Worse
Adrian and I showed the two male police officers into the living room and we all sat down. Lucy joined us, but Paula stayed in her room. The lead officer asked me questions as the other officer took notes: about his background, the reasons for him coming into care, how long he’d been living with us, the events leading up to his disappearance and so forth, much as I’d already given when I’d reported Stevie missing. I appreciated Adrian and Lucy being present. When they were young, as a single-parent foster carer I’d had to face situations like this alone. Now they were older it was reassuring to have them by my side for moral support and also to supplement details I might have missed. I told the officers what steps we’d taken to find Stevie, including leaving messages on his mobile, contacting his grandparents and that Adrian, Lucy and Paula had looked for him in the area.
‘Do the police know there’s a man sleeping rough in the High Street?’ Lucy asked the officers.
‘Yes, he should be on his way to a hostel now,’ the lead officer said. ‘We spotted him on our way here. They make room at the hostel in really cold weather, even though they’re full.’
‘Good,’ said Lucy. Although I remained concerned that anyone should be sleeping on the streets in the first place.
The officers asked if Stevie kept a diary or had left a note and I said I didn’t think so. They asked if he took drugs or drank alcohol, and I said I was sure he didn’t because he’d seen what they’d done to his mother. They asked about his usual hangouts, and if he had a laptop or tablet, and I confirmed that he had a laptop but had taken it to school that day. A call came through on the second officer’s phone and they both paused to listen to it. It was in respect of another young person who’d gone missing but had just been found at the home of her boyfriend. ‘We usually find runaways within twenty-four hours,’ the lead officer said, which was reassuring.
‘But what if they’re not found?’ Lucy asked, worried.
‘Then we keep looking until they are,’ he said with a positive smile.
As I expected, they wanted to search the house. As well as confirming that Stevie wasn’t here, they’d be looking for any clues that might suggest where he could be. I showed them into our kitchen-diner first and they had a look around, opened and closed a few cupboard doors and looked out the back door. As we returned into the hall we passed the walk-in cupboard under the stairs and the lead officer paused and asked, ‘What’s in there?’
‘A mess,’ Lucy quipped. I opened the door so they could see in. It held the vacuum cleaner, broom, dustpan and brush, a no-longer-used gerbil cage, shopping bags, bric-à-brac and anything we didn’t use but didn’t want to throw out.
Satisfied, the officers followed us into the front room.
‘Does Stevie use that computer?’ the second officer asked, referring to the PC.
‘He hasn’t done,’ I said.
They looked around and then Adrian headed our little procession upstairs to Stevie’s room. ‘It’s very tidy for a fourteen-year-old lad,’ the lead officer commented as we went in.
‘Yes, Stevie keeps his room neat,’ I agreed.
They gave this room a more thorough search and looked under the bed, pulled back the duvet, checked inside the pillowcase, drew back the curtains, and opened and closed the drawers. Stevie’s make-up, nail varnish and floral cosmetics bag were in the top drawer, but they didn’t comment. Only when they opened the wardrobe door did their expressions change and I saw them do a double-take. ‘They’re bright,’ the lead officer said, glancing at me. ‘Does Stevie wear these?’
‘Yes, sometimes,’ I said.
‘And the make-up in the drawer?’
‘Yes, but not for school. He’s in his school uniform.’ I felt Stevie’s privacy was being invaded, but then again, if he hadn’t gone missing the police wouldn’t be here rummaging through his private belongings. Until now I hadn’t mentioned gender, as it hadn’t seemed necessary, but as they examined his clothes and checked the pockets I thought I should say something. Lucy got in first.
‘Stevie is gender-fluid,’ she said proudly. ‘That means he doesn’t have a fixed gender and likes to dress femininely sometimes. I’ve helped him with his make-up.’
‘He’s gay?’ the lead officer asked me.
‘No, he’s undecided,’ I said. ‘Although he did go to an LGBT nightclub before he came to live with us.’
‘At fourteen?’
‘Yes.’
He tutted. ‘Do you know which one?’
‘No, sorry. I don’t.’
They checked down the side of his wardrobe, looked in a carrier bag hanging on the back of the door and the pockets of his dressing gown, then, with a final glance around, the second officer said, ‘There’s nothing in here.’
We all came out and I showed them round the landing to our bedrooms. When we came to Paula’s room I knocked on her door and stuck my head round. She was propped up on her bed, reading. ‘The police need to have a look in here,’ I said. She got off her bed and stood beside it, clearly embarrassed, as both officers came in and looked around. Although it was necessary, it was an imposition. They thanked her on their way out and I showed them my bedroom and finally the bathroom.
‘There’s nowhere he can hide in there,’ Lucy said pointedly.
The junior officer smiled at her. ‘You can never be sure.’
Downstairs again, we stood in the hall as the officers prepared to leave. They confirmed that Stevie’s details had already been circulated, and we should contact them if he got in touch or returned home, which they felt sure he would do before long. They said they would visit his grandparents; I didn’t tell them what Peggy had said about not going there until morning. It seemed rude and I doubted that waking Kiri and Liam would be a factor in timetabling their visit, with their busy work schedule.
It was after 10.30 by the time the officers had left. Sammy came out from his hiding place behind the sofa and curled up in his basket, and by eleven o’clock we were all upstairs getting ready for bed. I left my mobile phone switched on and within reach on my bedside cabinet in case Stevie phoned, then lay in the dark running through the day’s events and wondering where on earth he could be. Suddenly I was startled by the landline ringing. I quickly grabbed the handset. ‘Cathy?’ It was Peggy wanting to know what had happened when the police had visited. I told her, said I’d phone her when there was any news and wound up the conversation. I think she would have liked to talk for longer, but it was nearly midnight and I was shattered.
I lay in the dark again with my thoughts buzzing like trapped flies, and tried to imagine where Stevie might be. My bedside clock clicked away the time: 12.30, 1.07, 1.43. Then I must have dropped off, for suddenly I was awake again, and aware my mobile was ringing.
‘Yes?’ I said immediately, answering it.
‘Is that Cathy Glass, Stevie’s foster carer?’ a male voice asked.
‘Yes.’ My heart began thumping wildly as I sat bolt upright and switched on
