here talking to you.”
“That bum.”
“I know, family’s a bitch, right? Would you consider doing me a favor?”
“Anything. Name it.”
Yes, all right, I was down to do whatever he asked. Already.
“Let’s make Chief Callahan wait for his next round. I’m gonna go over there, and you call me right back.”
“You mean, like, order another drink?”
“No, it should be more than that, or I’ll have to top them up first. Pretend like you and me are close, and you don’t want to let me out of your sight. Can you do that?”
“Aidan, get your ass over here,” the big cop called out.
The summons was almost nasty, and I felt for Aidan, the kid brother to this jerk of a cop who obviously ruled the roost. I didn’t stop to think. I took Aidan’s side.
“Go. I’ve got your back,” I said.
He winked at me as he retreated. I waited until Aidan was right in front of his brother, then raised my hand and waved.
“Aidan? Aidan!”
My voice vanished into the din, and Aidan didn’t turn around. Why not? He’d asked me to call him. Did he want a bigger show? I hesitated, but what the hell, I’d agreed to play the game. He was taking my mind off my pain, anyway.
I walked over to where the brother sat and tapped him on the shoulder.
“Hey, sorry to interrupt, Chief, but I need Aidan to come back and talk to me. I need him, badly.”
I leaned on the word “need,” so it sounded sexy as hell, and got a kick out of the shocked look on the brother’s face. This was so much fun that I decided to run with it.
“Aidan, please, come back. I have to talk to you, baby. It’s so important.”
The brother looked so flummoxed that I started to think I’d gone too far. But, c’mon. He couldn’t possibly believe there was something between us. Right? That was so implausible.
“I’m coming, baby,” Aidan said, and turned to his brother. “Tommy, give me a minute here. Caroline needs me.”
I went back to my barstool, and Aidan followed, convulsing with laughter. His dimple was showing, his eyes were crinkling, and I was tingling down to my toes.
“Hah, did you get a load of the expression on his face? Hilarious.”
“Did he know I was joking?” I asked.
“Who knows? Tommy’s not too bright,” Aidan said.
I felt a little uneasy about the practical joke. But Aidan soon distracted me, regaling me with gossip about the people in the bar. To hear him tell it, half of them were degenerates, and the other half were fools. They were constantly beefing with each other, trashing each other’s cars, falling off the dock, and generally causing mischief. We drank and laughed like old friends. He fetched another round, and then another. (Somehow, the drinks kept vanishing.) And I … relaxed. I let go. He had this laid-back, adorable, stoner cowboy vibe about him. Like he didn’t take the world too seriously, so I shouldn’t either. God, did I need that right then. Meanwhile, the brother and his fellow cops were looking on, scandalized.
“Your brother and his friends are staring at us,” I said.
“He’s shocked a woman like you would be with me.”
“He thinks I’m with you?” I giggled. The vodka had gone to my head.
“Why you laughing?” Aidan said, looking almost hurt.
“Honey, I’m way too old for you.”
“What are you talking about? You’re hot as hell. Trust me, if I was gonna get with one woman in this bar tonight, it would be you. You blow everybody else away.”
The boy knew how to sweet-talk, and he was getting in my head. I looked around the bar and decided, Hell yeah, I am the best-looking woman in here tonight. If I was the woman in the bar he most wanted to sleep with, then he should have me, right? He’d made his choice, and I was flattered enough that I wanted to honor it. It made sense, in that crazy moment. The room was warm and pulsating with light. I was feeling no pain. Jason was somewhere in Brighton Beach, screwing his Russian whore, and I didn’t care, because I had Aidan to distract me. I wasn’t thinking about my declined credit cards, my empty bank accounts, the silent house awaiting me. I was flying, and I wanted it to last forever.
Time passed. I can’t count how many vodkas I drank. A bunch of people got up to leave, and Aidan went to settle their tabs. I followed him with my eyes as he worked the crowd. He had a lot of fans. The women in the bar lit up under his attention, poor saps. It never occurred to me that I was one of them.
I watched him taking people’s money, and it came rushing back for the umpteenth time that I had no money to pay my tab. Just then, Aidan returned, carrying two more drinks and an antipasti plate—which I couldn’t pay for.
“Something wrong? You look upset,” he said, his face full of sweet concern.
“I forgot my wallet.”
“No worries. I know you’re good for it. Here, eat something or I’ll have to carry you out of here.”
He smiled at me, then took a toothpick, speared an olive, and held it up for me to eat. And I ate out of his hand. In the bar. In front of people. What the hell was I thinking?
The din had died down. When Aidan’s brother called his name, the sound carried across the empty room. The cops were standing up to leave, waving money at Aidan. He went over to take it and shook hands all around. I drained what was left in my glass—vodka-flavored melted ice. My body felt loose; my face felt numb. My vision was doubled. Bands of light reflected off the mirror behind the bar and seemed to vibrate in the air. I knew I was drunk, and I didn’t give a shit. The booze held Jason at bay, at the edge of my consciousness where I could tolerate him. I got up and went to the bathroom and peed for a really long time. I thought about sticking my finger down my throat to get rid of the liquor but decided not to. My face in the bathroom mirror was puffy, and my eyes were too bright. I didn’t recognize myself, so I redid my lipstick as fast as I could and got the hell out of there.
When I got back to my seat, the bar was nearly empty, and people were talking about me.
“—your lady friend?” one of the cops said to Aidan.
“She’s waiting for me to close up shop,” Aidan said.
That made no sense, since I was not actually waiting for him. Well, I was waiting, in my own mind, but he’d be pretty full of himself to assume that. We had no understanding. It hadn’t remotely been discussed. For all he knew I was about to stiff him for a night’s worth of drinks and run out the door. But I didn’t say anything to contradict him in front of his brother.
I should’ve, probably. I realize that now.
I looked at my phone.
