bluntly. ‘They were putting him to bed as I left.’
‘Oh dear,’ I said. ‘Can I ask you why he was sedated?’
‘He was upset,’ Jessie said, equally bluntly. ‘When I told him of your concerns, he became very agitated and started shouting and crying. The doctor was called and said he would give him something to calm him down and help him sleep.’
‘I’m so sorry,’ I said. As I’d feared, I was responsible.
‘It’s not your fault,’ Jessie said, which surprised me. ‘Derek was in a fragile state to begin with. I told him I thought the allegations were unfounded and I had no reason to doubt his ability to parent Beth, but he still took it very badly. He feels there is a lot of prejudice against a man bringing up a daughter alone, and I think he could be right. He’s overheard mothers discussing him in the playground. One even suggested that the reason his wife had disappeared was because he’d “done her in”. Miss Willow had also spoken to him, so I’m afraid your comments were the final straw. I reassured him that as far as I’m concerned the matter is finished, but it didn’t help. Hopefully he’s recovered now.’
‘I do hope so,’ I said. I hesitated, then I dared to ask: ‘Did you tell him what Marianne said?’ From what Jessie had said, it seemed that she hadn’t mentioned Marianne’s worries to Derek, just mine.
‘Yes. Derek admitted there was a problem between Marianne and Beth. He said they seemed to be jealous of each other and vied for his attention. It was going from bad to worse, which was why he ended his relationship with Marianne. He explained this to Marianne, but it appears she doesn’t want to believe it.’
Put like that it all seemed so rational and reasonable. I felt an absolute fool – a vindictive fool who had caused a lot of trouble and set back Derek’s recovery.
‘I’m sorry,’ I said. ‘Will Derek be well enough for Beth to speak to him this evening?’
‘Yes. I should think so. I’m going to telephone the hospital later and see how he is today. If you don’t hear from me, assume he’s all right and telephone as normal. But Cathy, I would appreciate it if you just made the call and then passed the telephone to Beth. I don’t want you engaging in conversation with Derek. Understood?’
‘Yes.’
‘Also, I want Beth to see her father later in the week. The doctor agrees it will help his recovery. I was thinking of Friday after school. I was going to ask you to take Beth, but given the animosity between you and Derek I think it’s better if I take her.’
‘All right,’ I agreed, feeling completely ineffectual.
‘If I don’t speak to you before, I’ll collect Beth at about four o’clock on Friday, and return her after the visit.’
‘Thank you,’ I said. ‘Shall I tell Beth she’ll be seeing her father on Friday?’
‘Yes. It will help cheer her up. Should help cheer up Derek too. Poor man, he was so upset. Inconsolable.’
Which compounded my feelings of guilt and wretchedness.
Chapter Eight
Paula and I went to Kay’s house as arranged at eleven o’clock and the two girls played while Kay and I talked over coffee. Kay soon realized I was preoccupied and it wasn’t long before she asked: ‘Is everything all right, Cathy? You don’t seem your usual chatty self.’
‘Sorry,’ I said. ‘I have a problem connected with the fostering. I made an error of judgement and caused someone a lot of upset.’ Kay knew that confidentiality forbade me from discussing the details, as did my other friends and family.
‘I’m sure you didn’t mean to,’ Kay said. ‘I know how much fostering means to you, and how much you love it. All that time you invest in it. Anyone can make a mistake.’
‘Thank you.’ I smiled weakly. ‘Unfortunately this was rather a large mistake and I’ve hurt someone a lot.’
We stayed for just over an hour and then Kay offered to make us some lunch, but I politely refused, saying I had things to do. In fact, I felt I was such poor company that it would be better for her if we went. ‘Another time would be good,’ I said. ‘Or you could come to us. We can arrange something next week.’
‘That’d be lovely,’ Kay said. ‘Try not to worry.’
‘Thank you.’
We said goodbye, and I went home – to brood.
That afternoon, when Beth came out of school, she asked if I’d spoken to Jessie and if she could telephone her father.
‘Yes, you can,’ I said with a smile. I’d assumed that Jessie would have telephoned me by now if the call wasn’t going ahead. ‘Also, Jessie is going to take you to see your daddy after school on Friday.’
Beth’s face lit up. ‘Fantastic! I’m going to see my daddy. What was the matter with him last night?’
‘He was asleep, like the nurse said,’ I replied, which was close to the truth. I wouldn’t normally explain sedation to a child Beth’s age unless it was absolutely essential, as it would be upsetting for them.
I continued to worry about the distress I’d caused Derek by unjustly accusing him for the rest of the day. I was looking forward to the weekend, when John would be home and I could share my worries with him, for, as the saying goes, a problem shared is a problem halved. Just as we’d finished eating dinner, the telephone rang. I left the table and answered it in the living room. I was very pleased to hear John’s voice.
‘Hello, love. What a lovely surprise!’ I said. ‘Adrian and Paula will be so pleased you phoned. I’ll call them now. And when you’ve finished talking to them I’d like a chat too. Adrian! Paula!’ I called from the living room. ‘Dad’s on the phone.’
They came running and jumped onto the sofa and sat side by side. I handed the telephone to Adrian. ‘You speak to Dad first and then pass the phone to Paula,’ I said to Adrian. He nodded.
‘Hi, Dad!’ Adrian began with a broad grin. I could see how delighted he was that his father had made the time to call. Paula was grinning too.
I left Adrian and Paula to talk to their father and I returned to Beth, who was still sitting at the dining table, although she’d finished eating.
‘When can I telephone my daddy?’ she asked pensively.
‘At seven o’clock, love. In forty-five minutes,’ I said, glancing at the wall clock. ‘Not long now.’
‘Their daddy doesn’t telephone much, does he?’ Beth said.
‘No, so I’m very pleased he’s found the time to telephone now.’
‘Why doesn’t he phone them much?’ Beth asked. ‘Doesn’t he want to speak to them?’
‘That’s not the reason,’ I said, taken aback that Beth should think this.
