knew that a lot of people would find what she had done totally unacceptable. She had already encountered disapproval, in fact, and from the least expected sources, yet the thought that Ben might feel the same filled her with dread.
She could deal with his shock, cope with his anger, but she couldn’t bear it if he was disgusted!
Anna opened her eyes and looked at herself in the mirror.
She simply couldn’t bear it.
‘I DIDN’T know if you took sugar.’
‘I don’t. Thank you.’ Anna sat down at the table and wrapped her hands around the cup Ben had placed in front of her. Her fingers felt numb with cold but even the heat from the coffee couldn’t seem to warm them.
Ben had had the coffee poured by the time she’d reached the kitchen. He had found the milk in one of the carrier bags and a jug to put it in, even emptied some sugar into a bowl. Now, as he sat down opposite her, she felt a little bubble of hysteria floating to the surface of her mind. Were they really going to sit here, politely drinking coffee, while they discussed what he had seen?
She pushed back her chair in a sudden fit of impatience. Striding to the window, she stared out at the rain for a moment then spun round to face him. She wasn’t sure exactly why she was so angry all of a sudden but there was no point in prolonging the agony.
‘I’m pregnant. You obviously gathered that from what you saw just now. The only thing I need to know now is if it is going to make any difference to me working here.’
Ben took a sip of coffee then put his cup down carefully on a table mat. ‘I assume that Adam doesn’t know?’
‘No. I deliberately didn’t tell him.’ She stared defiantly back at him, refusing to let him think that she was ashamed of what she had done.
‘I take it that you had a reason?’ he said levelly.
‘The best reason in the world—I desperately needed this job,’ she shot back, wondering why his calmness stung so much. She would almost have preferred him to speak angrily to her, to show any kind of emotion rather than that icy detachment.
‘I see. Would I be right to assume that the baby’s father is no longer on the scene?’
‘Yes.’ She gave a brittle laugh, feeling the pain welling up inside her. ‘He has made it abundantly clear that he doesn’t intend to be around when this child is born so you can safely count him out.’
‘There are ways of making a man support his child financially,’ he said flatly. He picked up his cup again and she was shocked to see that his hands were shaking. It made her realise that his apparent calmness was an act and that inside he didn’t feel at all calm about what had happened.
‘I know there are,’ she said more quietly, shocked by the discovery. ‘However, I have no intention of asking him for money. I’ll manage by myself.’
‘You say that now but what about after the baby is born? How are you going to manage then?’ He slammed his cup back on the mat, seemingly uncaring that coffee slopped onto the table. ‘Principles are all well and good, Anna, but they won’t feed you. They won’t put a roof over your head or pay the bills. This child didn’t ask to be born. The least you can do is make sure that he or she is properly taken care of!’
His anger rose on a great wave, startling her by its speed and ferocity, and she blinked. ‘Of course I shall! Look, Ben, my main concern is the baby’s welfare. I will do anything and everything in my power to make sure that it is well cared for.’
‘So why won’t you make the father share some of the responsibility?’ he bit out. ‘All right, so maybe you’ve had some sort of disagreement with him, but surely you can find a way round it? You must have felt something for the guy otherwise you wouldn’t be in this situation!’
‘It’s not that simple.’ Anna could feel the heat warming her cheeks and looked away. Ben’s reaction had shaken her because it seemed too…personal, if that was the right word. ‘It isn’t just a question of making him accept responsibility.’
‘Why not?’ he demanded harshly, then suddenly stopped. Anna felt a shiver race through her. She couldn’t recall having seen such contempt on anyone’s face before. She was still trying to work out what had caused him to look at her like that when he continued, and she felt sick when she heard the disdain in his voice.
‘He’s married, isn’t he? That’s why he doesn’t want anything to do with you and the child.’
She took a deep breath, forcing the nausea to subside to a level she could deal with. Ben wasn’t looking at her now. He was staring at his coffee and it was impossible to tell what he was thinking, which was a relief. It wasn’t nice to know that he thought her capable of having an affair with a married man!
‘No, he isn’t married,’ she replied hollowly. ‘His wife is dead. She died a month ago.’
He looked up, a frown drawing his brows into a straight line. ‘Around the same time as your sister died? Didn’t you tell me that it was a month ago that it happened?’
‘That’s right.’ Suddenly Anna knew that there was no point prevaricating any longer. She had to tell him the truth even though the thought of how he might react scared her.
She sat down again, wondering why it should matter what he thought. Ben’s opinion wasn’t going to change anything; it certainly wouldn’t make any difference to the situation. Nevertheless, she knew in her heart that she wanted him to understand and not think too badly of her.
‘Jo died a month ago, a month after I found out that I was pregnant. She was so pleased. I don’t think I have ever seen anyone who was so thrilled.’ She felt her eyes fill with tears and quickly blinked them away, knowing that she couldn’t afford to break down before she had told him the whole story. Ben didn’t say a word, leaving her to do all the talking, and in a way that made it easier. She would deal with his reaction later and simply concentrate on telling him the facts for now.
‘Jo always wanted a family, you see. She used to say that she’d been born into the wrong era because she wasn’t interested in having a career. All she ever longed for was a child to love and care for.’
‘Did she have problems conceiving because of her cancer?’ Ben asked quietly when she paused.
Anna nodded. ‘Yes. She couldn’t understand it at first. She and Mike decided to try for a baby as soon as they got married but it just didn’t happen. In the end, Jo went for tests and that was when they discovered that she had endometrial cancer.’ Her hands clenched around the cup as she recalled that painful time.
‘So what happened?’ he prompted, still in that same quiet tone that somehow seemed to make it easier to continue.
‘She was told that she would need a total hysterectomy, and have her Fallopian tubes and ovaries removed as well. At that point the doctors weren’t sure how far the cancer had spread but they were hopeful that they would be able to contain it.
‘Jo was
