style="font-size:15px;"> ‘What?’
‘You are the closest to a man of any woman I’ve ever known. You’ve been thinking with your dick.’
‘Or about yours.’ She half-smiled.
‘Sweetheart? You’ve been thinking about more than just my dick, and that’s what has you so freaked out.’
Her smile faltered. ‘I don’t know if –’
‘OK, hands up in the audience who hasn’t understood that Ren Bryce doesn’t know?’ He threw his arms up in the air. ‘How can someone so smart be so out of touch with how she feels? Seriously?’
‘But where did you come from?’ said Ren. ‘You look like a … with your tattoos and … well … then you have this …’
Billy laughed out loud. ‘Let me help you out – I look like America’s Most Wanted.’ He smiled sadly. ‘And what my most wanted is … is …’ He looked away.
Ren’s stomach tightened. ‘Aw, Billy. Jesus…’ She frowned. ‘I don’t deserve this. How can you still be so nice to me?’
‘Because I’m hoping that at some point you will know. That you’ll figure it all out. And that I’ll have a shot.’
‘But I can’t even promise –’
He reached across the table. ‘I know. And … look, I’ll be here …’ He smiled sadly. ‘That’s what Billy does. Billy waits.’
Ren knew that the best part of her day would be the snowy drive through Glenwood Canyon, one of the most beautiful stretches of highway she had ever traveled. She listened to classical scores from movie soundtracks and the snow fell lightly. When she arrived at Glenwood, Tiny Gressett was there not to welcome her.
‘Didn’t think it was today you were coming.’ He glanced at the desk calendar beside him.
Sure. ‘Wow. And that’s not even today’s date,’ said Ren, smiling.
‘No. You’re right there,’ said Gressett. He stared at her and she could see a late-breaking realization. ‘That was probably last touched by Jean Transom. There it is. January 12th – the day she left on vacation.’
Ren’s smile faded. ‘Well, that’s very sad.’
‘Yes, it is,’ said Gressett. ‘So, first of all, welcome.’
Gressett turned away and gestured around the room. ‘I know you’ve been here before, but the bathroom’s across the hall. Jean’s desk … which will be your desk … is right here, so you’ll be the first person people see when they come in.’
‘Let’s hope that doesn’t affect business,’ said Ren, picking up on the look that told her he wasn’t quite sure of the wisdom of the placement.
‘I’m here,’ he said, pointing to a desk almost behind hers, at a right angle and nicely out of sight of any visitors. ‘Todd’s there. Gun room is there. Coffee machine’s there. Bureau computer there. Secret computer there.’ He smiled. ‘Office supplies – on the shelves right beside you.’
‘What are the Crayola for?’
‘Kids.’
‘You get a lot of them roaming around?’
‘Only if they’re in on a tour from school, or if they’re –’
‘Witnesses … and need to draw the suspect. Yup, he had real skinny arms and legs and a big round head. Circles for eyes … No, no other features …’
Gressett smiled, but she wasn’t sure if he got the joke. Ren suspected they would share lots of strange smiles in the future.
‘Let me take you to lunch, your first day,’ said Gressett.
Very kind. ‘Thank you,’ said Ren. ‘That would be great. I will have to go back to Breck this afternoon to pick up some things.’
‘That’s OK,’ said Gressett. ‘Right – Juicy Lucy’s – the best in Glenwood.’
Ren had eaten there before. At least she agreed with him on food. She overlooked a lot for food.
Three hours later, she was slumped in a chair opposite Bob Gage. He was sitting at the edge of his desk in a boxy gray suit.
‘Hello, our little heroine … defector,’ said Bob. ‘Glenwood – what the hell?’
‘That tie – what the hell?’ said Ren.
‘Someone told me it was cool. I can’t remember …’
‘Maybe because the conversation happened in 1984.’
‘Possibly.’
Ren let out a breath. ‘I don’t want to go,’ she said.
‘You will come back to us for a drink or two,’ said Mike.
‘You bet,’ said Ren. ‘But I’m being yanked out of the middle of something.’
‘You are.’
‘I know. But it’s wrong,’ said Ren.
‘Why do you think it happened?’
Oh, I wish I didn’t have to lie. ‘I have no idea. Resources …’
‘The Feds? Can’t spare one little agent?’
‘Hey, I’m indispensable.’
‘Glenwood has ground to a standstill?’
‘Maybe.’
Ren laughed, hugged them both and left.
The Firelight Inn was quiet, the dining table cleared and re-set for the following day’s breakfast. The only person Ren could see was one man sitting on the sofa checking his email. He didn’t look up. Ren went to her room and packed everything. Her chest was tight with the familiar sensation of blocked emotion. She remembered someone once telling her, ‘Your body knows how to breathe; don’t try to control it.’ Maybe there was a reason Ren wanted less oxygen going to her brain. Maybe she just wanted it to stop, she just wanted everything to shut down.
She left a check on her bed, left the keys in her bedroom door and said goodbye to the Firelight Inn. It was a beautiful blue and golden day. Seeing everyone on the street made her want to turn right around and stay forever. There were no rules on where she could live. She could commute to Glenwood, she could commute to Denver. But she owed it to Gary Dettling to make the effort in her new position. He was watching her back, he always had, he knew things no one else did and, in his caring intimidation, he reined her in.
She
