“You can come anytime, you know,” Ellen said, a hopeful note in her voice.
“I don’t want to impose.”
And before they could tell her yet again that her presence would never be an imposition, she walked out of the kitchen. Waddled, more like.
All the way to the entrance she was far too aware of Nick looming behind her. She quickened her pace, but in spite of his limp he moved surprisingly quick. He had moved past her, pulling her coat off the rack in the entryway. A protest sprang to her lips, but it was probably better, for now, to simply put up with all his hovering.
As he lifted her coat up over her shoulders, his fingers brushed her neck. A tiny shiver danced down her spine and Beth jerked away.
“I’m sorry,” he said, his voice gruff. “Just trying to help.”
“It’s okay.” She murmured her automatic reply, wondering why she felt so jumpy around him. Probably because she fell short of his expectations of the grieving widow.
Not much she could do about that. She had shed more tears before Jim died than after.
A brisk wind howled around the yard as they stepped out from the shelter of the trees. Beth pulled her coat closer around her, shivering.
“Are you warm enough?” Nick asked as he walked alongside her, his footsteps crunching on the dry snow.
She wasn’t, because her coat was too small and could barely close around her stomach. She didn’t want to spend money on another one when she would be moving to a warmer city soon. So she just shivered through the cold.
“I’m plenty warm enough.”
They walked in silence toward her house. In the distance a coyote sent a howl up to the sliver of moon hanging just above the mountains. Stars were scattered bits of light in the inky-black sky above them. She felt her tension ease away in the presence of all this peace and beauty.
As much as this place held bad memories, she knew she would miss it. The peaceful quiet was a welcome antidote to the emotions warring in her soul.
“So how are you managing?” Nick asked as he limped alongside her, his hands in his pockets. “With Jim gone?”
“I’m okay.”
“And financially?”
“I’ve got my…widow’s pension and I work part-time in a craft store in town. I used to work as a waitress until my boss told me I had to quit.” She worked both places for minimum wage, but every penny was deposited into her escape fund.
Only, now she didn’t have to escape anymore. Jim had left her before she could leave him.
“I know I said it before,” Nick continued. “But I’m really sorry for your loss. I’m sure it’s…hard. What with the baby and all,” he said, his voice a rough sound in the quiet evening. “I know Jim looked forward to seeing you again and the baby, of course. Being a family again.”
Beth suppressed a burst of anger. Being a family hadn’t been high on Jim’s list of priorities before he left.
“I’m sure he was,” was her noncommittal reply.
They came to the darkened house and Beth shivered again, her steps slowing. She’d forgotten to turn on a light before she’d left for the Carrutherses’ house. She hated coming home to a dark place.
It meant no one was home and she would be all alone again.
She climbed the single stair to the front door and turned to Nick. In spite of gaining half a foot, she still had to look up at him.
He was good-looking enough and Beth wondered again why he was single. She knew from the few letters Jim had sent home that his friend was thirty-four and had never been married.
Why was she thinking about him? His life was none of her concern. He would be gone by tomorrow and in a week, if all went well, so would she.
“Thanks for walking me back to the house,” she said. “I think I can manage from here.”
Nick shifted his weight to his other foot and hunched his shoulders as he released a heavy sigh. “Beth…I feel wrong being here…just me. Jim always said he wanted to bring me to see his parents’ place, bring me to meet you…” His voice faltered. Then he coughed and composed himself. “I’m so sorry. I wish I could make things better. When…when Jim was dying, he asked me to tell you that he loved you. That he was sorry.”
Beth blinked back a sudden and unexpected flush of tears. Jim had said he was sorry so many times that the words had lost their meaning and their power to change her view of him.
“I appreciate you telling me this,” she murmured, sensing Nick’s need to know he had completed his mission. “Thank you.”
Nick cleared his throat again. “I wish I was good with words, but I’m not. I just can’t find the right ones to tell you how sorry I am.”
Beth looked at him, then released a heavy sigh. “Words are cheap and easy to throw out, so don’t worry about not having the right ones.”
Nick gave a jerk of his head that Beth supposed was a nod. “Before Jim died he asked me to make a promise to take care of you. And to take care of your baby. I’m not sure how I’m going to keep those promises—”
“Don’t say anything more.” Beth held up her hand. “I can manage on my own. So I absolve you of whatever promise Jim made you make. You can leave tonight knowing you’ve done your job. For the rest, I just want to start the next phase of my life on my own.”
When she saw the frown on his face she regretted the harsh note that had entered her voice. She’d been so careful to keep things under control. She couldn’t let herself be drawn into the uncertain area of words and emotions where she knew she would lose her footing and her way.
“I’m sorry,” she said quietly, pulling back from her anger. “Thanks for bringing me to the house. I appreciate you coming and telling me what you told me. As for what Jim told you…well…Jim tended to be kind of dramatic, so don’t take what he said too seriously.” She stopped, realizing how that sounded. Jim had made Nick agree to the promise while he was dying. Of course it would be dramatic. She sighed and tried again. “I guess I’m saying that it’s okay. I understand what Jim was trying to do, but it isn’t necessary. So thanks for delivering the message. And…well…goodbye.” Since there was nothing more to say, she slipped into her house and shut the door.
She leaned her tired head against the rough wood as Nick’s words resonated in her mind. Jim asked me to watch out for you.
She closed her eyes, then slammed her fists against the door, trying to find an outlet for the myriad of emotions tangling and twisting through her mind.
“Why did you tell him that, Jim?” she whispered into the dark, wishing her husband could hear her. “You never cared before.”
She waited a moment, trying to find equilibrium and trying not to let even the tiniest flicker of hope lull her into believing anything Jim told Nick.
Jim’s
