was livid. “What is wrong with my mouth?”
“Nothing, that’s why I’ve given you six and a third.”
“But that’s only average.”
“Well, I know I would have given you more, because I think that it’s definitely seven or even an eight when it’s closed.”
“When it’s closed,” I said dangerously.
Jas was as red as two beetroots. “Well, I had to consider things overall. You see, it’s your smile.”
“What about my smile?”
“Well when you smile, because your mouth is so big...”
“Yes, do go on...”
“Well, it sort of splits your face in half and it, well, it spreads your nose out more.”
7:00 p.m.
In my room in front of the mirror. Practising smiling without making my nose spread. It’s impossible. I must never smile again.
8:00 p.m.
Phoned Jas.
“Jas, you only gave me seven and a half for my figure, and I gave you eight for yours.”
“Well?”
“Well I only gave you eight because you are my friend.”
“Well I only gave you seven and a half because you are my friend. I was going to give you seven.”
Midnight
How dare Jas only give me – what was it? – eight for my eyes? I gave her eight for hers and she has got stupid brown eyes.
1:00 a.m.
That stupid Morgan can only have given me four, three or nought for my nose. I gave her six and a half for hers and I was being very bloody generous when I did.
What is the point of being a nice person?
Thursday November 26th
9:00 p.m.
Vati dropped a bombshell today – he is going on a trip to NEW ZEALAND because M and D are thinking of going to live there! I don’t know why they bother to tell me. I don’t really see what it has to do with me. It was just as I was on the dash to school and Vati said, “Georgia, I don’t know if you have heard anything but there’s been a lot of redundancies at my place.”
I said, “Vati, don’t tell me you are going to have to go on the dole with students, and so on. You could always sell your apron if we get too short of money.”
Monday November 30th
4:20 p.m.
Jas still moping about Tom. We have to avoid “his” part of town now. I hope I’m not going mad but Rosie told me that she draws stuff on the roof of her mouth with her tongue. Like a heart or a little house. I said she was bonkers but now I’ve started doing it.
5:00 p.m.
Bumped into the boy up the street I met at Bonfire Night. We sat on our wall for a bit. It’s funny, he’s one of the only lads I don’t feel like I should rush off and cover myself in make-up for. I don’t even flick my hair so that it covers half my face (and therefore half my nose). Dad says if I keep doing it I will go blind in one eye, and also that it makes me look like a Pekinese, but what does he know? And anyway, it won’t bother him in New Zealand.
Bonfire Boy is called Mark and I suppose the reason I’m not too self-conscious in front of him is that he has a HUGE mouth. I mean it, like Mick Jagger. He is about seventeen and he goes to Parkway, the rough school. He’s mad about football and he and his mates go play on the park. I think I’ve seen them when I’ve “accidentally” taken Angus for a walk up there. He’s sort of quite attractive (Mark, not Angus), despite the mouth. He wants to be a footballer and has got a trial somewhere. When I left he said, “See you later.” Oh no, here we go again, on the “See you later” trail.
9:00 p.m.
Saw Mark walking down the street with his mates. He looked round and up at my bedroom window so I had to bob down quickly. I hope he didn’t see me because I had an avocado mask on and my hair Sellotaped down to keep my fringe straight. I wonder where he is going? He had trainers and joggerbums on.
10:30 p.m.
Heard Mutti and Vati arguing. Oh perfect, now they’ll split up and they’ll both want custody of me.
10:40 p.m.
If I go with Mum I will have access to make-up, clothes, and so on, and I can usually persuade her to let me stay out later. She laughs at my jokes and goes out a lot. On the other hand, there is Vati.
10:42 p.m.
Ah well, bye bye, Vati...
Tuesday December 1st
11:00 a.m.
Mucho excitemondo! There is going to be a Christmas dance at Foxwood school. Slim announced it in assembly.
“Girls, there is to be a dance at Foxwood school, to celebrate Christmas, on December 12th, commencing at seven thirty.”
It was like something out of Four at Mallory Towers. Me and Rosie and Jas and Ellen went “Oooohhhhhhhhhhhhhh ooohhhhhhh!” for so long that Slim had to say “Settle, girls”. At last she went on, “To add to the festivities there will be a... band.” We started doing our “ooohhhing” again but Hawkeye glared at us so viciously we stopped.
I had thought of shouting “Three cheers for the Headmaster of Foxwood, and three for Merry England!” but I didn’t.
Slim still hadn’t finished. “The band will be The Stiff Dylans.”
Lunchtime
12:30 p.m.
Jas and me had a confab by the vending machine. Jas said, “Do you think we should go? I mean, Lindsay will be there, and Tom might... well, he might go with someone else and then we’d be like...”
“Two spare wotsits at a wedding?” I suggested.
4:00 p.m.
The most cringe-making thing in the Universe of Cringe-making Things happened this afternoon in RE. It was with Miss Wilson, who is not what you might call normal (still, who would be – teaching RE?). She is a very unfortunate person, with ginger hair in a sad bob, her tights are always wrinkly, plus she wears tragic cardigans, usually done up the wrong way. She is not blessed in the looks department, but worse than this, she has not got a personality – at all
