window before Aaron flies out again, and that’s when I’m aiming for.
‘I’m popping over to see Grandpa and Eleanor. I thought we might grab a takeaway later, when Aaron gets home.’
‘Chinese?’ she says with a smile, the glint of her braces telling me she will soon have perfectly shaped teeth.
‘If you like.’ I turn and reach for the door latch, but her heavy footfalls on the stairs behind me tell me I’m going to have company.
‘Wait up!’ she calls. ‘I’m coming with you.’ I sigh as she thumps down on her bottom at the foot of the stairs and pulls her Doc Martens over mismatched socks. I have to turn away. Socks that don’t match unnerve me. ‘I haven’t seen Grandpa and Eleanor for ages,’ she goes on, getting to her feet with the aid of the banister.
She opens the door and I follow her onto the cobbled drive, slipping on my sunglasses.
We’re halfway to Darlington House when I say, ‘Can you look up from your phone for a second, sweetheart?’ I glance at her out of the corner of my eye.
‘Let me answer Tamsyn first, Mum,’ she says. She’s slumped in the passenger seat, thumbs racing over the screen. ‘George dumped her, and she’s thinking of eating her bodyweight in salted caramel ice cream.’ She looks up at me, and with a serious tone says, ‘I can’t let her do it. I don’t want her to get as fat as me.’
‘Why would you even say that? You’re perfect, darling.’ She is. Too thin if anything, and I worry about how she sees herself. Worry that Willow has been her role model for too long.
Moments later she drops her phone into her lap. ‘So, what’s up, Mother?’
‘It’s just, well … Willow called,’ I say, deciding to come straight to the point.
‘Oh my God. Is she OK?’
‘I think so, but—’
‘That’s amazing,’ she cuts in. ‘Is she coming home? Can we see her? Oh, please say we can see her.’ She presses her palms together as though praying. She adores Willow. ‘Please.’
I note how accepting she is. No questions about why Willow hasn’t been in touch for a month. But then she’s like the rest of us. We all know Willow.
‘She’s staying in Cornwall. I’m going down to see her at the weekend.’
‘O-M-G! That’s the best news ever. I can’t wait to see her. It will make the time go quicker until America.’
I still have doubts about her going to the US alone in a few weeks’ time. Her dad is directing a film out there and has invited her over. At first my motherly instincts kicked in. I wanted her to stay at home where she’s safe, and I know Aaron has doubts too. But then he can be a bit overprotective at times. Eventually I agreed she could go, knowing how much she adores her dad. And he’s a good man. He’ll take care of her.
‘The thing is, Becky,’ I say as we make our way down the motorway, ‘I thought I’d go and see Willow alone. Maybe you could stay with Grandpa and Eleanor.’
‘What? Why?’ She folds her arms across her chest, and her glare burns my cheek.
‘Because it will be easier, that’s all.’
‘How? How will it be easier? I can’t believe you would just dump me.’
‘I’m not dumping you.’ I glance at her, but she’s flicked her gaze to the front window, her face set in a scowl.
‘Then let me come,’ she says. ‘Or give me one good reason why not.’
I can’t. My head spins as I indicate and turn left.
‘Stop!’ Becky yells, and I slam my foot on the brake, almost hitting the car in front.
‘Jeez, Mother, it looks as if you pretty much need me to come to keep an eye on you.’
I’m losing the battle. And the truth is I want to spend time with her. ‘OK,’ I say.
‘OK?’
‘You can come.’
‘Fab!’
‘Hang on though, there’s something you need to know first.’ I think out my next words carefully. ‘The thing is, Willow sounded worried about something. I don’t know how she’ll be when we get there.’
Her phone pings, and she picks it up, and reads the screen. ‘For God’s sake, has Tamsyn any idea how many calories there are in three tubs of ice cream?’
I’ve lost her once more.
1998
It had become a habit, following Gail and her friends to the arcade. Watching them flirt with boys – laugh – have fun. Although Ava only ever stayed long enough for the thump of the music to get under her skin, for the games machines – clunking and whizzing and flashing coloured lights – to heighten her senses.
Despite Maxen’s advice, she was still hiding – too self-conscious, her self-esteem low, getting her thrills from watching Gail enjoy life. Wishing she was like her.
It was September, and the holiday season had dialled down a notch ready for winter – the arcade seemed empty compared to previous months, and there weren’t so many places to hide. Gail had left school after her final exams in May, but, so far, she’d made no attempt to get a job. ‘She worked so hard on her exams,’ Mum had said. ‘She needs some time out.’
Ava had left school too, with no qualifications. ‘You need to get a job, Ava,’ Mum had said. ‘Pay your way.’
Today she watched from behind a slot machine, ‘Candle in the Wind’ playing loud through the speakers as she sipped cola from a plastic cup. Suddenly Gail looked in her direction and she stepped backwards, bashing into someone. She spun round to see a handsome lad of around eighteen, with cold blue eyes and tousled dark hair.
‘Christ!’ he said, brushing cola from his black leather jacket. He had a confident air about him, his jaw set tight. ‘Watch where you’re fucking going next time! Idiot!’
‘Sorry,’ she said, as he pushed past her, almost knocking her over as he headed towards her sister.
‘Hey, beautiful,’ he said as he flung an arm around Gail’s shoulders, and she planted a kiss on his cheek.
‘His name’s Rory Thompson.’ It was Maxen, appearing beside her. She’d seen him about, but he hadn’t spoken to her since that day in the café two years ago. ‘He’s going out with your sister,’ he said. ‘Did you know?’
Ava shook her head. Gail hadn’t mentioned him, but then she never told her anything
