and was clearly used to talking to children. She accepted my offer of a coffee and drank it while sitting on the floor, playing with Molly and Kit and getting to know them. As she played she also talked to me, asking how they were settling in, what they liked to do, Molly’s attitude to Kit and if they’d been ill at all. Clearly, she already had a good grasp of the issues that had brought the children into care. She said that if there was something we couldn’t discuss in front of the children she’d phone me, and she’d also give me her number and email address before she left. She said she’d seen Molly and Kit’s parents once and would be seeing them and the children again during the coming months. She then sat on the sofa to make some notes as the children played.
‘When the children were ill did you seek medical help?’ she asked after a moment.
‘No, I didn’t think it was necessary. Once they’d been sick they recovered quickly, and neither of them fitted or had difficulty breathing. Kit had a small rash on his stomach for a couple of hours, which I monitored, but it cleared up. I would seek medical help, even call an ambulance, if I thought it was necessary.’
‘I am sure you would,’ she said as she wrote. ‘I am trying to gauge the seriousness of these mysterious illnesses that both children suffer from.’ I thought the term ‘mysterious illnesses’ summed it up. ‘Aneta appears to have become very anxious about her children’s health. I am wondering if a less anxious parent might not have sought medical intervention as often as she did. Are you aware of the number of times she took them to the doctor and hospital?’
‘I know it’s a lot. I think she is anxious about them being ill and catching germs.’ I told her what Molly had said in the park about germs and having to clean their hands and the play equipment with antibacterial wipes. She nodded as she wrote. ‘But I understand the children were also taken to hospital with injuries,’ I said. ‘The last being Kit’s broken arm.’
‘Yes, that’s correct,’ she replied, but she didn’t elaborate. ‘How is his arm now? He seems to be using it without a problem.’
‘It’s far more comfortable now it’s in a splint.’ I explained what the doctor at the fracture clinic had said and gave her the date of the follow-up appointment.
‘How would you say Kit and Molly get along?’ she asked, glancing at the children as they played.
‘Fine. They seem to be very close. They were sharing a bedroom, but Tess asked me to separate them. Kit’s cot is in my room now.’
‘How did that affect them?’
‘The first night they were both unsettled and upset, but they’ve accepted the new arrangements now.’
‘They share a bedroom at home,’ Tamara said flatly.
‘Yes, I know, which is why it seemed strange that I had to separate them here, although it’s not a problem.’
‘Aneta has a baby monitor in the children’s bedroom at home,’ Tamara said, ‘so she can hear if Molly gets out of bed. She checks on them regularly and goes into their room if she hears anything suspicious.’
‘I could have put a monitor in their room here,’ I said. ‘Then they could have stayed together.’
‘Aneta didn’t want that. She was concerned you wouldn’t answer their calls or keep checking on them as she does, and that Molly would hurt Kit again.’
‘Of course I would have checked on them,’ I said, a little affronted. ‘I am constantly checking on them, day and night.’
‘I am sure you are, but it’s appropriate for the social services to take into account the parents’ wishes. It might be that the children are returned home. You’re aware of the care plan?’
‘Yes. Long-term foster care as far as I know.’
‘That’s correct, if the judge decides they can’t return home, but we’re a long way from that yet.’ She made another note. From her remarks I assumed she had doubts as to whether the children would remain in care. The Guardian’s recommendation to the judge on what is best for the children is based on their assessment. While the judge isn’t bound to accept the Guardian’s recommendations, they nearly always do, even if it goes against the social services’ care plan.
Tamara asked about the children’s routines, their likes and dislikes, if they were anxious and what they said about life at home. As we talked she kept glancing at the children, observing them as they played. She was with me nearly two hours, and although I didn’t learn anything knew – that wasn’t her role – she thanked me, said it had been helpful and she had a better understanding of the children, and added that she would see me at the review on Thursday.
I had told Tamara the children were close and appeared to get along well and I’d seen no incidents of Molly being unkind to Kit that could have resulted in him being injured. At that point, it was true. However, a day later when the children had been with us for three weeks and were perhaps more assured and relaxed in their surroundings, Molly started bullying Kit. It began with her snatching his toys, so whatever he picked up to play with she took from him, sometimes quite forcibly. That much younger and smaller, he didn’t protest or try to take it back as an older child might. His little face crumpled and sometimes he cried. I told Molly it was unkind to snatch and kind to share. I gave the toy back to Kit and found her something else to play with. But as soon as I moved away or turned my back, she had snatched it back from him. I told her again it was not kind to snatch and returned the toy to Kit. This could be repeated a number of times and often Kit eventually gave her the toy, so I took it from her and put it away. I didn’t want her thinking she could get her own way by bullying. Adrian, Paula and Lucy witnessed her behaviour too – she didn’t hide it – and they approached it as I did by telling Molly it was kind to share and returning the toy to Kit.
Many siblings go through a phase of bullying and, thinking it might help, I emailed Tess and asked again if Molly and Kit could have some of their own toys from home. Tess replied that she had asked Aneta and Filip before and would do so again.
As well as taking Kit’s toys, Molly began trying to scare him by jumping out and making a loud noise. He looked frightened and didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. I told her not to and that she wouldn’t like it if someone frightened her. If Kit fell asleep in his car seat, she screamed in his ear. He woke with such a start he was close to tears. I told her off and then moved her car seat so she wasn’t next to him. She wasn’t pleased, but she’d learn in the end. If Kit had a sleep during the day, which he did sometimes, I put him in his cot and then had to make sure Molly didn’t creep upstairs and wake him. Going to nursery and socializing with other children helps teach children how to behave and what is acceptable. Molly and Kit appeared to have led isolated lives, and as far as Molly was concerned (that much older and bigger) she was top dog. Her behaviour towards Kit could have stemmed from jealousy or been just a phase she was going through, so while I always corrected it I wasn’t unduly worried.
However, I then saw Molly intentionally push Kit over with a hefty shove. He didn’t cry but was scared. I told her off and explained that she could have badly hurt him. Children of her age don’t appreciate what harm they can do, which is why the age of criminal responsibility is set at ten – higher in some countries. Was she capable of pushing Kit downstairs, resulting in him breaking his arm as Aneta had claimed? Yes, I now thought she was, for she wouldn’t know how dangerous it could be. I noted all this in my log and would update Tess.
I telephoned Maggie to arrange the time she should come to babysit for the review and she said she’d be bringing Keelie again.
