saying nothing.
Harriet didn’t know how long it was before a doctor came in in his white coat. All three of them stared frozenly at him.
‘Mrs Thimbell, if I could just have a quick word?’
Harriet and Jane bundled themselves into the corridor. They leaned against the green-painted wall, listening to the sound of babies crying. The doctor came out again, his hands in the pocket of his coat. He nodded encouragingly at them and swept away.
Jenny’s arms stuck out even more stiffly. She told them, ‘They’re going to operate to clear the blockage this evening. They can’t tell me anything else until it’s been done. Will you wait until Charlie comes? He said he’d be here at seven.’
They sat down again on either side of the bed. They tried to talk, but the words tailed off into silence again, and Jenny seemed to prefer that. Jane spoke once, in a low, ferocious voice. ‘Come on, James Jonathan. Come on.’
Charlie came.
He was normally a noisy, red-faced man who was fond of beer and gossip. He used the saloon-bar manner as a cover for his sharp intelligence. But there was no noise tonight.
He sat down and put his arms around his wife, resting his head against her pillows. After a moment, Jane and Harriet crept away.
In the street outside Jane said, ‘Let’s go and have a drink. I really do need to have a drink. Poor Jenny, the poor love.’
There was a wine bar on the corner, one of the green paint, wicker furniture and weeping greenery variety. They ordered wine without deliberation, and sat down at one of the wicker tables.
There seemed little to say that would not be a pointless reiteration of anxiety. Harriet watched people arriving, greeting each other. They all seemed to make tidy couples.
‘What’s up?’ Jane demanded. ‘It’s not just this, is it?’
Harriet shook her head. ‘But this makes it seem not particularly tragic. Not even particularly significant. I was thinking that, when we were sitting in there with Jenny.’
‘What, Harriet?’
‘Leo.’
Harriet described what had happened. Jane’s thick, fair eyebrows drew together sharply. She had never been particularly fond of Leo, but she was always scrupulously fair.
Fairness made her ask, ‘Are you sure?’
‘Sure? I suppose he might have been doing some calendar shots, and I suppose he might have taken his own clothes off to keep the model company. But then he would have needed a camera, wouldn’t he, and a couple of lights? No, it’s not funny, I know. He admitted it, anyway. It wasn’t the first time, or even the first girl. It’s been going on for quite a long time.’ Harriet paused for a moment and then added, ‘If I was being honest, I suppose I’d have to say that I half-knew. Only I didn’t want to know, so I closed it off.’
Jane took a mouthful of wine. ‘So what happens?’
‘I’m going to leave him.’
‘Isn’t that a bit precipitate? You’ve been together for a long time. You’re Leo-and-Harriet, aren’t you? Can’t you work it out, build on what you’ve got, or whatever it is the advice columns tell you to do?’
Harriet had been thinking about Jenny and Charlie, and wondering how their marriage would survive a handicapped baby, or the death of James Jonathan. A little absently she answered, ‘I don’t think any of us can see into each other’s marriages.’
‘No. Especially if you’re not married at all, like me.’
‘I didn’t mean that.’
Jane’s expression softened. ‘I know you didn’t. Don’t be stupid. I just wanted to say something obvious like, Don’t be proud and hasty, or Give each other another chance.’
Deliberately Harriet told her, ‘No. There isn’t anything to work out or build on, you see. I’m quite sure it’s over, and it would only be weakness to try to hang on. Leo’s kind of weakness, what’s more. There would be more mess, and subterfuge, and undermining one another. I would rather be hard about it now, and then start to get over it.’
‘Yes. That’s you.’
‘Don’t you agree with me?’
‘I don’t know. I don’t know what people promise when they marry each other. I do imagine promises aren’t so easily undone.’
But they are, Harriet thought miserably. They are undone, and without love or affection there is no reason for them anyway. It would be different if we had children. Had had. She didn’t say that, remembering where they had just been, and remembering that Jane wanted a baby, and could never find anyone to father it for her. She took refuge in asperity.
‘I don’t know why you’re defending Leo’s sordid behaviour.’
‘I’m not. You know what I think about Leo. I’m just trying to see both sides.’
‘And that’s you.’
That made them both laugh, a little bubble of welcome laughter that grew out of tension. They leaned together so that their shoulders touched.
‘What are you going to do?’
‘He’s away until the day after tomorrow. I think I’ll go home, for a little while. I’d like to tell Kath, as gently as I can. She thinks Leo’s as perfect as Averil does. Well, no, not quite as perfect. That would be impossible.’
They laughed again. Jane knew Harriet’s mother-in-law.
‘Then I’ll look around for somewhere to rent. I suppose, in the end, I’ll get half the proceeds of our flat. I haven’t thought about it very clearly yet. I’m only sure that we can’t be Leo-and-Harriet any more. It will be a relief just to be Harriet.’
Jane looked soberly at her. ‘All right. You know you can come and stay with me for as long as you want, don’t you?’
Jane had her own tiny house in Hackney, a welcoming place that was often full of people.
‘Thank you,’ Harriet said, meaning it.
Jane sat back in her chair. ‘I wonder what’s happening across there.’
‘Helplessness makes it worse. Think how it must be for Jenny and Charlie.’
They stayed at their table in the wine bar, finishing their bottle of wine without relish, and talking sombrely. It was hard to think for long about anything except the baby and what his tiny body must have to undergo.
At last they paid their bill and went out into the warm night. Neither of them felt that they could eat anything; Harriet was reluctant to go back to the new strangeness of her home, but she knew that she must begin to be on her own so that it could become familiar. She had no choice.
They walked a little way together, then paused at the point where they had met earlier.
