He wagged his whole body, starting with the front shoulders and working backwards. He was like the canine version of a Slinky. We swore there were no bones inside him – just one big, elastic muscle. Jenny began calling him Mr Wiggles.
Marley wiggled most when he had something in his mouth. His reaction to any situation was the same. He would grab the nearest shoe or pillow or pencil and run with it. Really, any item would do. Some little voice in his head seemed to be whispering to him, “Go ahead! Pick it up! Drool all over it! Run!”
Some of the objects he grabbed were small enough to conceal, and this made him especially pleased. He seemed to think he was getting away with something. But when Marley had something to hide, he couldn’t keep it to himself. He would explode into hyperdrive. His body would quiver, his head would bob from side to side, and his entire rear end would swing in a sort of spastic dance. We called it the Marley Mambo.
“All right, what have you got this time?” I’d say.
Marley would waggle his way around the room. His hips swayed and his head flailed up and down like a whinnying horse. He would be so overjoyed with his forbidden prize, he could not contain himself. When I would finally get him cornered and pry open his jaws, I never came up empty-handed. There was always something he had plucked out of the bin or off the floor. As he got taller, he’d take it right off the dining room table. Paper towels, wadded Kleenex, grocery receipts, wine corks, paper clips, chess pieces, bottle caps. It was like a junkyard in there.
Most evenings after dinner Jenny and I strolled together with Marley along the waterfront. Stroll is probably the wrong word. Marley strolled like a runaway locomotive strolls. He surged ahead, pulling on his leash with all his might, choking himself hoarse in the process. We yanked him back. He yanked us forward. We tugged. He pulled. He veered left and right, darting to every mailbox and shrub, sniffing, panting, and peeing without fully stopping. He usually got more pee on himself than on the intended target. He circled behind us, wrapping the leash around our ankles. Then he lurched again, nearly tripping us. When someone approached with another dog, Marley would bolt at them joyously, rearing up on his hind legs when he reached the end of the leash. He just wanted to make friends.
“He sure seems to love life,” one dog owner commented. That just about said it all.
The first time the vet saw him, he let out a soft whistle and said, “You’re going to have a big boy on your hands.”
And we did.
We were not the only ones to notice. Our front door had a small oblong window at eye level. Marley lived for company. Whenever someone rang the bell, he would streak across the house. Then he’d go into a full skid as he approached the foyer. Sliding across the wood floors and tossing up throw rugs along the way, he didn’t stop until he crashed into the door with a loud thud. At the door, he’d hop up on his hind legs and yelp wildly. His big head filled the tiny window as he stared straight into the face of whoever was on the other side. Terrified strangers ran from “the beast”. They raced to the middle of the driveway and waited for someone to answer the door.
After breakfast one morning, Jenny and I decided to walk Marley down to the water for a swim. When we reached the little beach, I wagged a stick in front of Marley’s face and took off his leash. He stared at the stick as if he were a starving man staring at a loaf of bread. His eyes never left the prize.
“Go get it!” I shouted, and hurled the stick as far out into the water as I could. He galloped down the beach. As he entered the shallow water, plumes of spray shot up around him. This is what Labrador retrievers are born to do. It is in their genes.
Labs are known for their desire to fetch. People bred these water dogs to help hunt birds. Once a bird was shot, the dogs would race to get it. Sometimes that meant leaping into ice-cold water to get the dead animal and bring it back to the hunter. These loyal friends never expected a reward for their hard work.
Marley had inherited at least half of the instinct. He was a master at chasing his prey. He didn’t quite get that he was supposed to return it. He might as well have said, “If you want the stick back that bad, you jump in the water for it.”
Marley charged back up on to the beach with his prize in his teeth.
“Bring it here!” I yelled, slapping my hands together. “C’mon, boy, give it to me!” He pranced over, his whole body wagging with excitement, and shaking water and sand all over me.
To my surprise, Marley dropped the stick at my feet. Wow, I thought. How’s that for service? But when I reached down to pick up the stick, Marley was ready. He dove in, grabbed it, and raced across the beach in crazy figure eights. He swerved back, nearly colliding with me, taunting me to chase him. I made a few lunges at him, but he was too fast and agile.
“You’re supposed to be a Labrador retriever!” I shouted. “Not a Labrador evader!”
Maybe Marley had strength, but I had brains. I grabbed a second stick and made a big deal about it. I held it over my head and tossed it from hand to hand. I swung it from side to side. He crept closer until he was just inches in front of me. I rubbed the stick across his snout and watched as he went cross-eyed trying to keep it in his sights.
The little cogs turned in his head. He tried to figure out how he could grab the new stick without giving up the old one. His upper lip quivered.
“I wonder if I could make a quick two-for-one grab,” he seemed to be asking himself. Soon I had my free hand firmly around the end of the stick in his mouth. I tugged and he tugged back, growling.
I pressed the second stick against his nostrils. “You know you want it,” I whispered. And did he ever. The temptation was too much to bear. I could feel his grip loosening. And then he made his move. He opened his jaws to try to grab the second stick without losing the first. In a heartbeat, I whipped both sticks high above my head. He leaped in the air, barking and spinning, obviously at a loss to how such a carefully laid battle plan could have gone so wrong.
“This is why I am the master and you are the beast,” I told him.
In response, Marley shook water and sand in my face.
I threw one of the sticks out into the water and he raced after it, yelping madly as he went. When he returned he was a new, wiser opponent. This time he was cautious and refused to come anywhere near me. He stood about ten metres away, stick in mouth, eyeing the new object of his desire. It just happened to be the old object of his desire, his first stick. Now it was perched high above my head. I could see the cogs moving again. He was thinking, “This time I’ll just wait right here until he throws it,
