disaster, a breakup in a relationship, a fire or flood, a loss of property, or a death, propelled you into the stages of anguish, anger, denial, and then grief? Like most of us, you sink into sorrow and feel the need to tell everyone about your misfortune. Ultimately, after a long period of time, you begin to rise above it and reach the state of acceptance.
Now suppose you knew that what had taken place in your life which you termed a loss or a fall was exactly what was supposed to happen? Suppose you knew instantly that you had to experience the event that triggered your grief and sorrow? Then suppose you could choose to act in accordance with this new awareness? Undoubtedly this “supposing” conflicts with all you have been taught about how you’re supposed to react to catastrophe and death. I am not suggesting you not respect your genuine feelings. I am suggesting that the truth of Rumi’s observations offer you another way of responding to these kinds of circumstances. I am encouraging you to open to the gift or sweetness that is also in the sorrow.
This is an intelligent system that we are all an inseparable part of, and there are no accidents. There is something to learn right here, right now in the middle of sorrow. You can take this lesson and taste the sweet certainty in the mystery. You do not have to pretend to like the tragedy, only to vow to use it to generate the energy to move to a higher place in your life. You could call out to your sorrow just as Rumi did over eight hundred years ago and say to yourself, “It tastes sweet, does it not?” That is, there is something to learn right here, right now in the middle of this sweet sorrow, and I am going to drink it in this manner, and ruin the business of the grief peddlers.
In what we refer to as primitive societies death is an occasion for celebration. There is a basic knowing, even in times of grief and mourning, that does not question the divine timing of each person’s arrival here on earth, or the divine timing of one’s departure either. It is all in order! Perhaps the comfort is the sweetness of seeing that it is all part of the perfection of our universe, which has an invisible organizing intelligence flowing through every cell of creation, including the many painful experiences over a lifetime—then celebrating it all.
As a high school student I was a high jumper on the track team. I won’t discuss the heights I ascended to, but we know from the movies that white men can’t jump! Nevertheless, I used to set the bar on the stands, take a position thirty to fifty feet back, sprint fast toward the bar, and get down as low as possible to generate the added energy to propel my entire body over the bar. By getting down low I could ascend higher. My high school track days provide me with an image that is analogous with the message of Rumi. It is the message of the Kabbalah, and it is my message to you.
Grief, when it is only an inner experience of sadness and sorrow, will keep you down in the very depths of the plunge itself. It will immobilize you and weigh you down with guilt and anguish. But when you know that this despair has within it some sweet blessing, you disrupt the grief/sorrow partnership, and the fall helps you regain your footing and soar above the devastating potholes of life on earth.
Here are some alternatives to the grief/sorrow dilemma:
Stop yourself in the middle of a sorrowful moment and very deliberately say, “Do I have to suffer now, inside as well as outside, over this loss, which I will ultimately come to see as a blessing?” Listen and follow your response. No matter what, you are introducing to yourself the possibility of an improved response to despair.
Practice being able to honestly express your feelings of loss without believing that you must be filled with sorrow as well. It is possible to feel the loss, express it, and still know within the blessing in all of this. Do not demand instant change. Allow what is there to be there at the same time that you allow the possibility of different behavior.
You may have accepted grief and sorrow as inseparable because you have been taught that it is cold and inhuman to be otherwise. When you know that all falls are blessings and all losses are in divine order, you will gradually sweeten the sorrow and you will gain the energy to soar to a higher altitude in all areas of your life.
Every now and then go away,
have a little relaxation,
for when you come back
to your work
your judgement will be surer;
since to remain constantly at work
will cause you to lose power
of judgement…
Go some distance away
because the work appears smaller
and more of it
can be taken in at a glance,
and a lack of harmony
or proportion
is more readily seen.
LEONARDO DA VINCI
(1452–1519)
Italian painter, sculptor, architect, musician, engineer, mathematician, and scientist, Leonardo da Vinci was one of the greatest intellects in the history of mankind.
When a man such as Leonardo da Vinci gives advice, I for one am willing to listen with fixed attention. He has been called by many historians the man with the most inquiring mind of all time. Now that’s quite a compliment! His accomplishments were prodigious, and he is often credited with being the initiator of the Renaissance, which moved man out of the Dark Ages.
Leonardo saw mystery everywhere and delved deep to understand it. He studied the earth, the sky, and the heavens. He recorded the movement of stars and drew up plans for flying machines four hundred years before the first airplane. He was an architect and a consummate artist who plunged into the study of nature and human personality. His portraits of faces were more skillful than had ever been seen before or since, embodying a reality that captured every essence of his subjects. Volumes of books have been written on the magnificence of just his painting The Last Supper. No subject escaped Leonardo’s inquiry, and in this piece of advice quoted above, he offers you a tool for your own creative outlets as well.
When you consider the sheer amount of creative work that Leonardo da Vinci amassed in his lifetime, you might conjure up a picture of a workaholic, Type A person who never did anything but paint, sculpt, and invent, every waking moment of his life. Yet his advice is quite to the contrary, and it is my conclusion as well. This original Renaissance man is advising us to escape from the daily routine and go some distance away to become more efficient and productive.
It seems to me that highly productive people have a great sense of balance and harmony in their lives. They are thoroughly familiar with pacing and knowing when to retreat and clear their heads of the immediate concerns. The key word here is “balance.” To avoid being consumed by anything, you must be able to walk away from it. In the process of walking away, you begin to see your work, or family, or project from a perspective that “appears smaller,” according to Leonardo.
Leaving a fixed point and then glancing back at it does indeed cause the point to appear smaller. But from a distance you can actually take in more of that point, in one swift glance. Thus any weaknesses or flaws can be spotted in an instant. Even though Leonardo may be speaking as an artist, his advice is applicable today, irrespective of what your life work
