East Coast breeders to think you’re stupid.”
“They won’t. I’m real smart.”
Before he could stop himself, Caleb exchanged a look of affection and exasperation with Ruth. She smiled as if to say Zeke was a handful, but worth the effort. The shared moment cut through him like a freshly honed blade, leaving him to bleed to death from the inside. He didn’t want to share anything with Ruth. Not now. Not ever. He should tell her to get the hell out of his house.
Yet he didn’t speak the words. And when his son finished his supper and carried the plate over to the sink, then announced he had to head out to the barn to help Tully with the saddle, Caleb didn’t stop him. The back door slammed again and he and Ruth were alone.
Silence stretched between them. He found himself staring at the way the lantern light gleamed on her dark hair. She kept her gaze on her plate, allowing him to study her smooth skin and the fullness of her mouth.
She looked older than she had the last time she’d been in this house. Mature. “It’s been nine years and you never married.”
He spoke the words he’d only meant to think. She glanced up. Color stained her honey-colored cheeks.
“I couldn’t. I’m a healer.”
“There’s nothing in the history of the Cheyenne that makes marriage forbidden.”
“I can’t explain it more than saying I believe deep in my soul that my duty is to be a healer. For me that means staying there—I can’t divide my heart by marrying. That’s why I couldn’t marry you.”
She’d said the same thing when he’d proposed. He hadn’t believed her back then, either. “I thought you were just afraid. Not that I blamed you. After what happened.”
Something dark and ugly flared in her eyes. She ducked her head. “It wasn’t that.”
“But you were afraid. If not of me, then of my world.”
She shrugged. “Your world is not a place I feel comfortable. I prefer living with my people.”
“You’re only half Cheyenne.”
She looked at him. “I have embraced their ways and their traditions. In all that matters, I am only Cheyenne. You never saw that because you wanted me to be like you.”
“No. I simply wanted you.”
He hated the remembering. He knew exactly how she kissed. So tentative at first, then with a growing passion. He knew the feel of her lips on his, the taste of her, the small sounds she made when passion threatened to overwhelm her.
She sat across from him—where his wife had sat, and his mother before her. He had imagined Ruth in that chair so many times. Now that she was here, it was too late. He was old enough to know there were no second chances, and dreams about them were only for fools.
* * *
RUTH PUT the last of the dishes away in the cupboard. She could hear voices coming from Caleb’s study. The sound of his low voice followed by his son’s laughter. Their obvious love and affection made her feel out of place in the ranch house. She had no place here; Caleb had made it clear he didn’t want her help or her company. So why was she staying? Shouldn’t she simply leave in the morning? The new housekeeper would arrive soon. If Caleb and Zeke had survived this long on their own, what was a few more days?
She closed the cupboard door, then made her way to the kitchen table. She sat down and wrapped her hands around a mug of fresh coffee. Why was she surprised that Caleb wasn’t happy to see her? Had she secretly expected him to welcome her with open arms?
She searched her heart looking for truth and found only confusion. Perhaps she had been hoping he would be happy to see her. Now that he wasn’t, she didn’t know what to do. He was a different man than the one she remembered. There was an air of sadness about him. Was that because of the loss of his wife? Marie had only been gone a few months. If theirs had been a love match…
She sipped her coffee and tried not to think about the fact that Caleb had married and fathered a child within a few months of his proposing to her. At the time she’d wondered if he’d ever cared about her at all, or had simply decided it was time to marry and start a family. Maybe he’d never loved her. She hated thinking that could be true, but she had to consider the proof in front of her. Zeke was a charming child who was impossible to ignore. Maybe—
“I’ll show you to your room.”
She glanced up and saw Caleb standing in the doorway. “Where’s Zeke?”
“I put him to bed. He always complains that he’s not tired, but then he’s snoring before I get the door closed.” Pride filled his blue-gray eyes and a smile tugged at the corners of his mouth.
“He’s a fine boy,” Ruth told him. “He spoke very highly of you.”
Caleb crossed his arms over his chest. “Even when he was running away?”
“You have to know that was about his unwillingness to go to school.”
He nodded. “I guess every boy would rather be out riding horses than in a schoolroom learning lessons. I don’t doubt I complained when I had to attend.”
“And your son is very much like you.”
“I hope so.”
His statement surprised her, but before she could question him or figure out what he’d meant, he repeated what he’d said before.
“I’ll show you to your room.”
She rose and walked toward him. When they were close enough for her to feel the heat of him, she drew in a deep breath.
“It was a mistake for me to come,” she told him. “I see that now. John’s suggestion that I repay my debt to your family by offering help surprised me so much that I didn’t consider what it might mean. I know you want me to leave, and I will do so in the morning.”
He gazed down at her. He was strong and powerful. Perhaps she should have been afraid, but she couldn’t be. Not of Caleb. He’d always been so kind to her. Gentle. Understanding. She wondered if time had destroyed that part of him.
His gaze darkened, and for the first time she saw the wounds within him. Deep, unrelenting pain filled his being and she nearly cried out as she felt its coldness touch the edge of her soul. Mortal wounds, she thought, shivering slightly. What was their cause? The death of his wife?
“Stay or not,” he said, turning away. “It doesn’t matter to me.”
Without thinking, she touched his shoulder to stop him. “How can you say that? You’re obviously uncomfortable having me around.”
He spun back to face her, breaking the physical contact between them. “Can you blame me? Nine years ago, I asked you to marry me. Not only did you refuse me with a ridiculous story about staying pure for your healing, you left that same day. As if you couldn’t stand the sight of me. In all this time you’ve never once come to the ranch or spoken with me. When I’ve had business with your brother, you’ve always managed to be gone. So what the hell are you doing here now?”
