* *
Nearly a week later, Jake was at home stressing about the predicament he’d gotten himself into. Carol hadn’t returned to work yet, but by now a doctor had confirmed what the home test had also revealed. She was pregnant. With his kid, Jake thought. His flesh and blood. He was going to be someone’s dad.
Carol had already told him over the phone that she was keeping it, but he’d figured as much. He couldn’t see her terminating her pregnancy under any circumstances, not with how badly she wanted a family.
But how did Jake fit into all of this? He didn’t know how to be part of a family, not since he’d lost his own. Nor did he want to be part of one, either.
Carol was coming over later so they could try to figure things out. But even now, as he looked at himself in the mirrored wall of his gym, he wanted to ram his head against it.
He’d worked out like mad, making his muscles ache, making his body sweat. He’d pushed himself harder than he ever had before, trying to block the truth from his mind.
But it hadn’t been the least bit effective.
What the hell was he going to do? How was he going to cope with being a father? Jake didn’t even have a dog. Or a cat. Or a fish. He’d never been responsible for anyone or anything except himself.
He entered the bathroom that was attached to the gym and climbed into the shower. He turned on the spigot and let the icy cold water pummel him. But it didn’t help. Nothing did. Still, he remained under the freezing spray for as long as he could stand it.
After he toweled off, he dragged a T-shirt over his head and zipped into a pair of holey jeans. He liked wearing old clothes around the house. For him, it took the pretentious edge off living in a mansion. Not that he was complaining. His place was amazingly cool, an ultramodern estate perched in the Hollywood Hills, with the kinds of amenities only high-dollar real estate could offer.
At least Jake could buy his son or daughter everything the child needed. That was his only comfort, the only part of this that made him feel grounded.
Over the years, he’d learned to hide behind his money. But if he hadn’t gotten rich, he would be hiding behind something else. There would be a barrier either way. On the day Jake’s family had burned to death in that car, he’d put up his defenses, using his grief as a shield. There was no going back, no changing it. He was what he was.
He went into the living room to wait for Carol, anxiety building with each second that passed. He couldn’t marry her; he couldn’t be the nice normal guy she dreamed about. But she wouldn’t expect him to. Would she?
He scrubbed his hand across his jaw, feeling trapped within the walls of his big glass house.
Finally, Carol arrived. He invited her inside, and they sat across from each other in his sunken living room, decorated with red leather furniture and sleek gray tables. The floors were high-glossed wood, the artwork bold and masculine. The windows offered panoramic views, with Hollywood and all its glorious sins stretched out before them. This wasn’t a home designed for a wife and child. He’d bought it as a place to party, to entertain, to live and let live.
“Can I get you anything?” he asked. “Water? Iced tea? Wine?” He stalled, made a face. Had he just offered a pregnant woman a drink? “Sorry. Scratch the wine.”
“That’s okay. I don’t want anything, anyway.”
Carol looked prim and pretty, with her oxford blouse all buttoned up. But she seemed tired, too. As fatigued as before.
“Has the nausea started?” he asked.
She shook her head. “No. My symptoms are the same.”
“Maybe you won’t get sick like that.”
She smiled a little. “I probably will, but it would be nice to bypass that part.”
“I don’t know anything about having kids, Carol.”
“I’m not an expert, either.”
“Yeah, but it’s in your DNA. You’re going to make a great mom.”
“Thank you. This wasn’t how I envisioned becoming a parent, but I’m not going to let that stop me from loving this baby with all of my heart.”
At that moment, Jake’s heart was beating uncomfortably in his chest, crushing down on his lungs. “I’ll give you both whatever you need. Neither of you will go without. But I can’t marry you, Carol. I hope you understand that.”
“Of course I do. I didn’t come over here hoping for a proposal. I could never marry you, either.”
He should have been satisfied with her response. It was what he wanted to hear, after all. But instead, it made him hurt for the child they’d created. Oddly enough, he hurt for himself and Carol, too.
“I’ll buy you a house,” he said. “Around here somewhere. Then at least we can live close enough for me to see the kid regularly, too. I can come over and tuck it into bed or whatever.”
She bit down on her bottom lip. “Oh, wow. Jake.”
He frowned. “Oh, wow, what?”
Her eyes turned a little misty. “You’re already starting to sound like a dad.”
“I am?” He didn’t feel like one. All he felt was sad and scared and confused. Not knowing what else to say, he went silent, hoping she didn’t go into a full-blown cry.
Thankfully, she cleared the mistiness, blinking it away. Then she said, “I appreciate your offer. But you don’t have to buy me a house.”
“I’m in real estate. Investing in property is what I do.” So why wouldn’t he want to make an investment for her, too? “Besides, you can’t stay in the apartment. It’s too small for you and the baby.”
“Okay, but maybe you can keep the house in your name, instead of gifting it to me. I want to be my own person and taking too much from you doesn’t feel right.”
He wasn’t going to argue with her, not in her condition. He would abide by her wishes for now. “You can at least pick out the kind of place you like.”
“I don’t want it to be too big.” She glanced around at his enormous digs. “I’d prefer something a little homier, you know?”
“That’s fine.” There were plenty of bungalows in the hills, with the warmth and charm of a family dwelling, which was what he figured she was after. “We’ll find something that suits you.”
“There’s no rush. I can stay at my apartment until closer to when the baby comes.” She placed a hand on her stomach, splaying her fingers across it, making him reflect on the little life that grew there. “We still have a long time to go.”
“There’s no point in waiting until the end.” Jake considered how the tables had turned. Normally Carol insisted on getting things done ahead of time, but now he was the one trying to make early arrangements. He didn’t know what had come over him, jumping into this the way he was. Maybe it was because she seemed so lost?
“What
