felt a feather of suspicion dance up her spine. ‘I did happen to notice a “Sold” sign on it when I got home yesterday but I have no idea who the new owner is.’
‘That’d be cool, being neighbours with Mr Beck, don’t you think?’ Jane said.
Mikki tried to keep her face and her tone blank. ‘I can’t imagine why anyone would think that would be cool.’
Jane stopped swinging to look at her. ‘Don’t you like him, Mikki?’
Mikki gave an up-and-down lift of her shoulders. ‘He’s all right, I guess.’
‘He’s more than all right,’ Jane said. ‘My heart flutters every time I see him. I’d love him to ask me out. Maybe I’ll make the first move. I know some men don’t like that but what have I got to lose?’
‘I think you’d be wasting your time,’ Mikki said. ‘He’s already got a girlfriend.’
‘Has he?’
‘Yes, a dark-haired gorgeous woman who looks like she could be a model,’ Mikki said, feeling the pain all over again as she thought of that bone-crushing hug Lewis had given his date.
‘How do you know?’ Jane asked, looking at her with intrigue.
‘I saw them when I had dinner with my mother. They were dining in the same restaurant.’
‘Well, that’s a shame,’ Jane said, flopping back in her chair. ‘Why are all the good ones already taken?’
‘It’s life,’ Mikki said wearily, and reached to answer her ringing phone.
* * *
After Mikki spent a good hour in the gym she drove home to her little town house squeezed in between the exclusive mansions in a cul-de-sac in the beachside suburb of Tamarama. It was going to take a lifetime to pay off, but it was wonderful to be within walking distance of the ocean. The briny smell of the sea and the rolling waves cleared her head as nothing else could. She loved standing on her small balcony and watching for dolphins in amongst the die-hard surfers who were in the water no matter what the season.
In spite of living there for well over a year now, she hadn’t got to know any of her neighbours all that well. She stopped to chat to one or two of them now and again, but the hours she worked made socialising a little difficult and her free time was so precious she mostly spent it alone or at the gym. As for dating, well, that had been an area of her life that had never quite got off the ground after she’d returned from London. She’d had dinner a couple of times with a friend of a friend just recently but nothing had come of it. It was intensely annoying but every time she went out with another man she couldn’t help comparing him to Lewis. It was as if Lewis was her benchmark of what she felt to be the ideal man. Everyone else fell short, if not in height, then in looks and personality and intelligence.
It wasn’t that she still felt anything for him, well, nothing she was prepared to openly admit. In her most private moments she allowed herself to unlock that door in her heart where she stored that still weeping wound. Was love supposed to hurt for this long? Surely by now she should have forgotten about him and moved on.
When she had heard he was coming to Sydney to take up a position at St Benedict’s she had been furious. What right did he have to come waltzing back into her life, even if it was only professionally? That was how she had fallen for him in the first place. She had been a medical student on rotation in London, the same hospital where Lewis had been doing his registrar training. The irony was they hadn’t met at the hospital but in a pub frequented by homesick Aussies. She had come in out of the rain just as he had been going out. She had almost stabbed him in the stomach with her umbrella and he had stolen her heart with his ghost of a smile.
It had been a whirlwind romance, or at least for her. Mikki suspected Lewis had been used to a rapid turnover of bedmates. He was very experienced, but looking back she realised that had probably been in comparison to her inexperience.
She had been so terribly young and naive, so fresh faced and enthusiastic about life. She had fallen hard for Lewis, very hard. He had been her polar opposite. She had been bubbly and happy and he had been dark and brooding and serious. She had loved their differences. She’d loved making him smile. She’d taken it on as a mission to make him laugh out loud. She had never achieved it but she had made those lips of his curve upwards at her and his amazingly blue eyes dance a little.
Lewis had always seemed so controlled and in control. He hadn’t needed anyone. He’d had no one to need. His mother had died when he was young, and his father when he’d been a teenager, which had left him with no extended family to speak of. For someone who’d craved others’ approval so much, Mikki had found his air of untouchable aloofness devastatingly attractive. His lone-wolf status had intrigued her. She had been unable to imagine having no one in her life to lean on, but he had always shrugged off any notion of regret about being without a family.
Their first meeting had turned into a date, and then another. Within days of meeting they were sleeping together. She told him she loved him the third week they were together, a spontaneous gushing confession that to this day still embarrassed her. He had not said he loved her back, at least not then. He had just given one of his half-smiles and ruffled her hair, as one would do to a small, over-enthusiastic child. He made no promises but, then, why would he? He knew she was only in the UK for three months. Lewis made it clear he was staying in the UK and Europe for an indefinite period. He had no plans to return to Australia. What chance did they have of a permanent relationship when they were going in different directions?
That point was driven home to her almost daily as he barely acknowledged her at the hospital as he always seemed so determined to keep his private life separate from his professional one. At first Mikki admired his commitment to his career. The neurosurgical pathway was a demanding one. The long hours of difficult operations and arduous study left little time for play. She knew it and accepted it but still she secretly longed for more than he was prepared to give.
She was already neglecting her studies in those first few weeks of being blissfully in love but she felt it was worth it. Lewis was worth it. How he made her feel was worth any sacrifice. But then finding out she was pregnant turned her world upside down. All her career plans took a sudden nosedive. Lewis was shocked at her news but he was determined to do the right thing by her and the baby. He insisted on marrying her as soon as it could be arranged. Mikki had wanted more time to think about taking such a big step. She believed marriage was a lifetime commitment and she had always dreamed of doing it properly. She felt too young. She felt unprepared for all marriage and a baby would entail. Her reluctance to marry in a rush caused many a heated argument, some of which had gone on for days. There never seemed to be enough time to resolve anything. The phone was always ringing with another emergency or a patient needing urgent care. Lewis was a diligent and very capable registrar and the specialists trusted him to do the footwork for them, which he did without question and without complaint. He seemed to thrive on the challenges work threw at him. He relished the difficult cases, working on his skills alongside some of the best-known names in the field.
But Mikki felt Lewis had changed after finding out he was going to be a father. Their relationship changed. She could never put her finger on exactly how it was different, but the subtle change of mood increasingly made her feel as if he was only staying with her out of a sense of duty. Yes, he had said he loved her after she had told him about the baby. He had even said he had been going to say it days earlier but had wanted to find the right time. She wanted to believe him and did for a time. But then the doubts crept in, like shadows under a door. Those shadows lengthened as time went on, reminding
