between the two of us. ‘And I’m not doing some crazed pre-wedding diet that’s going to take six months, so that’s not a thing.’
‘People don’t plan their weddings so far in advance just so they can lose a few pounds,’ I said, deliberately not catching Sarah’s eye. We all remembered her pre-wedding diet. They were dark days. Dark, Slim-Fast-filled days. ‘It takes time to make the dress. The ones you try on are samples. Most designers make every dress from scratch when you order it.’
‘But you’ll be able to help me, right?’ she said with pleading eyes. ‘I just want it to be perfect.’
‘Of course I will,’ I replied automatically. ‘But if you want to organize a wedding in three months, you’re going to have to make compromises.’
Why did I suddenly feel like I was at work? Oh, that’s right, because my best friend had just hired me to pull together her wedding in three months and she was planning on paying mates’ rates, i.e. nothing.
‘It’s going to be fine. It’ll be awesome,’ she said. And she was smiling again, clearly having stopped listening to me halfway through. ‘I just know you’re going to help me have the perfect wedding. I‘ve done some research to help you. Do you think we could get the carriage they used at the royal wedding? They can’t be using it now, right?’
Before I could say anything, she reached underneath the sofa, pulled a giant powder-blue ring binder out of her tote bag and dropped it onto the table in front of me with a thud.
‘This is where I’m at so far,’ she said, brushing her hair over her shoulder, all business. ‘Do you want to go through it now or do you want to take it with you and get back to me later?’
‘I think I might take it with me,’ I said slowly, leafing through the pages. Vintage Rolls-Royces for the bridal party, Routemaster bus to take the guests to the reception, Monique Lhuillier, Vera Wang, Jenny Packham, fireworks displays, swans, doves, swing bands, pick-and-mix counter for the reception, chocolate fountain, champagne fountain, sherbet fountains … it was my all worst nightmares wrapped up in a best-friend bow. I wanted to help Lauren, but I couldn’t help feeling a bit sick. ‘You know, I might not be able to get all this for August.’
‘Of course you will,’ she said confidently. ‘You’re amazing.’
‘I mean, yes, I am,’ I agreed. ‘But putting this together this quickly is going to be a full-time job, and at last count I already have one of those.’
‘Can I get you anything at all?’ A waitress appeared at my elbow, pad at the ready.
‘Three champagnes please,’ Sarah said quickly. ‘Do you two need anything?’
Against all the odds, the party was fun. I made a deal with Lauren to keep Sarah away from her dad, and Sarah made a deal with me to keep a glass of champagne in her hand at all times. Thank goodness I’m used to managing conflict on a daily basis.
‘He is fit, though,’ Sarah said, leering at the aforementioned father from our new perch outside the marquee. ‘For an older man, I mean.’
‘He’s Lauren’s dad,’ I said as I looked over at the sixty-something-year-old man clutching the arse of his thirty-something-year-old second wife and gipped. ‘I just don’t get it.’
‘He’s a silver fox,’ she said, actually swooning as he flicked a hand over his far-too-luxuriant-for-my-liking grey locks. ‘Imagine all the things he could teach you.’
‘Like the current value of a shilling and what things were like “when he was a lad”?’
‘Piss off.’ Sarah slid her finger inside the top button of her silk blouse and pulled it away from her neck. ‘I bet he knows his way around a bed.’
I stuffed a piece of puff pastry into my mouth. ‘I think I’m going to be sick.’
‘Ladies, I’ve been thinking.’ Before Sarah made me actually vomit, Lauren dropped into the third chair around our little iron table and all sexual theorizing about our best friend’s father ended abruptly. ‘I’m so sorry about you and Steve. I feel as though messing around with all my wedding stuff is going to be difficult, given everything that’s going on, so if you don’t want to be “involved”, I completely understand.’
Sarah, half-cut and half awake, gave a loud sniff.
‘If I’d known, I never would have done that dumb dinner announcement thing.’ Lauren continued, crumpling her pretty face in a frown, and I knew she meant it − she was the most considerate person I knew. ‘I got carried away.’
Sarah smiled awkwardly and shook her head. ‘And you should be getting carried away − you’re getting married,’ she said, reaching out for Lauren’s hand. ‘Things are weird, yeah, but I want to be a help. I’m sorry if I’ve been weird.’
‘You haven’t been weird at all!’ Lauren said, dashing round the table to give Sarah a hug. ‘You’re going through something so awful, and this is shitty timing. If I could change it, I would, but with Michael’s grandma and all …’
I glanced over at the little old lady in the spectacular hat. The bottle of whisky in her lap was empty now, but the bottle of gin she’d moved on to looked fairly full so I assumed she was all right. And my own personal hero.
‘It’ll be fine,’ Sarah promised. ‘It’ll be better than fine. I’ll be fine and the wedding will be fantastic. Give me something to do − I’m always happiest when I’m busy.’
‘I hate to interrupt …’ Michael, never Mike, leaned over his new fiancée’s shoulder and squeezed her shoulder. ‘But my mum and dad are leaving.’
‘Congratulations, Michael,’ I said, beaming at the groom. ‘Now remember, if you break her heart, I’ll have to kill you.’
He stepped back and stared at me.
‘Why would you say that?’ he asked with big brown Bambi eyes. ‘And at our engagement party?’
No one could accuse Michael of being sharp enough to cut anything. He was very nice and clearly loved the shit out of my friend but I would never forget the time he was discussing films with Sarah and told us all he thought the sequel to Dumb and Dumber was the most underrated film of all time.
‘It was a joke,’ I said, looking to Sarah and Lauren for support and finding none. ‘I was just kidding.’
‘That’s a terrible thing to say,’ he said, gripping Lauren’s hand tightly in his and pulling her away from the table to stand by his side. ‘And you’re supposed to be planning our wedding?’
‘Technically, I’m a bridesmaid,’ I replied. ‘I’m helping to plan the wedding. But I didn’t mean to offend you.’
‘Such an awful thing to say,’ he said to Lauren. ‘You know I would never hurt you. Why would she say that?’
‘I know.’ Lauren narrowed her eyes at me and shook her head. ‘Don’t worry about Maddie, she thinks she’s funny.’
‘I am funny, aren’t I?’ I hissed at Sarah, who shrugged in response.
‘Not
