been resettled in America by the CIA, for whom he had worked against Gamal Nasser, in Egypt. She also confided that a year earlier, Joe Talal had written a letter asking her to come to Jordan and live with his other family. This request had stunned Jet, and her mother had descended into depression, fearing that her daughter, too, would abandon her. As Jet and I grew closer, she gently probed me about Adam’s death. Soon we were comforting each other in places far removed from our classmates.
Then the rumors started finding their way back from Ole Miss. Since leaving Bienville, Paul had apparently been screwing every girl in Oxford willing to remove her sorority skirt, or even hike it up behind the frat house. At first Jet wrote these stories off as malicious gossip. Then she had a confrontation with a drunk girl who’d graduated from St. Mark’s three years earlier. The girl ended up yelling that she’d not only slept with Paul at Ole Miss, but had also had him the previous year, while Jet was going around on his arm like the queen of the city.
Two days later, Jet and I properly consummated our relationship. It was a bittersweet experience for me. I’d slept with three other girls by then, but Jet had learned a lot during her years with Paul. I couldn’t escape the feeling that he had explored and awakened parts of her that I had been meant to, and only because Jet’s father had abandoned her a month after our summer ended. Jet sensed a shadow between us, and eventually she asked me about it. This conversation finally exorcised Paul’s ghost for me—her assertion that I was not a substitute for Paul, but rather the reverse. He had been a replacement for me, during a time when she’d been too wounded to trust any emotion that made her feel vulnerable. She’d wrapped herself in a shiny new life with an extrovert jock, rather than a wounded, self-conscious introvert like me.
Paul finally came home in late October, and he expected Jet to pick right up with him. When she refused, he got angry for about five minutes. Then he found another girl and spent the night with her. Despite this public abdication of their role as the school’s golden couple, Jet and I kept our heads down. For a week we met out at the spring at Parnassus. With cars at our disposal, we could easily drive out there separately, then relive the afternoons of three years before, only with penetration added to the mix. But it was inevitable that someone would eventually see us behaving like lovers, and they did. When word reached Paul, he went crazy.
It turned out that Jet had shared many details of our first summer with him. Because he’d had far more sexual experience than Jet, she’d used her experiences with me to pay him back in kind for his too-vivid recounting of previous exploits. This left Paul feeling that no matter how many times he had sex with her, he would never elicit the purity or depth of response in her that I had.
I hoped he was right.
The night he heard about our new relationship, Paul demanded to meet me at the Bienville Country Club the next day. At four P.M. on a weekday—I still remember that. Through a mutual friend he had called me out, Old West style. The story spread like wildfire. The next day, he skipped class and drove four hours to kick my ass.
To my surprise, the country club was closed when I arrived, apparently for remodeling, but a line of cars was parked outside the entrance, a 1980s analog of the mob that watched the “chickie-run” in Rebel without a Cause. I hadn’t known the club was closed, because my family had never belonged to it. Dooley Matheson, Paul’s mean Jackson cousin, opened the locked gate for me, and I drove in to meet my destiny. The sky was overcast with steel-gray clouds. Paul stood out on the practice green, staring off toward the tree line, looking ten pounds heavier than when he’d left town.
We walked the first five holes in silence, not looking at each other except for sidelong glances, the way you look at other men in public restrooms. He stank of sweat and stale beer. I had an eerie feeling that he was measuring me for the first blow. In preparation for my senior football season, I’d put on a lot of muscle over the summer. Paul had been out of training for months, pounding bourbon and Cokes and chowing down with his frat buddies. I had never seen him show fear, and I didn’t that day. But he seemed to be wondering whether taking me on might prove more painful than he’d imagined after a few shots of whiskey at Ole Miss.
As dusk fell over the sixth fairway, he started talking. Not to me exactly, just venting. Strangely, he wasn’t talking about Jet. He was mumbling that college had turned out to be nothing like he’d imagined. It was basically an extension of high school, he said, and nobody he knew had any idea what they were going to do in the real world. A couple of St. Mark’s guys were on track to be doctors. Others claimed accounting was the quickest path to a Beemer and a Rolex and a McMansion in Dallas. None of that interested Paul. He’d been raised by a father who was larger than life—an athlete and war hero who could outrun, outplay, outshoot, outwork, outdrink, and outfuck (just ask him) any other man in whatever state he happened to be in at the time. In short, Max Matheson was a tough act to follow, and Paul didn’t seem to have any idea how to go about it.
At the ninth-hole tee, he stopped to piss out the beer he’d drunk during the drive down from Oxford. Then, as though taking out his dick had somehow broached the subject we were there to discuss, he said, “You love her, don’t you?”
When I didn’t answer, he said, “You’ve always loved her, man. Don’t try to deny it.”
“I didn’t deny anything,” I said, still tense with the expectation of violence.
He sniffed, then looked off in the direction of the river, which flowed a half mile to the west. “I know she’s pissed at me. I’ve banged a lot of chicks up there, you know that. But Jet’s nothing like them. Not even the hottest ones at Ole Miss. Or the smart ones. She’s … freaking perfect.”
“Perfect’s a pretty high bar,” I said, but I secretly believed the same thing.
“I used to think so,” he said. “But Jet clears it.”
He finally looked over at me, and when our eyes met, I saw a guy who was hurting at least as much as I had been for a long time. Why? I wondered. Surely not because of Jet. Maybe it’s something to do with his old man—
“The thing about Jet,” Paul said softly, “is that no matter what you do to her, or with her, she stays pure. You know? She’s above all that, somehow—even though she’s doing it, and into it. Right?”
I knew what he meant. He was trying to describe something rare back then, the utter absence of shame in Jet’s carnality. But I didn’t say so. My mind was running rampant. What did Jet think of him in bed, really? Had she been honest with me? Or had she, out of a desire not to hurt me, pretended that sex with Paul was nothing special? How far had she gone with him? What boundaries had they crossed together?
“If you think she’s so perfect,” I said evenly, “why do you sleep with half the girls at Ole Miss? Why waste your time?”
“Why do you think?” he asked, looking out toward the river again. “I’m stuck there with nothing else to do. You think I’m going to lie around the dorm studying? You know me better than that.”
In truth, I didn’t know why Paul had even bothered going to college. It was a foregone conclusion that he’d end up working for his father in the lumber business. I guess he’d expected Jet to put up with a few flings, then be waiting for him when he came home with a report card full of “incompletes,” ready to settle into the rut that had always been waiting for him. One thing I knew—Jet had no intention of marrying into that life.
“You’re boning her, aren’t you?” Paul said, and this time his voice had an edge to it.
I said nothing, but my nerves sang, and the muscles in my arms quivered in expectation of a fight.
“You
