the same time, he couldn’t crush her close enough. She felt like heaven and the ginger scent of her was so sweet, so well remembered. It filled him with longing and regret.
“Connor...” She lifted her head from where she’d buried it against his shoulder. “Oh, Conn...” Tipping her chin high, she offered her mouth to him, surging up higher, eager to meet his lips.
He’d never wanted anything so much in his life as to steal a kiss from her right now.
But he couldn’t do that. It wouldn’t be right.
“Hey, now...” Reluctantly, and much more gently than he’d grabbed her, he eased her thighs from around him. Setting her carefully down, he stepped back.
She stared up at him, shattered. “Tell me.” Bright red stained her battered cheeks. “Say it.”
“I’m sorry, I...” Words failed him.
She’d always been the stronger one. Now, she said it for him in a flat voice. “We’re not married. You filed to divorce me seven years ago. I live in New York and I have a fabulous career. And you and me, we’re just...not anymore.”
He blinked down at her. “So then, you do know? You remember now?”
She laughed then, a wild laugh, and tossed her midnight hair. “No, I do not remember.” She put both hands to her head, as if to steady her brain after shaking it. “But it’s what everyone keeps telling me. It’s what I see in your eyes when I look at you.” She held up her left hand, poked her thumb at her ring finger. “Bare. That’s a big clue, right? My laptop is toast, but they recovered my purse and phone from the wreck of my rental car. I have a New York driver’s license. It says my last name is Santangelo. And I’m on social media. I’ve seen a bunch of great pictures of me with my friends and colleagues in Manhattan. I wear a lot of black and I have amazing shoes.” She put her hands to her head again. “Also, everything’s pretty fuzzy in here. I believe, I’m absolutely certain in my heart, that you and I are still married. But I don’t really remember much specifically—about you and me and our life now. I can’t tell you where we live or what we do, together, day by day...”
“Because we aren’t together.” The words came out of him sounding cold. Cruel. He tried for a gentler tone. “Not anymore. Not for seven years.”
“My family has explained it all to me, over and over, that we broke up because you wanted to stay in Oregon and I was determined to have a career with a major advertising firm. That you divorced me when I took a job in New York.”
“That’s right,” he said gently. “That’s what happened. That’s the truth, at least basically.”
She sneered at him. “Basically, huh? So then, what is the deeper truth, Connor? Tell me about that.”
He’d come here to be honest with her, but still he hesitated, reluctant to admit what a rotten jerk he’d been. “You really don’t remember any of it?”
She raised her hand and laid it carefully over the white bandage on the side of her head. “Just...random images. Nothing makes sense.”
He stared down at her. Where to even start?
“Tell me,” she demanded again.
He made himself do it. “From the first, when we were at OU together, you were all about getting out, getting away. No small-town life for you, you told me. And I went along with you, I agreed with you. I said I wanted what you wanted, that I would go with you. I would get a job in finance. We would take New York by storm. I pretended to be all gung ho about it. You interviewed with your dream company in Manhattan and they hired you. We even signed a lease on a postage stamp of an apartment.”
“But you didn’t really want to go?”
He shook his head. “We were packing for the move when I finally admitted I didn’t want to do it. I wanted a life here in Valentine Bay, working with my brother, building the family business.”
She seemed more confused than before. “You lied because...?”
“I didn’t want to lose you. I told myself you’d change your mind, that deep in your heart, you didn’t want to go, either.”
“But I really did want to go?” It wasn’t quite a question.
“Yeah. You did. You really did. Still, when I finally admitted I wasn’t going, you were...patient with me. You tried to compromise, begged me just to try New York for a year and then we would reevaluate.”
“And you?”
“I dug in.” He couldn’t meet those bruised blue eyes. “I said forget it, I wasn’t going. I was so sure that when it came right down to the wire, you wouldn’t leave me, that you would give it up and stay home.”
“But I didn’t.”
“No. You went. I didn’t reach out. You didn’t, either. Two months after you left, I had you served with divorce papers.”
“Connor.”
He looked at her then. Her eyes were wide, full of wonder—or maybe just complete disbelief.
“Nothing?” she whispered. And then her voice gained strength. “You gave me nothing for two months and then, without so much as a phone call, you filed for divorce?”
“That is exactly what I did.”
“You were an assh—”
“Yes, I was. And that’s not all. I scrawled a note on the envelope the divorce papers were in. I wrote, ‘Or you could just come home.’”
She blinked. “Wow. You make yourself sound even worse than what my brothers told me.”
“Yeah, well. You signed the papers and wrote your own little note. Two words. ‘Or not.’”
That brought a low, husky laugh from her. “Good for me.”
“I can’t say I thought so at the time, but yeah. Good for you.”
“So then what you’re really saying is that you were a total douche-basket who threw me and our marriage away?”
He held her gaze and told the painful truth. “That is exactly what I was and what I did.”
She just stood there looking at him for the longest time. He had no clue what she might be thinking, though he was pretty sure it wasn’t anything good.
And he was having a little trouble not surrendering to his insane compulsion to drop to his knees and beg her for another chance.
He didn’t give in to that. He had no right. It was way too late for second chances, for big, dramatic gestures. He was here to help her, not add to her confusion.
In time, she would remember her real life in Manhattan. She would realize that she had everything she’d ever wanted, that she was better off without him.
“I don’t know what more to say, except that I am so sorry. And if there’s anything I can do now, anything
