They shared a look, then eyed me suspiciously.
“Okay … we’ll just go then.” Miaka’s gaze lingered on me before the door closed behind them.
I tightened my lips, trying not to laugh out of the pure joy of having a secret, then pulled up Akinli’s picture again, smiling at his comically drooping eyebrows.
I searched through my phone for something to send back to him, maybe a picture of me in one of those dresses I loved. But I discovered that I had never turned the camera on myself. I had images of the sky, a bird, my sisters, but none of me.
I flopped down on my pillow, sweeping most of my hair above my head. Part of my face was buried in my comforter, but when I snapped the picture, it felt like an honest representation. I stared at that girl for a while, the giddy glow behind her eyes, the hint of a smile in her cheeks, and thought, Yes, this is how this moment makes me feel.
I sent it to him saying, This is when you give up and get in bed. No one will care about your math grades in six years. Promise.
I wanted to explain how many disasters I’d seen disappear in what felt like only minutes compared to the whole span of time.
Is it weird if I tell you you’re pretty? he answered. You’re pretty.
I thought of the way the water looked when I blew bubbles out of my mouth. That was the way I suspected it looked inside my body right now. Light and airy and bursting with happiness.
Is it also weird if I tell you I like talking to you even though you don’t speak? I like talking to you.
“Where are you going?” Miaka asked the second my hand hit the doorknob the next night. I had really thought I was going to be able to sneak out without them noticing. Elizabeth’s music was blaring from her room, and they’d been in serious dress talks for the last twenty minutes.
“Just for a walk. Might go by the store. You want anything?”
She looked me over, studying my outfit. Around the house, I enjoyed comfy rompers or sweaters, and if this had been an impromptu trip, I’d probably still be in those clothes. My skirt—which I already knew might be a bit much for the occasion but made me feel as nice on the outside as I did on the inside—was a bit of a giveaway.
“No. Nothing has sounded worth eating lately.”
I nodded. “We should hit up a new state soon. Or a new country. Sometimes the smell of a different place will make me want to eat, you know?”
“I do! We should make some plans for where to go next. Sometimes our moves are too spontaneous for my tastes.”
“Yeah,” I said, shifting the weight of my purse. “A strategy would be good.”
Miaka smiled and looked at my clothes again. “Well, maybe we can talk about a lot of things when you come back.”
I said nothing but was sure my smile was as damning as my skirt. Oh, well. So much for secrets.
I got the groceries and lugged them all the way to Akinli’s dorm, running slightly behind because I couldn’t get into the building on my own. The university required ID cards to get into the dorms after six, and since I wasn’t an actual student, I had to wait for someone else to come along and scan his so I could piggyback in.
“You need some help?” the boy asked, his eyes lingering on my mouth.
I shook my head no.
“Aww, come on. That’s way too heavy for you.”
He came closer, and again I cursed our natural appeal. I wasn’t in danger exactly, and I knew that, but it didn’t make these encounters any less uncomfortable. I shook my head again.
“No, really, which floor are you on? I can—”
“Hey, Kahlen!” I looked up to see Akinli walking down the hall. His button-up was open over the gray shirt beneath it, but I was thrilled to see that he’d at least put one on. “I was starting to worry. Hey, Sam.”
“Hey.” The boy gave Akinli a look and headed toward the stairwell, his displeasure at Akinli’s arrival clear. In the meantime, I felt my mood lift significantly. I was now officially on my first date.
“Here, give me one of these.” Akinli took a bag from my hands and led me to the elevator. “The kitchen’s just up here. Now, I did some practicing this morning,” he said proudly.
I raised my eyebrows.
“Yep. I made eggs. They were terrible.”
I held in a laugh as the elevator dinged, delaying a moment before actually opening to the second floor.
“I think the problem was that I had no supervision, so this will probably go much better.”
We turned into the small kitchen area, and I saw that he’d done some prep work. A whisk and a bowl were already out, as well as two different-size circular pans. He put down his bag and picked up another item.
“I took this off our door. My roommate was a pain about it, but if you need anything, just scribble it down.” He passed me a whiteboard that had already managed to take a beating in the first few months of school. It was such a thoughtful gesture, I nearly cried.
I watched him as he carefully took out the eggs and sugar and flour, lining up everything along the back of the counter to give us room to cook.
“Is this almond extract? This is fancy. Again, I ruined food today, so remember, you’re going to have to walk me through every step of this.”
Wordlessly, I pulled out the printed instructions and laid them beside the bowl.
“There we go,” he said, picking them up to study. He went over the multiple steps, his face looking more and more worried the closer he got to the end. He pulled himself together and peeked sheepishly at me over the top of the paper.
“Okay, Kahlen. Teach me to cook!”
“Have you always lived in Florida?”
I shook my head and cracked another egg. It wasn’t one of those things I could easily explain without speech. I waved my hand in a circle and made an exasperated face.
“All over the place?”
I nodded.
“Are your parents in the army or something? I only got to spend a year with one of my best friends in high school before his dad was stationed somewhere else. I hear that’s pretty fast, though.”
I watched him, listening intently, not really confirming or denying anything about my parents and hoping he wouldn’t press any further.
“I grew up in this tiny town in Maine. Port Clyde. You ever heard of it?”
I shook my head, and he passed me
