come and see her had been for nothing. He was a man on a mission, it seemed.
It had grown busy since they’d arrived. Parents ushered their children towards the school just around the corner, and people laden down with shopping bags from the supermarket further up the street hurried past, some with a friend beside them and some alone, busy and rushing to their next destination. It was nice, watching the place come to life like this. It made her feel as if she was part of it all again, life happening all around her.
‘Terrible,’ she admitted eventually.
Rob studied her with concern. There really was no point in lying to him. He knew her inside out, and even trying to lie would make her feel so very guilty. They’d always been close and he’d confided in her so many times, she couldn’t shut him out any longer.
‘I guess you could say I’m not coping very well,’ she added, realising that he was waiting for her to elaborate. It was the understatement of the century. She wasn’t coping at all. She felt like she’d lost whole months of her life somewhere along the way since it had all gone wrong. Days of darkness and sadness trailed out from behind her, like chunks of bread helping her to find her way home. She was too deep into the woods to return to the person she’d once been, and the reality of being divorced from the man she’d planned to spend the rest of her life with didn’t make sense to Maria. She felt like she’d suddenly swapped lives with someone else. One thing that constantly poked at her was the fact that she didn’t think she deserved this sort of pain. It was a childish thing to consider, but she’d been such a good person throughout her life. Always there for everyone else when they needed someone to confide in. A compliment that had been thrown her way many times was that she was a good listener. She was down to earth, happy and always full of good advice. But it seemed that now, when she most needed it, she was unable to help herself.
‘I didn’t think so.’ Rob waited patiently for her to continue, giving her the time she needed to properly explain how she felt.
‘I just don’t know what to do now.’ Maria shook her head. ‘Any future plans I had involved Mike, and now that I know he’s not going to be included in any of them, I feel lost. As if I suddenly have no direction in life. I’m so angry at him, Rob. So, so angry.’ She blinked away the tears that threatened to surface. It was a wonder she had any left, considering how often and how hard she’d cried recently. ‘I suppose most of all, I feel like an idiot. For being loyal, for worshipping the ground the stupid man walked on, and then to find out he was playing away with some bloody tart from work. It’s crushing.’
‘You’re not an idiot.’ Rob’s jaw was set. ‘You trusted the man you married, Maria. He made vows to you on your wedding day, vows which you believed he meant. Any woman would have done the same. He’s the idiot. Not you.’ He closed his eyes momentarily, and Maria wondered what was going through his mind right then. Was he angry too? She guessed he was. He and Mike had been good friends for a while, heading out to the pub for a pint and to watch the football every now and then.
Maria sighed. She certainly felt like an idiot. She’d never felt more stupid in her life. ‘You’re right. I know you are. I thought our marriage meant more to him than that, but clearly I was wrong. I want so desperately to stop thinking about him, about the why, but it’s so damn hard. I know I need to move on, to focus on me now. Being here is helping, and I’m grateful to Geraldine for letting me stay at the cottage. I don’t have to worry about bumping into him in the street, which is a relief. I was always terrified of that while I was back home. Can you imagine?’ A shiver wriggled its way up her spine. What would they have said to each other, she wondered? It would no doubt be awkward, an interaction involving mostly silence and not knowing where to put themselves. She’d much prefer to stay out of his way, to not put herself in that position at all, actually. The very thought of it was mortifying and she couldn’t promise herself that she wouldn’t crumble into a heap on the pavement and cry her heart out for all to see.
The divorce had been simple, if you could call the breakdown of a marriage simple. There’d been no need for solicitors to become involved, which she’d feared. A war in court was not how she’d wanted it to end. It had been efficient, and before she’d even known it, the papers were signed and they were free from each other.
There was a clatter on the table as their drinks were delivered then.
‘Here you are, folks. Sorry for the delay. I’ve managed to find myself in a bit of a pickle. My waitress walked out on me this morning, so it’s just me bumbling along at the moment. I’m Harriet, by the way. I should have introduced myself sooner.’
‘It’s no problem,’ Rob smiled handsomely. ‘In fact, there wasn’t a delay at all.’
‘Your breakfast shouldn’t be too far behind. I’ll pop it over once it’s ready.’
‘Thank you,’ said Maria. Harriet’s smile reached her eyes, before she returned to the counter.
Maria took a tentative sip of the rich brew. It was the first decent cup of coffee she’d had in weeks. There was a shiny coffee machine back at the cottage but she hadn’t had the patience to figure out how to work it. What buttons did you press if all you were after was a standard coffee? Thankfully, she’d found a jar of instant in one of the cupboards, settling for that. It wasn’t the best but it was something at least.
When Maria had turned the key in the cottage door and stepped inside, she’d taken a curious wander through the home and found the cupboards and fridge-freezer stocked up. Even the sheets on the bed had been freshly washed and smelt divine. The place itself though – and Geraldine had said as much – was in desperate need of a lick of paint. The walls were dull and the paint peeling, and as soon as Maria had come face to face with them, she’d known a splash of colour was just what the cottage needed.
‘What’s next?’ asked Rob.
‘I told you, Rob. I’m completely clueless. I suppose I’ll take the summer and use it as time to recuperate. I said I’d do up the cottage for Geraldine as a thank you. I need to pull myself back together and get used to life without Mike.’ She shrugged. ‘That’s all I can do really, isn’t it?’ She couldn’t, no matter how hard she tried, think ahead to after the summer had ended. When she did, it felt like looking into a void, empty of people and plans. It was a horrible feeling, one she didn’t quite know what to do with. Perhaps ignore it? That seemed like the best option.
‘You’ll be fine, I know you will.’
‘I hope so.’ She tried to smile at Rob gratefully.
‘And try not to think about him,’ Rob added. ‘He doesn’t deserve even a second of your time.’ He reached across the table to squeeze her hand comfortingly. ‘We’re all here for you. Me, Mum, Rosanna and the girls. You don’t need him. You’re much better off here, away from it all, for the summer at least. Everyone’s still asking about you, about how you’re coping. You’d hate it.’ The corner of his mouth quirked.
‘I would,’ she agreed quietly, nursing the warm mug with both hands. Her fingers curled around it, seeking comfort. That was another thing that had begun to get on her nerves. The sympathy had been overwhelming, especially from her mother’s friends. Pats on the back and sad smiles by the bucket-load. She couldn’t stand it. She’d hoped, foolishly, that people would manage, for the first time ever, to keep their noses out of her business, but they hadn’t. Everyone knew what had happened. She guessed that was partly to do with Ellen and her network of friends, who always seemed to know everything about everyone. There were no secrets in her life, and Maria hated that. At least here, no one had the slightest clue about her.
‘I
