feel like shit tomorrow.’
‘Bejesus, since when did you become a boring bastard, Terry Keane? You make me feel like a fecking old grunter,’ Bridie said, chucking him a look. ‘We’re not ready for bed yet. We’re going to have a singalong first.’ After a tussle with Michelle over the mike, Bridie proved her point by launching into her medley of Irish rebel songs.
‘Night, everyone.’ Terry stomped out of the living room without waiting for any replies and headed for the tranquillity of the bedroom. Billie Jo followed suit and sat on the edge of the bed talking to him. Due to his family staying, Terry had no choice but to sleep in Chelle’s room for a couple of days. He was absolutely dreading it. He just hoped the wildebeest was incapable of making it up the stairs and crashed out on the sofa as usual.
‘Do you know something, Dad? Our family is really not normal.’
‘Tell me something I don’t know, Bill.’ Terry gently ruffled her hair. ‘Never mind, girl, we’re not gonna have to put up with all this shit next year, are we?’
‘Do you know what, Dad, I really can’t wait. I’ve had enough of living in this nuthouse.’
Terry kissed her forehead. ‘Night, sweetheart.’
‘Night, Dad.’ Billie kissed him and returned to her own room.
Two hours later, Terry was woken by a big fat hand squeezing the life out of his cock. Leaping out of bed in shock, he flicked the light switch on, and looked towards the bed in horror at the sight of Michelle lying there, stark bollock naked, showing all her crowning glory. ‘What the fuck do you think you’re doing, Chelle?’
Chelle squinted at him, trying to focus out of one eye. ‘Oh come on, Tel, come back to bed and give me a cuddle. I feel randy tonight and if you’re lucky, I’ll let you have your wicked way with me.’
Terry looked at his wife in disgust. They hadn’t had sex for at least nine months and he’d forgotten what she looked like naked. She looked awful, that’s what she looked like. He knew he could never fuck her again. He wouldn’t even want to poke her with someone else’s, let alone his own. Deciding to sleep on the sofa, he headed downstairs to get a bit of peace and quiet. Thankfully, his brother and the lush were nowhere to be seen.
‘Happy fucking Christmas,’ Terry said out loud. His family were out-and-out nutters and he’d had a gutful of the lot of them. Chelle, Bridie, his mother, it’s as though their aim in life was to do his head in. As for his brother turning up with Frankenstein’s monster, that’d been the icing on the cake.
Well, no more. Tomorrow he would take Billie out on his lonesome, he would take her somewhere nice, somewhere special. The rest of his not-right family could go and fuck themselves.
As Terry Keane went to sleep that night, he was positive that he’d endured the worst of the festive season. Unfortunately for him, the nightmare had only just begun.
TERRY WAS UP with the larks the following morning. He scrubbed the vomit-stained carpet, tidied the living room, and cooked himself up a full English. He couldn’t live in shit, it gave him the right hump when the place looked like a tip and he knew Chelle wouldn’t do it. Housework was not on top of the list of his wife’s priorities. Normally they had a cleaner who came in twice a week, but she had gone away for Christmas and had cancelled until the New Year.
‘That smells lovely, Dad, I’m starving. Will you make me something please?’ Rubbing her tired eyes, Billie plonked herself onto a chair.
Terry rustled up one of his specialities, handed it to his daughter and sat down opposite her at the kitchen table. ‘I can’t stand another day like yesterday, Princess. How about we have a day out, just me and you, and not come back until late tonight?’
‘I can’t, Dad. I’m going round Tiffany’s this afternoon. I thought I told you. Her mum and dad are having a house party tonight and I’m staying over. I’ll come out with you this morning though. I’ll take my stuff I need for tonight with me and you can drop me off round there about four.’
Terry was disappointed; he hadn’t expected Billie to be busy. He wouldn’t have minded if he could have seen Jade but she was hundreds of miles away. His only other option was to go out on the piss. Deciding to give Davey Mullins a bell, Terry looked at Billie.
‘Chop, chop, then. Go and sort your gear out and we can escape before anyone wakes up.’
Terry spent the morning traipsing around the sales in Romford. By lunchtime, he wanted to tear his hair out. Dragging Billie out of Top Shop, he sat her down on a nearby bench. ‘I’m starving, Princess. I can’t be walking around no more shops. I’ll make a deal with you. Me and you’ll go for something to eat and I’ll give you five hundred quid to go and spend on top of your Christmas money. Take Tiff with you or someone. These crowds are driving me mad, Bill. It’s so fucking packed. The next person that bumps into me, I swear I’m gonna up ’em.’
Billie giggled. Her dad wasn’t a great shopper at the best of times. ‘I don’t want another five hundred quid. You gave me more than enough for Christmas. Let’s go for a pizza, then you can drop me around at Tiff’s.’
‘I want that pizza there,’ Billie said, showing him the menu. ‘And can I have some garlic bread with cheese?’
Terry ordered their food and smiled at her. ‘Well, you’ve got enough bags. Best show your old dad what you bought.’
Billie happily obliged by showing him every purchase and explaining the before and after prices to him. ‘They’re such bargains, aren’t they? Especially that bag you bought me,’ she said excitedly.
Terry smiled to himself as their lunch arrived. Billie Jo had only been in three shops, yet had still managed to spend a bloody fortune.
Tucking into her pizza, Billie Jo studied her dad. Women seemed to love him, and whenever she was out with him she noticed the female attention that he received. He appeared unaware of it himself; either that or he just wasn’t interested.
Remembering he only had eyes for Jade, Billie decided to try and build some bridges. She wasn’t happy about him being with someone so young, but he was the best dad in the world and he deserved to be happy. Billie knew she’d been horrible to him when he had first told her about his feelings for his secretary. She’d avoided him for days and had barely spoken to him unless she’d had to. Ashamed of her childish behaviour, she nibbled her garlic bread and smiled at him. ‘How’s Jade? Aren’t you spending any time with her over Christmas, Dad?’
Terry nearly choked on his beer. Jade had been an unmentionable subject up until now.
‘She’s staying at her parents’, Bill. I suggested it. I knew I’d be tied up with that lot indoors and I didn’t want her to spend Christmas all on her own.’
Pushing her plate away, Billie searched for the right words.
‘I’m sorry, Dad, if I’ve been a cow. When you first told me about Jade, I was really shocked. Now I’ve had time to think about it, I’m pleased that you’ve met someone special. I love you so much. So if you’re happy, then I’m happy for you.’
His daughter’s acceptance of his situation
