‘Alex, you don’t look well. Perhaps I should take you home?’
‘Yes, perhaps that is a good idea.’ I glare at him furiously for what he just did to me, but for once, I completely agree with him. Another stint like that in public would completely send me over the edge and I’m horrified to find myself in desperate need of his promised orgasm. ‘Let’s go. Now!’ He senses the urgency in my voice and efficiently gathers our belongings. We quickly say our goodbyes and promptly depart.
At home, he carefully, considerately, tenderly and lovingly deflowers my arsehole. It doesn’t hurt as much as I thought it would. In fact, the more I relax, the more open I am, and that gives Jeremy room to move within me. It feels tighter, strangely more intimate than vaginal sex, as though he is claiming me, owning me completely. The sensations are totally different, more focused on my lower back and my thighs, while my clit and front passage are being teased and caressed to throbbing intensity by Jeremy’s expert fingers. What more can I say? Except that something I feared so much needn’t have caused me any anxiety whatsoever. Jeremy assures me such success can be attributed to the appropriate preparation and planning. As we lie naked in bed together, we are in awe of our bodies and the experience we have just shared together. Absolutely mind blowing. Maybe I shouldn’t have fought him for so long on this issue … Oh well, either way, it was worth the wait.
‘Guess what? I have decided what I’m doing my honours thesis on,’ I state proudly as we caress each other with languid strokes.
‘Finally! Do share.’
‘I’m basing it on the writings of Sabina Spielrein, specifically examining the connection between masochism and the ego in relation to the female form.’
‘Wow, AB. Pretty heavy topics. Has it been approved?’
‘Yes, just this morning. I’m really excited.’
‘Any reason you decided on that in particular?’
Jeremy looks directly into my eyes, eagerly anticipating my answer.
Suddenly embarrassed by the look in his eyes and the tone of his question, I attempt to dismiss him by rolling on to my stomach and burying my head in the pillow.
‘Alexa? You’re not trying to hide from me, are you?’ He gently tries to pry me back over. ‘Oh Alex, there is absolutely no way I am going to let you get away with this.’
Shit, what have I started here? Why on earth didn’t I just answer him academically like I did with Professor Webster this morning?
He finally flips my body so I’m face up. He straddles my belly and starts to tickle me mercilessly and I, of course, shriek in response. ‘No, stop, please, I hate it,’ I gasp out between attacks.
‘No way, not until you promise to share.’ I’m trapped beneath him as his tortuous fingers continue their assault.
‘Okay, okay, I can’t stand it, please stop.’
He waits patiently for me to compose my breathing, anchoring my hands either side of my head so he has full view of my face. I decide to make it as fast and brief as possible.
‘I’ve always had this fantasy of being completely restrained and blind and flogged and pleasured and I want to understand the root cause because I’m deeply embarrassed by it. There, end of discussion.’
He looks quizzically at me, a smirk on his face but his eyes wide. I silently beg him to leave it be.
‘Interesting.’ He stares at me thoughtfully, the silence expanding between us.
‘Did you enjoy tonight, Alex?’
‘Yes.’
‘A lot?’
‘Very much.’
‘Did you expect to?’
‘No, not really.’
‘I am more than happy to be directly involved in researching any part of your thesis.’
‘Thank you. I’ll bear that in mind.’
‘Thank you for sharing.’
And I can’t believe I’m off the hook.
‘Anyway, I’m thrilled that you are finally on your path of self-discovery. It means my plan is working exactly as I anticipated.’
‘Oh dear, there is nothing more ominous than you with a plan, Jeremy.’
‘Don’t sound so cynical, sweetheart. Look how far you have come already and we still have so far to go.’ He is just teasing me, I’m sure, although his reply is a little too enthusiastic to instil a large degree of confidence in my assumption. ‘Just out of interest, did you ever end up exploring the psychology of your hypotheses first-hand, like we discussed?’
‘No, Jeremy, I didn’t and besides, you would have known about it if I had.’
‘Oh, why is that?’
‘Do you really need to ask me that? As if I would do anything like that with anyone other than you.’
‘I can’t tell you how much that pleases me, Alexa, in so many ways.’ I’m not one hundred per cent sure what his comment implies but I am one hundred per cent sure I want to move away from this conversation, quickly.
‘Okay, far be it from me to put a dampener on this journey you have so carefully planned for me.’ I finish my coffee and place the empty container on the table.
***
I really need to use the bathroom after my coffee. This is going to be awkward. I can’t believe I have to ask him; it is so embarrassing. It is at these times that being dependent is just plain awful. But what choice do I have?
‘No problem, just in here.’ He guides me through a door. His hand threads through my legs and pulls a zipper down around my bottom, between my legs and up toward my belly. I can’t honestly believe he has just done that.
‘The toilet is right behind you. Oh, and don’t worry about your knickers. They’re French, for easy access.’ I can hear the smile in his voice.
‘I’ll leave you to it and wait outside.’
Is there one minutia of detail he hasn’t considered this weekend? Anything left unaccounted for? Probably not, he has always been a meticulous planner and obviously those skills have only been more finely tuned over the years. Zips and French knickers. Good grief! I wonder whether they are for convenience such as this, or did he have something else in mind? The thought shudders through me as I make myself focus on the task at hand.
‘Right,
