me.’ Bunny turned and exited, leaving Del on his own wondering if there was ever going to be a time when he’d understand what went on in women’s heads.
‘I had the dreams again.’ Bunny sat in the large white chair opposite the door, wringing her hands.
The place Bunny sat in was a tiny nondescript room with paint peeling off the wall, above a shop on the north side of Victoria Station, but it was one Bunny cherished coming to. It was away from everywhere. A room where nobody knew her or could find her, and it was this room she visited each week.
The one other person sitting in the room was a small hunchback grey-haired woman, dressed in unsuitable clothes for the heat of the summertime. Her black cardigan was buttoned up to the top and she wore a high roll-neck top underneath. She smiled at Bunny sympathetically as she looked over her glasses with a penetrating stare. ‘Do you want to tell me about them, Bunny?’
‘It’s the same dream.’
‘The one where you see him, the man from the woods?’
Bunny nodded, unable to hold eye contact with the woman, fearing she might cry.
‘Have you told Del about the dreams yet?’
Bunny shook her head. ‘No, not really. Not properly anyway.’
‘I think you should. I’m sure he’ll understand.’
Bunny looked down, noticing a line of ants crawling along the skirting boards. ‘Maybe, but …’
The woman pushed Bunny a little harder. ‘Don’t you want to? Is it because you don’t trust him?’
‘I do, but …’ Bunny paused, not wanting to talk any longer, even though that was the reason why she was here.
‘Go on Bunny.’
‘How would I explain to him? I’m a grown woman, I shouldn’t be scared of dreams. It’s stupid.’
‘Then why do you come here?’
Bunny shrugged, but didn’t answer. The woman continued to talk in a soft and comforting manner. ‘What made the dreams come back do you think?’
‘The kid. The missing kid from Camden.’
‘Julie Cole?’
‘Yes.’
‘Tell me what you see, Bunny. It might help.’
Bunny’s blue eyes glazed over as she looked down. Her body became tense and she could feel her breathing becoming shallow as she began to talk, falling into the darkness of her own mind.
‘It’s cold and I’m wearing my dress. Brown dress, horrible thing.’ Bunny gave a wry smile then continued. ‘I don’t have a jacket. Lost it or thrown it. It’s dark and I can’t see nothin’, but I can smell everything. It’s been raining and the leaves are really wet. I can smell the damp and the moss of the trees. I can feel my tights are damp because I’m kneeling down. And then I hear her calling. It’s from a distance at first, but because I don’t say nothing, I make her come to me. She’s looking for me. Calling my name over and over again. I should’ve gone. I should’ve gone when she called me …’
Bunny stopped, unable to carry on, her eyes full of tears.
‘Carry on, Bunny. Try to stick to telling me about the dream.’
‘I can hear her calling my name as if she’s right next to me, but I don’t move. I stay perfectly still. I want to laugh but I know she’ll hear me. And then I hear another sound coming from behind me. Other footsteps. Snapping at the twigs and crunching the leaves on the ground. The moonlight suddenly comes between the trees and I can see me breath in the darkness and just as I’m going to get up I see them. I want to call out to her for her to stop, to go back ’cos I know there’s something wrong. But I don’t. I can’t because then they’ll know I’m there. I’m looking through the bracken of where I’m hiding and I can see her face, she’s still looking and she thinks it’s me. She turns round and I catch the fear in her eyes. And then I feel something warm on my face and I know it’s blood. Tiny splatters of her blood. I hear a gurgling sound and it’s her throat being cut. I look directly at them, wanting to see them, but it’s like they’ve got no faces. I can’t remember their faces no matter how hard I try. Then I see her. She’s just in front of me, lying on the ground. I can almost touch her. She’s only a few centimetres away. So still. I see some of her hair has caught on the bracken so I stretch me fingers out to stroke it. I want to stroke it, to make her know it’s all right that I’m there. But it’s too late, she’s gone. And then even though it’s cold and I’m afraid, I stay with her ’cos she pretends not be afraid of the dark, but she is and I know she don’t like to be alone. I can’t sleep, but it looks like she’s asleep, so I just stay huddled up till the sun rises and she don’t move and neither do I. Just me and her.’
Looking up, wide eyed, Bunny stared at the woman. ‘I’m sorry, I’ve got to go, I can’t do this.’ Without waiting for a reply, Bunny grabbed her bag, running out of the door as she listened to the cries of the woman calling her back.
Bunny walked home slowly. She felt drained. Exhausted. And even putting one foot in front of the other seemed a huge effort. The memories of her childhood had reopened painful wounds.
She had once had dreams like her daughter Star. She had once believed that she could do anything. But she knew the debilitating shadow of her childhood had a lot to do with why she couldn’t leave what she did behind. She certainly knew her past was why she couldn’t allow herself to trust anyone, not even Del.
Being a hooker enabled her to give Star the things she’d never had. But it also allowed her to step slightly aside from the rest of society. She could hide away but still keep on living.
Though she wanted a lot more for Star. And for Star, Bunny would do anything. She’d keep on fighting to be a stronger. To be a better person. For Star, she needed to conquer her demons, so her child wasn’t burdened with her ghosts from the past.
9
‘What the fuck is that supposed to mean?’ Teddy Davies’ face twisted in rage as he stared at the small-time Soho dealer on the dusty floor of the walk-up.
‘I’m here to collect my money.’
‘I … I haven’t got it.’
Teddy squatted down to where the man was sitting. ‘My money. My drugs. I want them now.’
‘I can’t … he said I wasn’t to give you any more.’
Teddy craned his ear towards the man. ‘What did you say?’
‘I said I can’t give it to you.’
Teddy stood up, slapping the man hard round his head. He had a feeling he wasn’t going to like what he was about to hear. ‘Talk then, I’m listening.’
‘It’s Del. Del Williams.’
Teddy spoke slowly. ‘What about Del?’
‘He’s
