I also instructed Martin to draw up a will that includes my children. I want to make certain they’re taken care of should anything ever happen to me.”
Maddie’s blood stopped cold. Here she’d been thinking about Sam trying to obtain custodial rights, and he’d been thinking of the children’s well-being. “Oh, Sam,” she said. “You are a good man.”
“Not really.” His expression was a trifle sheepish. “I was just explaining to Martin the difference between a louse and a hero.”
“You’re not a louse.”
“Sometimes I am. You’re just seeing everything in a rosy light because you’ve just been through the miraculous process of birth. Amazing that little fellows like these can grow from…” He shook his head in silent, awed admiration as he stared over at his sons.
“I think I’m the louse,” Maddie said sadly. “I was thinking all kinds of bad thoughts about you when they told me you’d been on the phone yelling at Martin.”
“I yell at Martin when he aggravates the hell out of me, which he does frequently. He wants me to have the babies’ DNA matched to mine, in case there was a screwup in the Maitland blender.”
“Oh.” Maddie’s brows rose. “I would be very surprised if Maitland made a mistake such as that.”
“I told him it wouldn’t matter to me, anyway. You had those children, and you love them. They have my name on the birth certificate. If they’re not born from my cells, then it’s no different than if we’d adopted. Martin understands this now.”
“Oh, Sam.” Her eyes sparkled at him. “You have no louse potential at all.”
“I do,” he assured her. “I also told him I didn’t want any more withdrawals made from my account.”
Maddie lowered her head after staring into Sam’s eyes for a moment.
“Well, I wish you felt differently, of course. But I certainly understand.”
“You do?”
“Yes.” She nodded. “And when I’m ready to have more children, I’ll have Dr. Abby help me select another appropriate donor. Of course, I doubt there’s a man alive who could give me better children than you, but I certainly—”
“Maddie!” he bellowed. “You are not running a stud farm around here!”
“Sam—”
“This entire discussion infuriates me!” He glared at her. “Pardon me for having an adverse reaction to the idea of you blithely shopping for sperm!” He took a deep breath and glared at her again.
“Well, I’m not planning to try to become pregnant for quite a while, anyway. So there’s no need to be upset.”
“Until you leave one afternoon to go shopping. I won’t be thinking Neiman Marcus, I’m sure,” he grumbled.
She put a hand on his arm, and instinctively he reached to take that hand in his. When she realized he’d done it out of habit, reacting comfortably as he had hundreds of times before, she stiffened, then relaxed. It felt right to let Sam hold her hand. Their marriage had been close and loving. He was a good man, even if he had a slick lawyer. “I’m going to take a shower. Our mothers say I need to relax.”
“You definitely need to slow down. You keep me turning in circles.”
“I don’t mean to.”
“Don’t you?” He eyed her carefully. “Somehow I thought you were enjoying torturing me.”
“No.” She shook her head. “Not torturing. Although the occasional good-humored teasing does bring to your eyes a fire I remember well.”
He sank onto the bed, his shoulders slumped. “Just don’t let me find any lists lying around for a while, unless they’re for the grocery. Okay? And even then I’ll be doing the shopping for quite some time.”
“Safer that way?” she asked with a smile.
“I was thinking of your recovery, but yes, possibly it is safer if I know you’re tucked at home recuperating.”
He was still holding her hand in his, and warmth spread through Maddie. But she wanted to make certain he understood the whole situation. “Sam, you know I want more children, don’t you? I mean, if heaven smiles on me with more babies, I would consider it a dream come true.”
He looked up at her suddenly, his eyes full of the fire she loved. “Fine. Have four. Have ten. But just let me take a crack at getting you pregnant the old-fashioned way.”
Chapter Three
Sam had no idea why he offered. What was he saying? That he accepted that Maddie wouldn’t be his true wife, but a sexual relationship designed to create more children was fine with him? “I mean, if we were to have a real marriage, of course. I would be very vigilant with practicing.”
She tipped her head to look up at him. “Practicing?”
“Well, I couldn’t shoot out any arrows that hit the bull’s-eye before. Maybe I just needed more practice.”
“One thing I can never say about you, Sam, is that you were unskilled and out of practice.”
“I may be, after nine months.”
She smiled hesitantly, her face taking on a glow that spoke of happiness. “That almost sounds like a confession.”
“A confession of what?” He stared at her, confused. “Oh…you’re asking if I’ve been totally out of practice since our separation?”
She turned away. “It’s really none of my business. I read more into your remark than I should have.”
Yeah, but it had made her glow, and he liked that. Gently, he turned her to face him. “Yes, Maddie, it was a confession, even if I didn’t realize I was making one. There has been no other woman since you.”
She stared into his eyes, searching. Maybe she was trying to see his feelings. Surely she didn’t have to look so hard. He leaned forward to drop a soft kiss against her forehead.
“It shouldn’t make me so happy,” she said, her voice trembling as she leaned against his chest, her forehead resting at his throat. “It does, though. And that makes me so angry!”
“Why?” He held her away from him a little so he could see her face.
“I don’t want to love you anymore,” she said, sniffling. “I don’t want to sound mean, but it took my heart a long time to heal, Sam. Actually, it never has. It’s kind of hanging in my chest, a big, gaping wound that I don’t think will ever stop leaking sadness over our breakup. I just can’t go back there.”
“Back where?”
“To the hopes and dreams,” she said softly. “It was too hard when we couldn’t work things out. I learned the true meaning of heartbreak when I couldn’t
