure all that out, Lydia concentrated on their surroundings. The woods were shrouded in a blanket of gray moonlight, the river glistened like a silver necklace. She could hear the rustling of forest creatures off in the distance. At least, she hoped it was forest creatures and not humans dressed in disguise, coming for them.
Since he just stood there like a good-looking block of stone, she reminded Pastor Dev again. “I need to understand. I like details, I like to be organized and prepared.
