kink takes its toll in a different way.
Later
As my insecurities climb the wall of my pragmatism, like so much virtual ivy, it’s all becoming much too clear. There’s only one person unambitious enough, pretty enough, yet old enough to bring on this trip. She’s safely in her thirties, and she won’t steal my best client or warp his mind.
Monday, June 24, 2002
This morning, when Allie returned my call, I was in the computer nook, dusting my husband’s college souvenirs.
“Have you heard from Jasmine?” she asked.
I aimed the can of compressed air at Matt’s shot glass collection.
“No,” I said. “Why would I?”
“You’re not still—you have to make up with her!” Allie insisted.
“What are you talking about?”
“She’s—she asked about you yesterday.”
“Oh? What did she want to know?”
“Something to do with your hormones,” Allie said in a sheepish voice.
“And THAT’S SUPPOSED TO MAKE ME WANT HER AS A FRIEND? Cunty remarks about my hormones?”
“They weren’t c—it wasn’t like that. Stop using that word!”
“Is there a better one?” I asked.
“It’s just her way of saying she misses you! Anyway, I’m sick of running interference.”
“Then give it a rest. Nobody asked you to.”
“But …” There was a strange pause. Allie’s voice was wobbling out of control. “Sh—she did. She asked me to call you and find out—I don’t think Jasmine was held enough as a child! She has trouble expressing her feelings!”
“I’ll call her,” I lied, anxious to stem the teary tide. As usual, Allie’s feelings come first—even when she’s delivering an insult from another girl.
“Please do that!” she begged me. “I’ve seen Harry at her place, twice, and I think he misses you. I don’t think I’m really his type.”
“Well,” I reminded her. “You’re Milt’s type. Don’t you want to know why I called you?”
After outlining the situation in Provence, I offered a special incentive: “I’m only taking twenty percent. I really don’t mind.” Allie, at least, wasn’t on the verge of tears anymore.
“Omigod,” she sighed. “I really wish I could.”
“What do you mean?” I said. “You have to! I can’t go to France alone. And you’ll have so much extra cash when you come back, you’ll be able to spend an entire month doing NYCOT stuff.”
“I know, but NYCOT needs me in Barcelona!”
“Barcelona? What the—”
“It’s the international AIDS conference. Bad Girls Without Borders is hosting a shadow conference, and Roxana’s chairing a panel on medical ethics, so I have to present for NYCOT during mobility rights.”
“Can’t you work around this? There must a way.”
“My panel’s right in the middle of the AIDS conference! I can’t just—I’m sorry, Nancy! Roxana NEEDS me, I’m the only person she trusts at this point. She’s counting on me to represent NYCOT at Barcelona. Sex workers are coming from all over Europe and Asia! I gave her my word! Besides,” she said, “we don’t want to disappoint the Cambodians.”
I might have known—when I actually need Allie to come through, she’s got a date with Roxana to save the world.
“And,” she said, in a breathless voice, “it’s a historic moment for me. I’m finally part of the solution!”
“Part of—what did you just say?”
“Sex workers are part of the solution. That’s our new T-shirt! It’s all part of our HIV awareness campaign,” she explained. “We’re bringing a hundred T-shirts to Barcelona! Roxana picked out the font, and I chose the colors.”
They must be very pink.
And now they’re part of a much larger problem!
Later
This afternoon, as I scrolled through my inbox, I spotted one of Darren’s boyish BlackBerry messages:
re: as marvin gaye likes 2 say …
LET’S. so, are we ON? Thursday, 3:30?
While I typed a businesslike e-ply—
ok, I GET IT. Confirming 3:30!
—a rambling apology arrived from Allie.
Re: HIV & me!
Hey Nancy? I’m sooooo sorry about the conflict with our shadow conference! Roxana says it’s crucial for NYCOT to be on lots of panels because the Europeans don’t appreciate how international we are. It’s, you know, the most global HIV event in the world! The Russian outreach workers are coming. There’s going to be a very radical keynote address about HIV research from Miguel X. He’s a former “rent boy” from Brazil, and it’s MY JOB to introduce him! Gretchen was supposed to, but something happened, I don’t know what exactly, but now I REALLY have to be there because we want a New York sex worker to introduce Miguel. Pleeeeease tell Milt: I really wish I could be in two places at once but I have to be at the HIV shadow conference!
Does Allison think she’s the only girl in town? Of course, I’ll tell Milt nothing of the sort, about Allie OR this conference. When I DO find a girl for him, he must never suspect she’s my second choice. As for Allie’s conference, Milt must never hear about her activism.
The very thing that makes Milt feel safe—a successful call girl with a secret life, quietly snowing polite society—is also what turns him on. Allie’s attempt at a militant new look, complete with HIV slogans, would surely have the opposite effect?
A huge message from my mom with a slightly misleading subject header:
Re: Normandy Postcard
Brief—with enough JPEG attachments to fill a scrapbook.
Having lovely time looking at farmhouses. Let me know what you think. Currently rather enthused third from top. Take note goats and half-timber. Sebastian’s at Renascent House again. Thought you wd like to know. Best decision he’s made this year, I think. Dodie sends her best. Love to Matt.
