can be an excellent way to forget the problems of his day as well as bring a lot of fulfillment to his partner. But on days when he is really stressed he may need to be in his cave and slowly come out by some other distraction, like the news or a competitive sport.
What the Venusians Learned
The Venusians also found peace of mind when they finally understood that a Martian going into his cave was not a sign that he didn’t love her as much. They learned to be more accepting of him at these times because he was experiencing a lot of stress.
The Venusians were not offended when Martians were easily distracted. When a Venusian talked and a Martian became distracted, she would very politely stop talking, stand there, and wait for him to notice. Then she would begin talking again. She understood that sometimes it was hard for him to give his full attention. The Venusians discovered that by asking for the Martians’ attention in a relaxed and accepting manner the Martians were happy to redirect their attention.
When the Martians were completely preoccupied and in their caves, the Venusians also did not take it personally. They learned that this was not the time to have intimate conversations but a time to talk about problems with their friends or have fun and go shopping. When the Martians thereby felt loved and accepted, the Venusians discovered that the Martians would more quickly come out of their caves.
How to Motivate the Opposite Sex
Centuries before the Martians and Venusians got together they had been quite happy living in their separate worlds. Then one day everything changed. The Martians and Venusians on their respective planets suddenly became depressed. It was this depression, however, that motivated them eventually to come together.
Understanding the secrets of their transformation helps us today to recognize how men and women are motivated in different ways. With this new awareness you will be better equipped to support your partner as well as get the support you need at difficult and stressful times. Let’s go back in time and pretend to witness what happened.
When the Martians became depressed, everyone on the planet left the cities and went to their caves for a long time. They were stuck and couldn’t come out, until one day when a Martian happened to glimpse the beautiful Venusians through his telescope. As he quickly shared his telescope, the sight of these beautiful beings inspired the Martians, and their depression miraculously lifted. Suddenly they felt needed. They came out of their caves and began building a fleet of spaceships to fly to Venus.
When the Venusians became depressed, to feel better they formed circles and began talking with one another about their problems. But this didn’t seem to relieve the depression. They stayed depressed for a long time until through their intuition they experienced a vision. Strong and wondrous beings (the Martians) would be coming across the universe to love, serve, and support them. Suddenly they felt cherished. As they shared their vision their depression lifted, and they happily began preparing for the arrival of the Martians.
Men are motivated and empowered when they feel needed…. Women are motivated and empowered when they feel cherished.
These secrets of motivation are still applicable. Men are motivated and empowered when they feel needed. When a man does not feel needed in a relationship, he gradually becomes passive and less energized; with each passing day he has less to give the relationship. On the other hand, when he feels trusted to do his best to fulfill her needs and appreciated for his efforts, he is empowered and has more to give.
Like the Venusians, women are motivated and empowered when they feel cherished. When a woman does not feel cherished in a relationship she gradually becomes compulsively responsible and exhausted from giving too much. On the other hand when she feels cared for and respected, she is fulfilled and has more to give as well.
WHEN A MAN LOVES A WOMAN
A man falling in love with a woman is similar to what took place when the first Martian discovered the Venusians. Stuck in his cave and unable to find the source of his depression, he was searching the sky with his telescope. As if he had been struck by lightning, in one glorious moment his life was permanently changed. He had glimpsed through his telescope a vision he described as awesome beauty and grace.
He had discovered the Venusians. His body lit on fire. As he watched the Venusians, for the first time in his life he began to care about someone other than himself. From just one glimpse his life had new meaning. His depression lifted.
Martians have a win/lose philosophy—I want to win, and I don’t care if you lose. As long as each Martian took care of himself this formula worked fine. It worked for centuries, but now it needed to be changed. Giving primarily to themselves was no longer as satisfying. Being in love, they wanted the Venusians to win as much as themselves.
In most sports today we can see an extension of this Martian competitive code. For example, in tennis I not only want to win but also try to make my friend lose by making it difficult for him to return my shots. I enjoy winning even though my friend loses.
Most of these Martian attitudes have a place in life, but this win/lose attitude becomes harmful in our adult relationships. If I seek to fulfill my own needs at the expense of my partner, we are sure to experience unhappiness, resentment, and conflict. The secret of forming a successful relationship is for both partners to win.
Differences Attract
After the first Martian fell in love, he began manufacturing telescopes for all his brother Martians. Very quickly they all came out of their depressions. They too began to feel love for the Venusians. They started to care about the Venusians as much as themselves.
The strange and beautiful Venusians were a mysterious attraction to the Martians. Their differences especially attracted the Martians. Where the Martians were hard, the Venusians were soft. Where the Martians were angular, the Venusians were round. Where the Martians were cool, the Venusians were warm. In a magical and perfect way their differences seemed to complement each other.
In an unspoken language the Venusians communicated loud and clear: “We need you. Your power and strength can bring us great fulfillment, filling a void deep within our being. Together we could live in great happiness.” This invitation motivated and empowered the Martians.
Many women instinctively understand how to give this message. In the beginning of a relationship, a woman gives a man a brief look that says you could be the one to make me happy. In this subtle way she actually initiates their relationship. This look encourages him to come closer. It empowers him to overcome his fears of having a relationship. Unfortunately, once they are in a relationship and as the problems begin to emerge, she doesn’t know how important that message still is to him and neglects to send it.
The Martians were very motivated by the possibility of making a difference on Venus. The Martian race was moving to a new level of evolution. They were no longer satisfied by just proving themselves and developing
