still. And when the first climax hit her, she shuddered in his arms and cried out, “I love you, Mac. I love you.”
Emotion had ripped through him at her declaration, swelled in his chest as she’d clung to him, and he’d thrust deeply again and again. And just as his own release had fired through him and he’d followed her over the edge into the storm, the condom had broken.
Rachel could feel the tide of color climb up her cheeks. She remembered all too clearly the night Mac was referring to. Even now, she had trouble reconciling the person she knew herself to be with her so out-of-character behavior with Mac that summer. Somehow during those wild weeks they had been together, falling in love with Mac had transformed her from the shy, conservative minister’s daughter into some bold, wanton woman she didn’t recognize. A woman who had shamelessly urged her lover to make love with her standing up inside the front door of her apartment. One look at Mac’s face and she knew he was remembering, too.
“When the condom broke. That’s when it happened. That’s when you got pregnant, isn’t it?”
“Probably,” she said, averting her gaze because just the memory still had the power to make her ache. She had loved him and had foolishly believed that Mac couldn’t possibly make love to her as he had and not feel the same way. And she’d been proven dead wrong. “Based on when P.J. was born, it was around that time.”
“Rach, that day when I came to say goodbye,” Mac began, his voice low, soft, as though it were difficult for him to speak. “Did you…did you know that you were pregnant?”
“No,” she whispered, surprised by the emotion swimming in his eyes. “I mean I knew I was late,” she explained. “But I’d been late before. It wasn’t until about a month after you’d left that I started getting sick in the morning and realized I might be pregnant. So I made an appointment with my doctor, and he confirmed it.”
“You shouldn’t have had to go through that alone,” he said, his expression as somber as his voice. “I’m sorry.”
“I wasn’t alone. I had Chloe. And my parents. They were wonderful about everything. They helped me.”
“But they shouldn’t have had to. It…you and P.J. were my responsibility,” he argued. “If only you’d contacted my unit, my CO would have gotten word to me.”
“I told you I thought about it, but in the end I decided against it. There was nothing you could have done.”
“I could have been here for you,” Mac insisted.
“How? You were God knows where doing your Navy SEAL thing, remember?”
“I would have gotten an emergency leave or something. I would have come back, been here for you,” he told her, pacing as he spoke. “You didn’t get pregnant by yourself. You were my responsibility, and I honor my responsibilities.”
“By doing what? Offering to marry me?”
He stopped cold at the question. His fist stilled in his hair. “Yes,” he told her, his eyes seeking hers.
But Rachel hadn’t missed the slight hesitation. And it nearly broke her heart. He looked so brave, so strong, and she didn’t doubt for a second that Mac meant it. He would have offered to marry her—for the baby’s sake. Which was the reason she hadn’t contacted him. She’d been so deeply in love with him at the time that she might have been tempted to accept his offer. And had she done so, it would have ruined both their lives. “It would never have worked, Mac.”
“You don’t know that.”
“Yes, I do. And so do you. You said yourself that being a SEAL is who and what you are, that there isn’t room in your life for anything or anyone else. A wife and baby would never have fit in with your plans, Mac. That’s why you told me that I should get on with my life and forget you. That’s what I’ve done. That’s what we’ve both done. We’ve moved on with our lives.”
“But that was before I knew about P.J.”
“P.J. is my responsibility,” she told him.
“He’s my son. That makes him my responsibility, too.”
Worry began to stir inside Rachel as she noted the determined expression on his face. She rubbed her arms against the chill that had nothing to do with the November temperature and everything to do with the very real threat of Mac coming back into her life. Even worse was the idea that he might insist on being a part of P.J.’s life. Then what would she do?
“P.J. is as much my responsibility as he is yours. I’m sorry you’ve had to shoulder that responsibility alone until now. But that’s all going to change. I intend to do my part by—”
“Stop it,” she said. Unable to sit still, she stood and walked to the end of the veranda.
“Rachel?”
She spun around, taken aback to find Mac so close. He’d always had that ability to move without making a sound. She moved past him, needing distance and a chance to marshal her thoughts.
“I’d think you’d be happy to have someone share the responsibility of P.J. with. It can’t have been easy, shouldering everything by yourself. Now that I know, I—”
“Stop it,” she cried out and spun around. “Don’t you understand? I’m letting you off the hook here. I’m telling you there’s no reason for you to feel guilty or responsible or anything else you might be feeling because our…our fling resulted in my getting pregnant. I may not have planned to have a baby, but I wanted him from the moment I found out he was growing inside me.”
She bit down on her bottom lip, swallowed past the lump forming in her throat before lifting her gaze to meet his again. “Go back to your SEAL team, Mac. Ask your CO to send you off on some mission a million miles from New Orleans and forget about me. Forget you ever met me, that you ever found out about P.J. We don’t need you. We’re doing just fine without you.”
“Well, hell, darling,” he said, his voice mocking.
“There’s no need to soft pedal your opinion of me. You just go right ahead and give it to me straight. I can take it.”
Rachel winced. Despite his glib comeback, she’d caught that flash of hurt in his eyes. And it made her feel lower than the belly of a snake. “I’m sorry. I’m not trying to be cruel. I’m simply trying to be honest with you. We both know that marriage and fatherhood were never in your plans. You made it clear to me two years ago that being a SEAL comes first for you, that there isn’t room for anyone or anything else in your life. All I’m trying to tell you is that I understand. So you don’t have to worry about me or about P.J. or that I’ll try to make any demands on you—financially or…or otherwise. I love P.J. And I can support him and provide him with everything he needs.”
“But that’s where you’re wrong, darling. And while I don’t doubt that you’re the best mother in the world, there is one thing that you can’t give him.”
Конец ознакомительного фрагмента.
Текст предоставлен ООО «ЛитРес».
Прочитайте
