these 10th Mountain guys left and right.’
‘So Emil Barger was hired by developers?’
‘Not so much hired – he had family money, so he was right up there with the best of them. He was a developer himself. And, I guess, his own technical advisor. He made some clever choices.’
Ren thought of Salem Swade and how, twenty years later, the mountains welcomed him back from his war. ‘I guess it worked out well for Emil Barger,’ she said.
‘And The Cheapshot Inn was one of the ways he said thank you …’
‘Ah,’ said Ren.
‘For most of the year, he got one of the trainee managers from the resorts to take care of it. Then his son, Charlie, took over every time he was back from medical school on vacation.’
‘Right.’
‘Why the interest in all this?’ said the manager.
I get sidetracked. ‘I just like the town,’ said Ren. She smiled. ‘This place is great. You’ve done a really good job.’
‘Thank you. Call back again if there’s anything else you need.’
* * *
Ren checked her watch and decided enough time had passed that she could call Helen without waking her up.
‘Helen? Hi. It’s Ren.’
‘Hi. I’m just with someone right now. Can I call you back in two minutes?’
‘Like, two minutes or five or ten?’ said Ren.
‘Two.’
‘OK.’
‘Are you OK? You sound –’
‘No, no. I’m fine,’ said Ren. ‘I don’t want to bother you.’
‘You’re not. I’ll speak to you in a little while.’
Ren breathed out. She looked around the quiet streets of Breckenridge and helped herself to calm down. She stayed, suspended in a silent, baseless panic, until the phone rang.
‘How are you doing?’ said Helen.
‘I’m good, I’m good,’ said Ren. ‘Well, I’m kind of freaked out. Which is, I guess, why I called.’ Her laugh was nervous.
‘Why are you freaked out?’
‘Well, I just had this thought,’ said Ren. ‘You know the way I’ve been spending time with Billy? In the bar…’
‘Yes.’
Ren’s pause stretched for half a minute, time that Helen still didn’t break into.
‘I know this sounds stupid, OK?’ said Ren eventually. ‘But I’m like, oh my God, what if they’ve bugged the bar? What if Billy and I are sitting there or, you know … and they’re listening in to everything?’ Her voice sped up, the sentences rushing out of her, riding a wave of panic. ‘I’m screwed. My career’s ruined. My life is over. I love my job I –’
‘Ren, whoa, whoa. Think about all this logically. What would Billy be under suspicion for?’
‘Anything! The murder, drugs, UFAP …’
‘What is you-fap?’
‘Unlawful Flight to Avoid Prosecution.’
‘And is Billy on the lam?’
‘Well, no …’
‘And who is the “they” you’re referring to when you say “they’re listening in”?’
Ren shrugged, then said, ‘I don’t know. Other agents. Another agency. Maybe one of his former suppliers. Gangs like that, they won’t let things go. Those feuds are lifelong. I mean, feud is not even the word. You’d need a new word for what that is. It’s a violent –’
‘Ren, Ren, slow down, OK? You would know if the bar was being wire-tapped by law enforcement, right? Realistically.’
‘Well, yes,’ said Ren after another long pause.
‘And can we agree it’s unlikely any gangs are bugging the bar? Aren’t they the type to just show up and blast him away?’
Ren let out a reluctant laugh. ‘Yes. I guess so.’
‘So why are you working yourself up?’ said Helen.
‘It’s just … I guess I’m freaked out. I love my job. There’s nothing else I can do. I don’t want to screw up. I’m worried I already have. I –’
‘Ren, has the case suffered yet because of you?’
‘No.’
‘Are you going through the tasks you have been given and that you have created using your experience and your observations?’
Ren paused. ‘Yes.’
‘OK, so why don’t you take a little break from beating yourself up? Why not say, “Well done, Ren. Good job.”’
‘Because, ugh …’
‘Because it’s easier for you to beat yourself up. And it’s harder to give yourself a compliment. Try it once in a while.’
‘I can’t.’
‘Well at least let me try it. Let me say, “good job” to you.’
‘Thanks.’
‘But Billy …’
‘I know. I know.’
‘I’m serious. You know what you need to do.’
Ren sighed. ‘Knowing what I need to do and what I want to do and what I’m capable of doing? Well, they’re such different things, aren’t they?’
Ren arrived, drained, at the Sheriff’s Office. She didn’t want to think any more about how she may have compromised the investigation. She just didn’t want to think about the investigation. She knew Billy Waites would jump out at her from every page. Her fear would tie him into every part of Jean’s life and implicate him in every part of her death. And now the case she was so desperate to solve could become the one case she would never solve because of her own actions.
Her cellphone rang.
‘Hey, Ren. How are you?’
‘Oh, hi, Vincent,’ said Ren. ‘How are you?’
‘Fine.
