Erin said, gesturing to a large box in the hall. “If you don’t mind carrying that outside, I’ll grab a ladder.”
When she returned to the front porch, carrying the ladder, Lance had already opened the box of lights and was looking through them.
“You’re going to need to test them,” he said.
“Already did that during our Christmas movie marathon over Thanksgiving.”
Lance groaned and Erin grinned. Most families were into football games and parades, but Erin and her sisters hated sports, so they’d created their own tradition by watching their favorite Christmas movies. This year their tradition had been slightly abbreviated since they’d been busy with wedding preparations for her sisters’ early December wedding.
All their decorating energy had been poured into the wedding and they hadn’t had time to get to the house.
That left the job to Erin. She was hoping that by the time her sisters got back from their respective honeymoons in two weeks, the entire place would be transformed into a Christmas wonderland.
As Erin got the ladder situated on the corner of the porch, she couldn’t help smiling as she pictured their faces at seeing how Erin had made it their best yet. They’d had so many terrible Christmases over the past few years, with Erin’s tragedy and the troubles of Leah’s previous marriage. Prior to that, growing up under the iron fist of their father, the Colonel—a man who made Scrooge look like a humanitarian—Christmas hadn’t been a joyous occasion in their home. She and her sisters had always promised each other that when they were finally on their own, and had the means to do so, they were going to have the most amazing Christmases ever.
Last year, things had looked like they were going to finally work out for them after all their tragedies. But Erin had gotten sick, and many of their plans had fallen through. This year Erin was determined. After all these years of waiting, her family would finally have the perfect Christmas they’d always dreamed of. She’d put together a whole binder for the family’s perfect Christmas, listing everything they were going to do to celebrate the holiday. She and the boys had spent all afternoon making more decorations, and while they may not be like the ones people bought in stores, her sisters would love knowing how the boys had helped.
She gestured to the string of lights Lance had started unwinding. “Can you hand me that one? And the stapler that’s in the box?”
As he handed them to her, he said, “You want me to do that? I used to always...”
He used to always be the one to hang the lights. And at some point during the process, he’d grumpily tell her that she was using more than she had the previous year and that it was a good thing he loved her. They’d end up laughing and kissing, and even though he hated her decorations, it had made her feel so loved that he’d indulged her anyway.
“I learned how to do it myself,” she said, taking the stapler in one hand and the lights in the other.
The pain in his eyes told her that he remembered their past, too.
Maybe whatever peace he had to make with her would be good for them both. She’d thought she was over him. After all their conversations once they decided to divorce, she’d thought about how good it was that they were divorced because they could never agree on anything.
But the thing was, even when they’d disagreed during their marriage, they’d often found ways to compromise, making sure the other person had what they needed. Somehow they’d lost that.
As Erin attached the lights to the edge of the roof, she wondered how she could convince Lance to understand that selling the house wasn’t about forgetting their daughter. It hadn’t meant anything to him while she was alive, so why did he have to put so much importance on it now?
Sometimes she thought it was his way of punishing her for Lily’s death. He blamed Erin and, based on their conversations since, he still did. Erin had fallen asleep while Lily napped and hadn’t heard Lily wake up. Nor had she heard Lily open the door and go outside. Erin had been so deeply asleep that she hadn’t realized her daughter had drowned in the creek until hours later, after discovering Lily missing. A search party had found the body.
She should have done a better job getting Lily to understand the dangers of playing by the creek. The little girl had been fascinated by the rushing water and went there every chance she got. Erin should have double-checked the lock on the door to make sure it was locked. She should have told Lance she wasn’t feeling well and that was why she hadn’t wanted him going back to work that day, instead of picking a fight with him and complaining that he spent more time at work than with his family. She should have...
Erin wiped a tear from her face. So many should haves, and not one would bring their daughter back. Nor would it bring back the baby she’d been carrying at the time. She hadn’t even had the chance to tell Lance, which was probably a good thing since he’d likely blame her for that loss, as well. More moisture hit her face and she realized it wasn’t tears. The storm forecast to hit tonight was blowing in earlier than expected. Just a few more feet and she’d have this part done.
“Hey,” Lance called up. “It’s starting to snow. Maybe you should save this for another day.”
“I know,” she said. “I just need to finish this section.”
He made a noise like he always did when he was going to argue, but he didn’t say anything.
A few more snowflakes hit her face and a gust of wind blew the string still hanging. If she didn’t get it secured, the storm would likely rip the whole thing off and not only would she have to redo the lights, she’d probably have to buy new ones. They’d made that mistake last year when they started decorating early in the season.
She put an extra couple of staples in the section then climbed down. “Help me move this so I can get the last part.”
Lance made his annoyed noise again. “Why don’t you let me do it?”
Maybe it was petty, but this was typical Lance, not approving of her actions but then stepping in to do it for her to show how magnanimous he was.
“I’ve got it, thanks,” she said, moving the ladder and returning to her position.
“It’ll take you two trips up and down and moving the ladder again. I’ve got a longer reach.”
Technically true. But she was already up.
The first staple went in strong and satisfying. That was the other reason she wanted to do this. Maybe it would help him make peace with the past to see just how much she no longer needed him. As Erin pulled the next section of lights toward her, reaching to where she wanted to place it, her foot slipped. The metal ladder was getting slippery with the snow coming down. She probably should have let Lance do this one. He’d been right about her reach and she wouldn’t risk another trip up and down again.
Maybe if she secured the end instead of leaving it hanging loose, she could come back another day and re-fasten it. She tugged at the end, which had gotten caught on one of the rungs.
“Be careful,” Lance said.
She pulled on the end again, trying to angle it out of where it was caught. Her trick worked, freeing the strand.
She spied one of the hooks they’d used last year to
