as we pass a boot shop.
‘Gosh, you’re so interesting. Do go on,’ says Robert.
I convince him to buy a second-hand tweed blazer with patches on the elbows.
‘I look like a prat,’ he murmurs under his breath, as he tries to see himself in the cracked mirror hanging on the back of the stall.
‘It’s ace,’ I say firmly, with all the confidence of someone who discovered how to speak style about eight days ago. ‘It works. Buy it.’
We start walking back up Portobello Road towards Notting Hill Gate. Robert’s fielding text messages, as usual. I’ve only had one from Plum saying ‘I’m taking a vote. Dress vs sexy jeans?’ I replied ‘Dress. Obv.’ I do speak style! Even Plum trusts me.
I smile to myself. I just remembered something about Adam: when we had that drink last Friday, he leaned in and said, ‘I don’t normally do that sort of thing . . . I just felt like I had to talk to you. I couldn’t approach your table or just send over my number. That would be weird.’
‘Yeah, that would be weird,’ I agreed. ‘Whereas, the check-abox note is totally normal. Predictable, even.’
See? Me! Acting cool! And I like him. Have I mentioned that?
The best thing about dating Adam The Tick Boxer is that it distracts me from work. The past week has been pretty ghastly: I’ve diligently obeyed the face time rule (part of the culture in my office – i.e., when your boss is in, you’re at your desk, sending emails and visibly being a hard worker. Obviously it’s bullshit as half the floor goes to the gym at 6.30 pm and comes back at 8 pm to write a few emails, eat dinner on the company and then get a taxi home on the company account, but never mind). I suggested three more reports (the luxury booze market! The luxury car market! The effect of sales on luxury stocks!) and generally, have been a good little associate. I really am trying.
Charlotte and I have met up for coffee almost every day. She’s actually very funny, underneath the timid exterior. She spent the weekend moving out of the flat she shared with Phil and in with her brother, and seems impossibly cheerful about the whole thing. She said yesterday that every time she starts feeling sad, she just remembers all the things that she doesn’t like about him, and feels sure that breaking up was the best possible thing that could have happened to her. Isn’t that incredible?
Still, every day this week I’ve been looking forward to the second I can leave work. I’m ignoring the fact that I shouldn’t think this way about my job, particularly not when I have a reasonably serious one that ought to take up more of my attention. I guess if I was ambitious, it would. But – and this is a newsflash, since I’ve worked 12-hours a day, every day, since the day I started – I’m starting to think that I’m not ambitious – at least, not for anything that’s on offer for me here. Which I suppose means I’ll be an associate forever.
What a fucking awful thought.
‘Distract me,’ I say. ‘I’m thinking about work.’
‘On a weekend?’ gasps Robert in mock-horror.
‘Any funny stories for me?’ I say.
‘Nope,’ he says. ‘Bowler-hat girl has gone travelling. Lady Caroline continues to use me when she’s bored. Miss Felicity is seeing someone else but calls me now and again. Nothing very funny there.’
‘It’s bizarre, more than funny,’ I agree. ‘Let’s talk about your best man speech for Luke and Sophie’s wedding. Any ideas? Thoughts? Themes?’
‘No,’ says Robert, his face creasing with stress. ‘I’m considering curling up in the foetal position and whimpering.’
I pause. ‘That could work.’
At about 3 pm, we head home, as Robert has the all-important job of sitting on the balcony in the sunshine, reading the papers. This is one of Robert’s rituals. He hates the idea of missing something interesting, so he buys every broadsheet and reads them cover to cover. It’s like a news binge. I sit next to him, alternating between skimming the business section and staring into space, daydreaming.
‘How excessive,’ I comment, looking at the floor. We’re practically drowning in newspapers. ‘At least you recycle.’
‘Mmm,’ says Robert, folding the paper over expertly. I find it so hard to fold broadsheet newspapers backwards like that, I think. Sometimes it’s enough to put me off reading an article I know I’d probably enjoy.
You know, I’m still mortified about my drunken behaviour on the Skinny Jeans guy date the week before last. I’ve swept it under a carpet in my mind – yes, the same place you’ll find work, and the place that up until a few months ago, you could find Peter. Ahem.
Am I meant to not reply to Josh From HR’s texts, do you think? Hell, maybe I am. Maybe he liked me the way I like Adam The Tick Boxer. Maybe every single person in London is hoping for a text from someone else, and we’re all connected in a chain of waiting. I wonder who’s at the top of the chain?
Robert’s phone beeps. He picks it up, reads the text, makes a derisive little snorting sound and puts it back on the table without replying.
That answers that question, then.
I sit back and study Robert thoughtfully. All 6'4" of him is leaning right back, legs stretched over the side of the balcony, taking up every bit of available space around him. As usual, he’s frowning, giving him a serious look that I think is actually just a squint. He probably needs glasses. Adam The Tick Boxer wears glasses for work, they’re adorable, and –
‘Stop it,’ Robert says to the back of the Sports section. ‘Read something else, or drink your coffee, or something. But don’t stare at me and don’t think about Adam The Tick Boxer.’
‘But he’s so gorgeous. He goes to the gym every day, did I tell you that?’
‘You did. I bet he looks at himself in the mirror as he’s working out, too.’
I narrow my gaze. ‘Do you do any exercise? Your body won’t stay so fit forever if you don’t.’
‘Do you?’
‘Yeah, I’m going to start playing croquet.’
Robert laughs, as I wanted him to, and folds down the newspaper to smirk at me. ‘You don’t seem like the croquet type, Abby, darling.’
‘I think I need a party nap,’ I say. ‘Me too,’ Robert says, cricking his neck.
But I can’t be bothered to get up just yet. I think I’ll just sit here and daydream about Adam The Tick Boxer some more.
‘What should I wear tonight?’ I ask Robert.
‘Are you going to ask me that every night?’ he says. ‘Because it’s been coming up a lot.’
‘It’s rhetorical,’ I say. ‘I’m saying it aloud to prompt myself to think about it. I’m going to Henry’s brother’s goodbye party. I’m meeting Adam The Tick Boxer first, so I want to look sexy, and tall, and—’
‘What happened to the nice shy Abby I met all those months ago?’
