way, ‘Anyway, more importantly, I don’t have anything for you and I simply don’t have the time or inclination to battle Christmas crowds.’
‘You’re so cute,’ he says, and we start kissing again. ‘You and me,’ he says, after a few minutes. ‘We should do this. Let’s just do it, fuck it, let’s do it.’
‘Right,’ I say, barely breathing in the darkness. What exactly does ‘let’s just do it’ mean, do you think? ‘How, uh . . . do you mean?’
‘You are a tough little thing, aren’t you?’ he says. I’m not tough at all, I think, I’m just pretending. ‘We make it official,’ Dave says, pulling my leg up and around his body. He likes to arrange me like this, pulling and prodding me around him for the perfect cuddle. ‘We tell everyone we’re together,’ he continues, his lips on my throat, kissing and nibbling in between words. ‘I’ve always wanted to be with a girl like you.’
I think I might pass out from elation, but I manage to keep my voice steady. ‘I think that can be arranged. I’ll have my people call your people . . .’
‘She damns me with her faint affection! So elusive. The elusive Miss Wood . . .’
‘Sorry,’ I say, and pause, staring in the darkness. Can I let my guard down? Can I take a risk? ‘I’d love that.’ My voice breaks on ‘love’. Bugger.
‘Good girl,’ he says. I wish I could see his face, to see if he looks as happy as I am that we’re having this conversation. But I can’t. Then he kisses me and as usual, my brain short-circuits.
The next morning, the alarm goes off at 6 am to get us up in time for work. Since it’s the week before Christmas, you’d think my office would become a little more festive and relaxed, but no. My entire floor will be at their desks by 7.15 am, latest.
‘Do you want a lift home today?’ asks Dave, getting out of bed a few minutes later. He’s never offered this before, and I’ve never asked.
‘Yes, please,’ I say. I can’t help but smile from ear-to-ear.
‘You do have a sexy little grin, don’t you?’ he asks, jumping back on the bed and making a grab for me. ‘Look at you, with your bird-nest hair. I love it. It makes you even more fuckable.’
‘Off! Go and shower and then drive me home or I’ll be late for work,’ I say, trying to sound cool and tough instead of giddy with elation.
Dave saunters, naked, to his bathroom, and a moment later I hear him singing ‘I’ve Got A Lovely Bunch Of Coconuts’. I snigger to myself. He’s so damn adorable.
Except when he takes 30 minutes to dress and do his hair.
By the time I’m home, it’s almost 20 to seven and I’m late. I run into the house. Robert is sitting by himself at the kitchen bench, eating porridge and drinking coffee.
‘Fuck!’ I shout at him, throwing my coat, scarf, hat and gloves on the couch.
‘You’re late!’ he replies.
‘Dave’s fault!’ I yell back down the stairs. I’m feeling tense: we almost bickered in the car. Dave doesn’t like other people being irritated with him. Even when he’s about to make them seriously late for work. But that’s okay. Because he and I are really, officially, seriously-for-serious together.
I shower as quickly as I can, going through my now-regular combing-out-the-bedhair-with-conditioner motion. I dress hurriedly in black trousers and a black turtleneck, frantically blow-dry my hair, tie it up in a very high chignon, and then calm down for a few minutes so that I can apply my make-up properly. (Make-up in a hurry never works out, like eating when running or reading when drunk.)
‘It’s almost five past seven, what are you still doing here?’ I gasp, when I run back into the kitchen. He always leaves by 6.45 am.
‘I thought you might need an emergency lift,’ he says. ‘It’s Christmas Eve in four days. No company expects people at work on time.’
‘Mine does,’ I say. ‘A lift would be wonderful, lovely Roberto.’
Robert hands me a coffee and a bowl of porridge and heads up to his room, calling over his shoulder: ‘Eat and drink. We’ll leave in five.’
Gulping my thanks through coffee, I sit down. The porridge is just how I like it: made with water not milk, plus blueberries and almonds chopped into thirds (not halves! thirds!) sprinkled on top. He returns a few minutes later and hands me a large bag. ‘Cold weather kit for the moped. You’ll freeze without it.’
‘You have spare cold weather kit?’ I say in surprise.
He shakes his head. ‘I picked it up for you ages ago, but then we haven’t been going to work together . . .’
‘Thank you!’ I exclaim, reaching up to give him a hug. ‘That’s so thoughtful of you. And practical. How much do I owe you for it?’ He leans forward and hugs me awkwardly with one hand, the other still carrying the bag.
‘Nothing. It’s my treat . . . Try them on.’ Robert watches me as I wriggle into the clothes and stifles a grin.
‘Am I both warm AND sexy?’ I ask. I’m wearing waterproof elasticised black trousers and a matching zip-up coat. ‘God! I look like one of those fat cops in The Fifth Element.’
‘I was thinking more of a giant dung beetle,’ says Robert.
I shrug, and waddle noisily towards the front door. ‘Let’s go.’
I cling like a heavily-padded barnacle to Robert all the way to work, and jump off with a shout of thanks. He nods and speeds away.
Walking through the reception area to the lifts dressed like this is mildly embarrassing, so I just keep my head held high and pretend it’s totally normal to look like a giant dung beetle shuffling through the lobby of a large investment bank.
‘Looking good, Abigail!’ says the security guard, Steve, as I pass him.
‘Feeling good, Steve!’ I reply, taking out my security pass from my bag to swipe. It’s our standard Trading Places greeting since we started chatting when I forgot my pass a few months ago. Today he starts laughing at me, clearly tickled by my outfit. I poke my tongue out.
‘Salut, Abigail,’ says a voice as I get into the lift. I knew I’d run into someone. I meet the warm brown-eyed gaze of Andre, the French guy. He hasn’t been working in the London office much lately. How typical that I’d see him when I look like this.
‘How are you?’ he asks.
‘Excellent,’ I say, flashing a grin at him. ‘Please excuse my clothes, I was on a moped . . .’
‘Not at all,’ he says, making a flicking motion with his hand. ‘You always look lovely.’
There is a pause. Thank God no one else is in the lift. I smile without looking at him and keep my eyes fixed on the climbing numbers. He’s been sitting near Charlotte and me, and I often catch him looking at me. Third floor . . . fourth floor . . .
‘I’m going up to eighth, but . . . will you have lunch
