scanned the divorce papers. “You call this fair?” she asked a moment later.
“What’s wrong with it?”
“You won’t have enough money left to feed Alf, much less yourself. How are you going to pay the rent, put gas in the car, if you give me every cent you make?”
“I want you to be taken care of.”
“But you don’t want to take care of me.” She regretted the bite in her tone, and took a deep breath. “I’ve let you take care of me most of my life, Matt. It’s time I took care of myself.”
She dropped the papers on the table in front of him.
Instead of picking them up, he stood. Reached out for her hands and held her fingers lightly in his. She trembled.
“Let me do this for you.” He laced his fingers with hers.
“No.” But she didn’t pull away. Under the scent of dust and honest sweat, she could smell the musky aftershave he favored. The aftershave she kept a bottle of on her dresser, just so she could open it now and then, and breathe him in, even though he wasn’t here. She gave in to the scent, and inhaled.
God, it had been so long.
“It’s the only thing I can do for you.”
“You want to help me?”
“Yes,” he said. But he’d hesitated, and she knew what he was thinking. He thought she was going to beg him for a baby again, the way she had before she’d left. But she wasn’t. She wouldn’t ever beg again.
“Then keep your money.” She pulled her hand away. “And lend me your strong back. I’m trying to open a business here, and look at this place. It’s a wreck.”
His gaze trailed over the peeling wallpaper. The outdated appliances. His green eyes turned suspicious. “What kind of business?”
“A day-care center.”
As expected, his eyes widened in horror before he shuttered out the reaction. Seeing his discomfort gave her a perverse pleasure. She didn’t really want to hurt him, but she would like to shake him up. To make him see what he was missing.
“For special kids,” she pushed on, watching for any further reaction from him. Hoping to see some spark of life, but finding no such sign. “Like Jeb.” Disappointed, she nodded toward the window, where Jeb sat outside, pushing a toy truck over a dirt pile.
“Blind kids?”
“Jeb’s visually impaired, not blind. He has some perception of shapes and movement. But yes, for blind kids and developmentally challenged kids. Kids with illnesses and kids from high-risk homes. Remember what a hard time we had finding someone to keep Brad, even for a few hours, while we met with the doctors?” She didn’t have to see the deepening of the creases at the corners of his mouth to know he remembered. “If it hadn’t been for your family, I don’t know what we would have done. I want to help parents that don’t have that kind of family support. All the little ones who need some extra TLC will be welcome here. For an hour, a day, a month. Whatever time they need.”
Matt stared out the window, but Caroline didn’t think he really saw. “That’s a lot to take on. Those kinds of problems.”
Caroline’s back stiffened. “They’re not problems. They’re children.” Despite the offense she’d taken, she found her insides softening at the thought of her little charges. She smiled. “I already have two other students besides Jeb. Maxine and Rosie. They’re twins. Fourteen months old.”
Matt winced, probably remembering Brad at that age, as she was, but she thought she saw something soften in his eyes, too.
“When school lets out in a couple of months,” she continued, wiping the memories away before they leaked out onto her cheeks, “I’ll have more kids here. But I’ve got to get this place fixed up and pass a state licensing inspection first. I’ve only got until the end of May.”
“And you want me to help you?”
“You’re good with your hands.” Heat suffused her stomach. He was very good with his hands, as she remembered. “And you like this kind of work. At least you used to.”
“If I help you fix this place up, you’ll sign the papers? As they’re written?”
“I’ll negotiate with you on the settlement. We’ll come up with something fair. That’s the best promise you’re going to get from me.”
Matt studied the warped linoleum at his feet. “It’ll take weeks. I—I’d have to have somewhere to stay.”
Caroline hadn’t thought of that. It wasn’t as though Sweet Gum had a Holiday Inn, and she certainly couldn’t have him stay here. Not until she broke the news to him. “You remember Cora and Ed Johnson? They rent out rooms sometimes. They need the income now that Mr. Johnson can’t work the fields the way he used to. And they know you. I’m sure they’d love to have you stay with them.”
“Work—”
“Unless your habits have changed, you’ve taken exactly one day of leave in the last six years—the day we buried Brad.”
Pain swam across his face, but he hid it quickly.
“I think the department owes you some time off.”
“Paige is getting married in a few weeks. I have to be there.”
“It’s only a two-and-a-half-hour drive. You can go back whenever you need to.”
Matt turned to the window, where a swallow landed on the birdfeeder hung outside. “She was disappointed you didn’t R.S.V.P.”
Caroline’s heart fluttered like the wings of the tiny bird Matt had been watching. She’d been close to Matt’s sister, Paige. They’d gone to school together in Sweet Gum before Matt’s family moved to Port Kingston. She’d love to go to Paige’s wedding, but she could hardly show up at the church with a baby in tow.
A baby no one in its daddy’s family—including its daddy—knew about.
A few weeks, that was all she was asking for after fifteen years of marriage. Time to judge Matt’s state of mind. To figure out how he would react when she told him the choice whether or not to have another child had been taken out of his hands.
God had made the decision for him fourteen months ago, the last time Matt made love to her.
“One month,” she said, swallowing a lump of apprehension and sidestepping the issue of Paige’s wedding. “You give me one month of hard labor. I’ll give you your divorce.”
Caroline unlatched the baby from her breast and smiled down into her daughter’s heart-shaped face. Hailey made milky guppy-lips, but Caroline recognized the sucking as more of a comfort motion than hunger. Hailey’s eyelids sagged over pale, green irises. Most babies’s eyes changed color as they grew, but Caroline suspected Hailey’s eyes would always look like a fresh spring meadow.
Just like her father’s.
The
