‘It’s your fault.’
‘It’s true,’ Abi agreed. ‘You should have introduced him to me first so I could bone him then never speak to him again. I’m much better at alienating the opposite sex than Cass.’
‘You just haven’t met the right man,’ Cass said, making me splutter into my wine glass. Having a baby had made her brave. ‘You work too hard and you don’t give relationships a chance.’
‘You’re so right,’ Abi framed her face with her hands and blinked her big, anime eyes. ‘Teach me everything you know, oh wise married one, help me be like you.’
‘I’m going home,’ Cass said, ignoring our loud, squawking pleas for her to stay. ‘I know, it’s early but I’m knackered and I want to put Gus to bed. You should think yourself lucky I’m here at all. If my grandmother had her way, I’d still be housebound. She thinks I bring evil spirits back into the house every time I go outside.’
‘That’s not a very nice way to describe me and Liv,’ Abi said, shaking her head.
‘Isn’t your nan from Reading?’ I asked, slapping Abi’s leg.
‘She’s being ridiculous,’ Cass nodded, opening a text and smiling to herself before showing the two of us. It was a photo of Gus and Chris in the bath and the bubbles weren’t covering nearly as much as I would like. ‘Mum said she wasn’t like this at all when I was born but she’s gone crazy with all the old Chinese traditions this time. She doesn’t even like Chris holding him. Apparently, I wasn’t supposed to get out of bed for the first month at all.’
‘Can I stay in bed for a month if I have a baby with a Chinese father?’ Abi suddenly perked up while I made the expected cooing noises. Gus was a cute baby, if you were into babies. ‘Do you have any single cousins? Uncles? Would your mum lend me your dad for an hour or so?’
Ignoring Abi, Cass gave me a hug before shuffling out of the booth.
‘Don’t get too upset about this, Livvy, it’s going to be fine,’ she promised. ‘Let Adam have his mad half hour and I bet you anything, you’ll be back together with a ring on your finger before the end of the year.’
‘Maybe,’ I said, scratching at an indeterminate green stain on the hem of my shirt. Hmm. Gross. ‘But do me a favour? Please don’t go home and tell Chris everything we just talked about? It’s not like I don’t appreciate you trying to help but I don’t want him reporting back to Adam.’
‘I won’t say a word,’ she said, a look of surprise on her face. ‘You know I wouldn’t.’
‘Because you’ve done such a good job of keeping secrets so far?’ Abi pointed out. ‘You’re the one who told Liv about the ring, you’re the one who told her he was going to propose in Mexico, and all you’ve done tonight is spill what Adam has told Chris about this situation.’
‘Sisters before misters.’ Cass brushed off the indisputable accusations and rolled her eyes. ‘I tell you what he says but I don’t tell him what you say. Promise you won’t sit here all night and get upset.’
‘Brownie guide promise,’ I said, holding up three fingers.
‘Wrong hand,’ Abi whispered.
‘Whatever,’ I muttered, burying my face in my wine glass. ‘Bye, Cass.’
‘Bye Cass,’ Abi said, stretching out for her own hug. ‘Say hello to Chris for me.’
No matter how much they bickered, they loved each other really.
‘I honestly don’t know what to believe,’ I said as the door swung shut on Cass and Abi poured the remnants of her wine into my glass. ‘Chris is such an arse to Adam most of the time. Why would he pour his heart out to him?’
‘Because he’s his brother,’ Abi replied. ‘You’re an only child, chick, you don’t get it. You hate each other one day, you’re giving them a kidney the next.’
‘You gave your brother a kidney?’
‘Clearly not,’ she said, patting me on the top of the head. ‘I was making a point. I just mean, that’s how it is with siblings.’
‘Yeah, maybe,’ I poked my finger through a tiny hole in the velvet seat covering. This place really was starting to look tired. ‘Chris is always such a bully, always making fun of Adam for leaving law school then going on about how well his own company is doing.’
‘Probably just insecure,’ Abi rationalized. ‘Does Adam have a bigger dong?’
‘I really haven’t thought about it.’ I washed away the very thought of Chris’s penis with a mouthful of wine. ‘Adam’s taller, he’s definitely better looking and he’s a hundred per cent cleverer. I don’t know what Cass was thinking, I really don’t.’
‘She was thinking she’d marry a rich dude and get her parents off her back,’ she replied. ‘Let’s be honest about it, all Cass ever wanted was to get married, have a kid and not worry about anything else, ever again. Now she’s got that, so good for her.’
I pushed my finger all the way inside the seat until the tiny hole wasn’t so tiny any more.
‘Bit harsh,’ I said. Abi’s expression suggested she stood by her assessment. ‘Cass is more old-fashioned than we are. She does love him, I think. And he definitely loves her.’
Abi picked up the second bottle of wine and refilled her glass. Abi had an iron constitution, nothing could put her down, but I was a complete lightweight. One very full glass in and I was already light-headed. I held my hand over my glass before she could give me a refill.
‘I can’t,’ I said sadly. There was nothing I would have liked more than to fall into a white wine coma as soon as I got home. ‘Tomorrow is spay and neuter day, probably shouldn’t have a hangover because I’m going to end up doing all the surgeries. Dad’s been really off it lately.’
‘Is he OK?’ Abi asked. ‘I can’t believe he’s going to be sixty-five, it doesn’t seem like two minutes since his fiftieth birthday.’
‘I think he’s OK,’ I nodded, without wondering whether or not it was true. I had too much else on my mind to spare any space for my dad’s commitment to the surgery, or lack thereof. ‘He hasn’t been around much but that suits me. I deal with the patients and he deals with the paperwork. I’d rather not see him while I’m upset, though. You know how my parents are.’
‘There has to be a happy medium between your family’s stiff upper lip and Cassie’s self-help library,’ she replied. ‘You know, like me!’
‘I don’t know how the human race has survived this long,’ I said, clinking my glass against hers. ‘Relationships are so difficult. It’s a miracle that both mine and Adam’s parents are still together. You’d think that would be enough for him to seal the deal – who has two sets of parents who are still together in one relationship these days?’
‘Did I tell you my dad’s on about going off travelling again? Without Karen?’ she asked with a pinched expression.
‘Is this divorce number three?’
‘Four.’
