nothing wrong with you,” Rob said. “It’s not like you’re afraid to leave the house or can’t buy milk from the Stop & Go. So what if you don’t like people?”
That much was true. My social anxiety didn’t prevent me from accomplishing routine tasks. It was more that I’d realized that being a lobbyist would require constant interaction on a level that horrified me. As for college, I hated the parties that other people seemed to view as the Holy Grail, and the only way I could cope was to become someone else. Also, I drank a lot, more than I’d liked to admit. Though I wasn’t a full-on lush when I left, I could’ve easily turned into one of those people never spotted without a glass of wine.
“I was just in denial,” I said.
“About what?”
“The fact that I’m computer dork and always will be. I’m more comfortable behind a screen than joking around at a party. Only booze makes the latter possible. And drinking led me to some questionable life choices.”
“Like what?” I could tell from Rob’s expression that he didn’t expect me to say anything truly shocking.
How cute, Lauren thinks she has a dark past.
It wasn’t like I’d killed anybody, but I did feel bad about hurting Max, my former housemate. I hadn’t realized he really liked me until it was too late.
A contrary impulse made me mutter, “Fucking my roommate, for example.”
“Why was that dumb?” From the slight widening of his eyes, he hadn’t expected me to bring up sex; he radiated a sort of reluctant curiosity.
“For so many reasons. But that wasn’t the stupidest thing I ever did.”
“Maybe I shouldn’t ask.” Finally, Rob was looking at me as if he understood this wasn’t a joke, and I wasn’t playing around.
I shrugged. “So don’t.”
“But now I’m curious.”
“Well?” I prompted. “Are you asking?”
“I guess I am.” He shifted to face me, eyes steady on mine.
Was I really telling him this? Nadia didn’t even know. But the scare convinced me I had to rethink everything, coming on the heels of another blunder. I couldn’t tell him about that one.
“Drunk Lauren got caught—by a cop—while giving a BJ in a moving vehicle. That’s a misdemeanor, by the way. Indecent exposure and reckless driving.”
“Did you get arrested?” That wasn’t what I expected him to ask.
“The cop gave us both a Breathalyzer test. Luckily, the guy I was with passed. I didn’t. The officer decided my judgment was impaired and let me off with a warning.” I couldn’t face Rob, so I stared at my hands, preparing for the brotherly lecture about my abysmal behavior that was sure to follow.
“I can’t talk about this with you,” he said huskily.
I raised my head, puzzled. “Why not?”
His eyes were storm-dark, not angry. Something else. An emotion I’d never seen in Rob. “I’m human, Lauren. Damn. Like you said before, I’m not your brother, and that mental picture? It’s...distracting.”
“Oh.” Since I’d almost resigned myself to the idea that Rob would never see me the way I viewed him, I had no idea what else to say.
His cheeks reddened. “Great. Now you think I’m a perv.”
“Are you kidding? No. But I didn’t tell you that story to...entice you or whatever.” Though if I’d thought of it and had known it would work, I probably would have.
“You have more sense.”
“I do?” I raised a brow.
“Definitely.”
“I’m not even sure what we’re talking about here.”
Rob sighed, setting his plate on the bookshelf behind us. “I’m saying I understand that you’d never go for me, that’s all.”
I couldn’t read his tone; it bothered me, but there was a complex assortment of emotions striving for supremacy, too many to be easily sorted. So I studied his face, hoping for a clue, but his features were impassive, except for the fact that he couldn’t hold my gaze. His lashes swept down, effectively severing eye contact.
“You don’t know that.” Maybe it wasn’t good for my pride, but they said the truth shall set you free, right? Maybe partial honesty could earn me a day or two of liberty. “I had a real thing for you when I was thirteen.”
A fleeting smile curved his mouth. “I know. You were pretty obvious about it. The year I was seventeen, you didn’t say a single word to me without stuttering and turning red.”
“Well, there you go, then. At any moment, I could leap on the opportunity to make my adolescent fantasies come true.”
He shook his head. “Funny, but no. Girls don’t want me once they grow up. Or after they get to know me.”
“Are you crazy?” I demanded.
“It’s the truth, Lauren. I’m not a guy women dream of settling down with.... They don’t go out with me once, then start planning our futures. I’m the one they sleep with before they meet Mr. Right. Anyone who ends up with me, she’ll just be settling.”
I’d noticed that Rob didn’t have a lot of confidence, but this was the first time I realized how deep the fissure in his psyche ran. “That’s absolute bullshit.”
“You think I haven’t seen it often enough to work out the pattern? I’m the fling, the rebound guy. Sometimes they use me to make someone else jealous because I make good arm candy. But I never get the girl at the end.”
“Maybe you’re reading the wrong stories,” I said softly, then swallowed, battling a rabble of butterflies. Confessing this didn’t mean I was asking him to date me; it just seemed like his ego needed a boost. “If I was writing the book, you’d definitely be the main love interest. You’re sweet, funny, considerate, protective—”
“All of those qualities could apply to a German shepherd.”
“Not considerate. Big dogs get fur and mud all over the place without a second thought. Probably, they’d tip over the garbage, too.” I didn’t mention his hotness. Rob had heard enough about his appearance to last a lifetime. “You’re also ingenious and hardworking, plus you have this extraordinary ability to see things other people miss.”
“I know you’re just trying to cheer me up, but...it’s working.” His smile did ridiculous things to me. Really, his mouth should come with a warning label.
“Yeah? Good. Now I don’t want to hear any more crap from you, Robert Clayton Conrad. I happen to
